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Top 3 Excuses From Siblings Who Don't Help With Caregiving

392 Comments

i am not even going there with my brothers, both good men but leaving it all to me, well i am tired.

oh God, it is so hard when a parent lives with you, 10 years i have shared my home with my dad, we lost mum and dad came to live with my family, my marriage broke down 3 years ago, no it was not my dads fault but trying too move on and still look after dad, very hard, he is a selfish man with a kind heart, if that makes sense, very loud, hard of hearing, sleep pattern bad, most of all really selfish, its all about dad.

I am the main caregiver for my 89 yr old mother. She was a wonderful mom to all four of us we were very blessed to have great parents and the thought of my other 3 siblings can't even make a 10 or 15 minute call to our mother once a week makes me sick to my stomach. All I know is that I will not have any regrets and my mom always told me the saying that goes " it's an long road that doesn't hit a curve" and they will hit theirs some day. You will always have me to count on mom' I LOVE YOU

Starla... You are so right... but, I think this type of person (siblings, acquaintance, 'friend', neighbor, etc)... are mostly like horses that you bring to the spring... you can't. Are them drink the water... But, there are 'some' (rare and special) people out there that do understand... So many of these understanding people have gravitated to find this AC site (blog). Thank God we found one another! (It has literally saved my sanity!). I know it's still maddening at times... believe me... I know that all too well, because one minute I'm up and the next could be very down... (that's when I come here).... Try to get your rest and know you are so special (slough off these people whenever possible and surrender in knowing you're terrific...! No one gets away for free in this life... Love you!!!

Please tell me there is an article about how caregivers who are misunderstood! My friends don't understand the isolation, when no one helps, the impact it has on your physical and mental health. That you are just a complainer, blamer, etc. It takes a huge toll over time. What do you say to them? They don't get it. What's really horrible is siblings who know the toll and sacrifice and could care less. Someone must convince others about this!!! my siblings actually use the excuse because I am single that I should do this for my mother. they say you're not married and we have families. your children are growncan you use this as an excuse? It's ridiculous. Selfish is what they are and take advantage because I live the closest. I am big for respite. I can't seem to erase that last sentence. I meant to say I have begged 4 some respite from them and never got it. I hope someone can find an article that shows that people's judgementon caregiving is so wrong andhow they try to make you feel like you're this huge complainer and a wimp. The fact of the matter is you're a strong person that's able to Soldier on.

"I am stuck being my adopted mother's slave. She always tells me, if I would of known the way you turned out, I wouldn't of adopted you, I would of only adopted your twin."

Laura, you have put up with this woman for 2 years. Time to walk away! If my mother talked to me like that, I would quit doing anything for her. (Well, the one thing I would do would be to contact my brothers -- all out of state -- and tell them I was walking away.) My mother and they (well, one of the three wouldn't bother) would be scrambling!

"I am busy."
"I live on the other side of the country."
"I would hurt him/her if I was in charge."

Laura dear!... Let me say... I wish you were my daughter. Being adopted or not, these kinds of controllers are just that and they are very good at what they do... Please do not give her the satisfaction of letting her get into your head to demean you!!!!! This woman is a spoiled, mean, bully, brat who should never have any children!... (my ob/gyn told me a long time ago that he's seen so many people that should have never had children). She doesn't deserve you... Please go on to live your life... happy and fulfilled!!! It is your birth right!!!... Lots of Love!!!!...

the one twin never helped with dad with alzheimers, lived 10 min away, the brother, lost cause, now that dad is gone 2 years, I am stuck being my adopted mother's slave. She always tells me, if I would of known the way you turned out, I wouldn't of adopted you, I would of only adopted your twin. That hurts bad, I am a good person, a good grandma, and and dang good caregiver if it wasn't for me, dad would of never lasted as long as he did, I loved him so much. I don't deserve to be spoken to like that for all I have done for her. I am 51 years old, I got to start living my life away from her, because she does not apologize, say thank you or please,, she is a controller............

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LawdyP -- There is nothing you can do to get your sister to help, nothing. My brother and I visited our Mom everyday for the 3 months she survived in a nursing home. Our sister "visited" Mom approximately 6 times, always with an excuse. "I haven't been feeling well; it's bad weather (cold) out, I don't like to see Mom like that", etc etc. Geez, Louise, this is your MOTHER for pity's sake. Get off your behind and see her!!! Mom survived barely 3 months in the NH. My brother and I have clear consciences. I hope my sister lies awake with guilt but I doubt it. My advice (and believe me I STILL struggle with it), is to let it go. Do what you can for Mom while not neglecting your own health. Karma will come to her. I RARELY speak to my sister now and I don't feel bad about it. It is what it is.