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3 Types of Independent Living for Seniors


My partner of 46 years has Alzheimer's. We have lived together all of those years..when she got sick, her oldest daughter took total control,had her mother placed in assissted living, and shut me out completely, she told me l was not family, and to butt out, she said if I interfere, she would make sure l would never see her Mother again! We were in a happy relationship, and totally committed to one another. I know she does not know how things happened..l would hate to venture to guess what she was told about my absence...l have not seen,or talked to her in one year, and l don't even know where she's! I wonder everyday about her. Her daughters actions have left my feeling very sad, heartbroken, and l have been grieving for a whole year! I can't get past it, and there is no closure for me! I a totally devastated! I never saw this coming! I have never heard of anything like this in my life! Each day is the same, just wondering where, how she is! Her daughters actions are mean, vindictive, selfish! I am trying to Heals!

No problem with the article, but since I have two years' worth experience in senior living I'd like to add some things which bear more research if your parents are planning on moving into independent living.
Ask to meet the director. If the director isn't personable or seems in a hurry chances are you have someone who won't pay attention to any complaints your parents have, either. Ask to meet some residents and ask how well their complaints are addressed. I've been complaining about a server's behavior for over a year but the director simply says we train so try it again. I refuse to accept service from a person whose attitude conveys disdain and demonstrates retribution. No action from the management on that front nor effort to solve the problems so I can live with a solution.
With included services such as cleaning ask for details. I found out that cleaning services includes 45 minutes a week and nothing on furniture as they will only dust around things and vacuum around furniture. The linen service actually means they will put your linens in the washer. If you need the bed remade after drying you're out of luck if it takes more than 45 minutes to wash and dry linens. You will need additional sets.
Are residents required to attend meetings and check the timing. I can't attend ours but the director only posts some PowerPoint slides and no minutes appear to be available. Getting information requires my standing at a bulletin board and then the information tends to be complete. Decisions are not conveyed to those who can't attend. I have to fight for every morsel of information.
Do the arithmetic when the advertising says you'll save money. Chances are you'll even out and marketing won't discuss the speed with which repairs are made nor their quality. Personally I would not make this move again but favor an apartment in a senior building many of which also provide similar social services with no meals. Some will also help you contract for meal services. You can fire a poor restaurant but not the meal service in independent living. Buyer beware on all fronts.

I agree that my mother needs assisted living for her physical setbacks. But what does one do if they have a mindset that they don't. Life would be so much easier if I could convince her that 3 meals a day and help w/bathing are good things. She thinks because her mind is fit that she does not need assistance. Doing tours w/her does not change her resolve never to accept this level of care.

I have to be way for two weeks and need to leave my Mom. Where can I fine somewhere to leave her for thetwo weeks?

What about the loss of control issue facing the family? Entire families are putting life basically on hold because an elder parent refuses to face reality or is afraid to make a change. It's all about fear. Elders hate change because they fear it. They pretend everything is okay when it's so clearly not. They lie. They keep secrets because they're afraid someone is going to find out they're driving without a license/insurance because they keep getting into fender benders. I am very respectful toward my elders and because I respect them I tell them the truth. My inlaws were declining rapidly until we move them into independent living. Yes, we FORCED them to move and now they both have what they need when they need it. While they were muddling along alone pretending like everything was alright it was the family that felt out of control with worry. We would stagger holidays because we didn't want them to be alone. We rearranged our schedules to accommodate their needs. This cost us time, money, sleep, enjoyment, and it also added stress, anxiety, and loss of control over our adult lives. It took nearly one year to make all the arrangements and would you believe when I tell you that according to my inlaws that was too fast??? They avoided everything having to do with their move until the very last second. Their plan was to avoid it so that they could say they're not ready and we'd give them more time. They asked for an extra 6 months. Then they asked for an extra 3 months, then 2, 1 and finally they were saying "but we only need two more weeks." Bulls***! The entire family - like 10 people - moved mountains to get them into the "safety" of independent living. And sometimes they're grateful and other times they're not. But I don't care because they have everything they need, live in a beautiful, safe, clean, well-attended building, and the family finally gets to enjoy visits with them whereas before we all left DEPRESSED. And not blue in a way that you throw back a cocktail and all is alright again. No, I mean depressed for days afterward until something else happened that needed to be addressed. Sorry for the long rant it's just that flippant comment about 'loss of control" flipped me out and I wanted to share the family's perspective. One last thing that's important is that my family is not dealing with elders who have serious mental issues or brain diseases like dementia. My inlaws are both frail, in different ways, but they still control their own affairs.

I have a family members at holiday ponder creek estates in Louisville KY. Independent living they have been there about seven months and we have went through three sets of mangers. The first set was great and was the best mangers for three years. And was very much loved by staff & residents but management sent them to another state to work. Everyone was a close net family why does management do that. It so sad to see an elderly person cry because of the stupid mistakes that management makes. There should be some type of repercussion on management for this. Sales went down so they raise peoples rent it is bad enough the rent is raised once a year now twice a year when you are already paying over three thousand a month. How can these people be stopped. The upper management doesn’t care about the residents. Because that is obvious, they were contacted. We need more Assisted Living & Independent living communities on Stone Street & the South End of Louisville Ky.
With reasonable rates & good managements

There are just so many variables to these living situations that it is difficult to accurately comment on these kinds of living situations. Each case is different which involves family, finances, individual preferences, physical status not to mention medical control. Its not a move that should be made quickly.

Lynn, Your parents can move to an Independent Living Facility, only if they want to. They're independent. If they choose to remain in the two-bedroom apt., then so let them. If going through another move is too much for them, then, and this is only my opinion, the shoud remain where they are now. YOU SHOULD NOT MOVE IN WITH THEM.

I am trying to find out about my Elderly parents that live in Hud housing They do not want to move.They are doing pretty good.My Mom is 76 and my Dad is 85.My Dad has been diagnosed with Demencia and my Mom is getting very tired doing everything.I am there adult daughter.I am 56.I would like to move in and help them.I am diabled with Bipola Disorder, PSTD but get constant psychiatric help and medications.They live in a two bedroom apartment.Does the goverment help people out like this,or do they have to move for me to live with them.I am the only Daughter that lives close and has spent a Great deal of time with them.They have 10 children that live all over the country,but they do not think they could live through another move.They have been here 10 years????????????????


Residential assisted living costs are directly associated with the options you choose for your facility. There are some options you should not compromise on. For example, if you need a maximum care facility, you should pay the cost for this service. However, there are some costs that you can cut without compromising your health and safety. These costs are generally related with the housing facility or services that you will receive while you stay there.