Coping With Elderly Parents Who Behave Badly

How to Handle an Elderly Parent's Bad Behavior

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im going thru this with my grandmother and most of the stuff I read above is true except for 2. she is currently in the hospital she was always talking about a plane which was very strange. she thought I flew in on a plane to visit her. also she put up a fight with the physical therapist on my visit Monday she was yelling at her she refused to put on the socks with traction so I had her pair of her light weight shoes and pretty much the same and almost ripped off her heart monitor. she fears her house may be taken away from lawyers who are acquiring her house since its across from the county courthouse easy way to run their law businesses I guess. shes been talking about her diabetic doctor so much. but at her house she loves buying stuff at QVC as much as I clean more stuff gets bought so tomorrow at some point Im gonna have to clean her house and try to get a POA try to balance this and work is tough. but I must hang in there for now.
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My mom died in 2011 and Ive been the only one taking care of my 88 year old dad since then.. he did not speak a civil word to me for a number of years prior to my moms passing until the day she died.. at first tjings went mostly well, but he has become increasingly verbally abusive at different times and constantly tells me I do nothing for him.. Its been years since Ive had a life of my own.. I went to a friends wedding for about 6 hrs 3 days ago and he keeps digging me about having gone.. a tv stand needs to be put together and I need help.. I finally said I was going to try to hire someone to put it together and pay for it out of my own pocket because it looks so complicated and has 60+ different screws bolts and pcs.. so he says " well these people sure have time to ask ya to their damn wedding".. id had enuff.. said "I gotta go dad.. we'll talk about tjis later" and got the hell out cause Im about to go nuts.. I just don't know what to do.. he called me right away and I told him I was upset and just couldnt talk til later.. this angered him and he started yelling.. I tried to get a word in but could not so hung up again.. he called again.. ended same.. I don't think I can take it anymore.. I am patient most of the time but I need a vacation but noone to help
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I care for an elderly man in exchange for room and board. I cook breakfast and dinner and make sure his bills are paid as well as do some light housekeeping. I also pay some rent to help with the utilities.

He is exhibiting the beginning stages of all the behaviors listed in the article; eg. everyone is against him, throwing food on the counter demanding I cook dinner, spending without regard to his finances or budget. After reading this I don't feel so alone!

He also recently displayed a new behavior of which don't know whether to laugh or cry.

He still drives him self around and recently took a weekend trip down south with an on-again off-again girlfriend. He is 82 and she is 84. On one of the days he disappeared (with her car no less!) for half of the day, leaving her all alone in the hotel room, refusing to answer her phone calls (she had friends just about ready to drive up and rescue her) and upon returning he refused to acknowledge that he even disappeared much less offering any kind of explanation. Wow.
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How do I opt out of dealing with them. I want to sever ties with my parents
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Wow, did somebody write this about my dad?
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Help me deal with my awful, willful, mean mother of the last 3 months. My sister has not offered any assistance.
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There are some good points to this article; however, it sounds more frustrated and lacks some empathy. They aren't being stubborn by not taking care of their hygene. It isn't because they can't smell themselves. Acting as if they are just being defiant shows a lack of an ability to see through another's eyes. If they are losing track of time like that, they are being left alone for too long. They can't physically move like a young person. They feel sick, often from too many meds. Sending them in for more meds may be the worst thing. The bath can be scary, slippery, cold. When someone is that sick, modesty goes to the way side. When people age, their skin is thinner, more fragile and sensitive. The cold hurts. Falling is terrifying. Nagging them creates anxiety. They put it off until they absolutely have to do it.
It's too bad our society treats out elderly with this little respect. It's no wonder they panic and act out. If we treated them with the respect of other nations like Japan, we would have happier and kinder old people.
Like I said, many good points to this article, but it's missing the other side. It would be cool to interview the elder and present their side, too.
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#1 - my mom was in convalescent care for two months after a fall. She was a great patient, nurses like her, motivated with her physiotherapy. We just brought her home for the holidays and she's snarky with my father, had a couple of tantrums and spent most of her time zoned out in front of the TV. I can tell my father doesn't want to deal with it. (He just had a two-month break!). She's supposed to be discharged on the 30th. My dad talked her into going back a day early.

So, it's best behaviour with strangers and not so nice with my dad. Sigh. They're both still in charge of decisions regarding their own health. Wondering what's the best thing to do.
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I put up with all of the above, and office politics too, in a managerial position job that I accepted the offer on, and ultimately quit, to start my own business and eventually retire. Now I am in this situation again, due to family. No one works for free, no one deserves any or all of the above from either family or co workers. It's very hard not to take personally some of the comments made. My siblings would dump my father in a elder care facility and let him rot there until his dying day, they couldn't be bothered to visit, or relieve me of any duties, so that I can have a life of my own again. It's thankless, being on call 24/7. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't a job and that you should work for free, that's nonsense.
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My partners mother is 84 she has always been a control freak with a negative attitude but the older she gets the worse she gets she has ruined my life
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