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How to Handle an Elderly Parent's Bad Behavior

143 Comments

Help me deal with my awful, willful, mean mother of the last 3 months. My sister has not offered any assistance.

There are some good points to this article; however, it sounds more frustrated and lacks some empathy. They aren't being stubborn by not taking care of their hygene. It isn't because they can't smell themselves. Acting as if they are just being defiant shows a lack of an ability to see through another's eyes. If they are losing track of time like that, they are being left alone for too long. They can't physically move like a young person. They feel sick, often from too many meds. Sending them in for more meds may be the worst thing. The bath can be scary, slippery, cold. When someone is that sick, modesty goes to the way side. When people age, their skin is thinner, more fragile and sensitive. The cold hurts. Falling is terrifying. Nagging them creates anxiety. They put it off until they absolutely have to do it.
It's too bad our society treats out elderly with this little respect. It's no wonder they panic and act out. If we treated them with the respect of other nations like Japan, we would have happier and kinder old people.
Like I said, many good points to this article, but it's missing the other side. It would be cool to interview the elder and present their side, too.

#1 - my mom was in convalescent care for two months after a fall. She was a great patient, nurses like her, motivated with her physiotherapy. We just brought her home for the holidays and she's snarky with my father, had a couple of tantrums and spent most of her time zoned out in front of the TV. I can tell my father doesn't want to deal with it. (He just had a two-month break!). She's supposed to be discharged on the 30th. My dad talked her into going back a day early.

So, it's best behaviour with strangers and not so nice with my dad. Sigh. They're both still in charge of decisions regarding their own health. Wondering what's the best thing to do.

I put up with all of the above, and office politics too, in a managerial position job that I accepted the offer on, and ultimately quit, to start my own business and eventually retire. Now I am in this situation again, due to family. No one works for free, no one deserves any or all of the above from either family or co workers. It's very hard not to take personally some of the comments made. My siblings would dump my father in a elder care facility and let him rot there until his dying day, they couldn't be bothered to visit, or relieve me of any duties, so that I can have a life of my own again. It's thankless, being on call 24/7. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't a job and that you should work for free, that's nonsense.

My partners mother is 84 she has always been a control freak with a negative attitude but the older she gets the worse she gets she has ruined my life

They have invented chill out plug ins for cats and dogs please someone invent one for old people

I am reading all these stories on here and am completely horrified. Why would you allow another person to destroy your marriage, or your own life? I work in healthcare and we nurses cannot believe what some families will do to keep their mother or father at home, even at the expense of their OWN families! Most of the time these elderly nightmares do not even know where they are, let alone know they are in a nursing facility! The Bible says HONOR your mother and father, not give up your own life because of them.

My 79 year old mother has always been angry and cantankerous. I recently visited her and my dad at their home in Spain which resulted in the most shocking night in our relationship. She has always been critical of me and disparaging as well as of my dad but not my brother. After a few days with her I was exasperated by her childish, aggressive and nasty behaviour to and about the whole world. It brought back a lifetime of her undermining barbed attacks on me and I snapped and challenged her on her appalling treatment of all and sundry. The first thing she always does is lash out to deflect attention from having to admit any wrong doing. This time was the worst ever abuse I have got from her. She said she wished she had smothered me at birth , my brother is a wonderful person and I am useless, my partner is a nobody, I am a lazy greedy person and she then made innapropriate remarks about sex in reference to myself and how unattractive I am. I was stunned to say the least. I fought back and was told to get out of her house. She got my suitcase and threw me out in the street in a small town in a foreign country and I ended up staying in a hotel before flying home the next day.
It's been the worst event in our family history and I doubt if I will ever see them again. I had no support from my father who chooses to remain browbeaten and stay with her. It has occurred to me that she may be in the early stages of dementia but it's hard to tell since this is her normal self only worse than ever. Has anyone else had experience of this ?

Does a child act rude an say bad things to a relative cause he hears his parents talk bad about that person.

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I'M the problem you are all talking about!!!!! I KNOW I must be a real pain to be around!!! every time I melt down - often . I just withdraw from everybody and thing!! I just don't have a solution. living beyond my time sure isn't good for anybody. but I can put on the mr wonderful act at anytime. so I don't know how to deal with me either. but thanks for trying. it wont last forever.