< Back to article

Top 3 Excuses From Siblings Who Don't Help With Caregiving

443 Comments

My mother had a fear of not being at home when she needed care. I promised her it would be that way & I gave of my life to assure her of that. I kept a promise I made to her. It is hard, for those of us who have made those choices to hear others label, those in need & wanting of that type of care, as selfish. My Mother's wishes were not selfish. I do feel the siblings who do nothing to help are often just plain avoiding any responsibilities. Those are their choices. A choice as valid as my own. We all make choices and there will always be those who pass judgement. Such is life.

The Truth is the truth so it really doesn't matter. Free speech is not just what you agree with, get over it.

To your astonishment, Lovesdad, I am a real peach to my dying mother. I cater to her every whim with love and tender care. I wash her face, scratch her back, reposition her legs, change her diapers, whatever she needs. I get up with her several time a night just to help her sip some water, and I kiss her on the forehead each time I leave to return to bed. She says I've been wonderful. She's dying and I'm trying to keep her as comfortable as possible.

I don't resent it. I didn't say I did. I chose to do this and I want to do it. Your attitude I do resent. And I also reported your post.

Lovesdad, that is uncalled for. This sounds almost like another poster who was banned is back with a different screen name....reporting this comment.

CarlaCB: "I don't think anyone has the right to stay in their own home if someone else has to give up their entire life to make it possible. Maybe for a few weeks, as I'm doing, but not for an extended period of years or decades. I think staying at home can be vastly overrated".

WOW, I took care of my dad 3 years with Alzheimers, he died laying in bed with me. I gave up everything for 3 years because he was my dad and he didnt leave me when I was a child! YES being home is the BEST for dying parents.

I stopped dealing with siblings who had nothing but excuses for not helping. I don't care if I never see them again. They abandoned us. I kept my promise to keep Mom at home & even our nurses said I took exceptional care of her 24/7. They told lies about me to all who would listen. All to cover their big fat asses. I don't think about them any more except each month as I continue to pay lawyer's bill they forced me to hire after they legally took "the time they didn't have" to come after me. There was nothing to come after. I had every receipt to show what I spent out of my own pocket and believe me I didn't owe them anything. They didn't want to help and I stopped asking. They didn't call or visit but tell others that I kept them away. Lies. Sadly they believe their lies. They have to.....I don't. I am at peace with my choices and would do it all over again. I did what was best for her & they feel differently. So be it.

i may have written several years ago on this topic. however; yes i have a daughter who was injured in a car accident 14 years ago. she has severe 'dai' . all of her many friends have moved on. the biggese excuse i hear over the years to why they don't visit her is' i hate to see her the way is is. i want to remember her for the way she was. however my problem with this remark is that ; this whole idea about feeling bad is NOT about you. who really cares how you feel. it's the person lying in a bed all day with no visitors. thank you

cpabooks -- You said it all right there ("Frankly, it is easier on Mom and I..."). This is what causes a lot of sibling strife when it's time to take care of the aging parent. Suddenly, it's you-and-Mom this and you-and-Mom that. You and your mother are a team. Meanwhile, the other sibling feels shut out. Seriously? You're surprised by that sibling's anger? Like why won't "troublemaker" sibling just leave "you and Mom" alone?

Good point, Teri. But there are some programs that will help with respite for low income families. You might check out if your area has a local PACE program. They help with respite and adult daycare services based on income I believe. I think they provide free services if you qualify for Medicaid. Might be something worth checking out. Also your local Area Agency on Aging might know of some good resources to help as well.

comment

frazzledmama, what you say is true for those who can afford to pay someone for respite care. What we can't all afford that....