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Siblings Who Care More About The Inheritance Than Parents' Care

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My sisters have been making life h*ll for my mother and myself since my father died last year. Lots of incidents, big and small, including refusing to let my mum see her grandchildren, defamation of our characters, bullying (even on the day of his death and at the funeral), harassment and emotional abuse. My dad died suddenly and it was a terrible shock to my mum and me as we live with him; my sisters chose that moment to unleash their rage on us. This has continued for more than a year. My mother is in good health now but at some stage I will be her full-time carer if I don't get sick first (I am quite stressed out and can't avail of work opportunities - I am self-employed - because my mother needs her with me more than ever, and my social life is now reduced to chatting with friends on Facebook; my mum gets nervous when I mention any friends, as if she thinks I'll abandon her to go for a night out). My mum has a good social life herself (and I'm glad) but only in daytime....I wish she'd go on hols with her friends for a few days so I could get some me-time. I feel like running away and hiding where none of them can find me, and at the same time I know I would never do that because my mum depends on me. I am the only single person in the family and it is all up to me now to look after mum, while fending off accusations. It's only going to get harder as my mum ages. Having said all this, we have protected ourselves as best we can. My mother gave me Enduring Power of Attorney and both our solicitors have kept records of the abuse. I've also written my will and a Living Will which protects me so I will never be dependant on my sisters if I have an accident. My father made a mistake in that he didn't get his will witnessed (it left everything to my mother) and my sisters got a chunk of his money. My mother now worries about money all the time because old age is expensive. It's not as if she can go out to work and I have less money to help her now. We are losing our savings, our peace of mind and our freedom. The sad thing is, life could be so easy for us all if only I had decent sisters. We could take turns bringing mum on outings, and she could see her grandchildren. This has been going on for a year and a half, and my sisters have even poisoned one of the grandkids against my mother.

Hi guys, our dad died two weeks ago after a long illness, he was one tough turkey! I want to thank you all who took the time to send hugs and constructive suggestions to help me on my journey with being a 24/7 live in carer...

Dads funeral will be on the 26th April, he spent the last 3 weeks in the most beautiful nursing home... Colne View, Halstead, Essex. UK.

During the week I took 16 bottles of Fraxinet and a pot of orchids to all the staff and laundry ladies... Now listen?

I asked my 2 sisters for a contribution to the £250 I'd spent... "it's your problem and your loss for being so generous"..... in short the answer was no!

Then, as executrix of our dads will, I'm staying at his house 2 days a week, to do some sorting and garden maintenance... "well we expect you to pay for the electric and water that you use"!!!

Listen again....? I could have had the bulk of our dads estate, but in 2011 I strongly encouraged him to re write his will, in order that us 3 girls would receive an equal share of inheritance.... am I stupid or what! Not really, now I know why my dad favoured me, I'm better than they are.

angels 96, I have a similar family member to you. You have my sympathies. He hasn't live in the UK for over 30 years, but has an insane need to control everything, especially finances. I moved in with my parents temporarily after I sold my house, at my mother's request. My Dad changed his Lasting Power of Attorney to me (it had originally been me, but my family member persuaded them to change it to him - in secret). My Dad told him they I should be LPA for practical reasons. My family member has spent 3 years trying to trash my reputation, spread lies about me to Social Services, and the Office of the Public Guardian saying I was bullying them and I was out to steal all their money. He turned up on the doorstep filming us in secret, set me up and made a dodgy Case against me. Lied to the Court, faked a letter from my Dad, upset the women in the bank, estate agents, staff at the new accommodation.This was an act of intimidation, harrassment and bully boy tactics. I had to leave the house and take any paperwork with me. My Dad got up early and tried to avoid him. My Dad has had serious health issues, which my family member is aware of, but didn't stop him causing a lot of stress for everyone. He is still spreading lies about me. After a year of bothering Social Services, they told him to stop aggravating everything. He emailed the accommodation when they first moved in saying I was abusing them, and bombarded the reception desk demanding information about me. I wrote an official complaint against him, which is also on file now. He was so out of control, he told Social Services my Dad was abusing my Mum! A devoted couple of 57 years. He had set up a joint account with them, swiped a large amount of money and kept it unlawfully for 7 months, until he was finally forced to return it. He said he was "Keeping it safe" from me... This past year I have been unable to work, as my parents have both been in and out of hospital. They weren't taking their medication properly and would get verbally abusive if I told them. I spent 2 months taking them to doctors and hospitals for various ailments, had to change the GP when they moved, and change pharmacists. After one 12 hour day in two hospitals and a doctors surgery, my Dad was sent to hospital, ending up there for 2 weeks with heart failure. My Mum has early onset of Alzhemiers and gets very distressed if myself or Dad aren't there, so I had to stay with her 24/7 for two weeks, taking her to visit every day. When he got home, she fainted and ended up in hospital. I have arranged daily medication visits. I had to fight to get a 6 week care plan in place for them both, as no-one told me it was available, whilst calling numerous private care agencies, most of whom were oversubscribed. My Dad is in hospital again after falling out of bed, so I am with my mother again. I want to go back to London, but it is impossible for me to work. I think I will have to sign on as a full time carer. We wrote to him saying he should at least say thank you to me and to stop causing trouble. He is sulking like a brat, and sent a Christmas card to "Mum" saying Dad and I are blocking his calls. We are not, but we should be after all the nuisance calls and malicious letters he's sent about me. I've seen a lawyer about Defamation of Character, getting a restraining order against him, and whether I can sue him for compensation. I've been advised to wait for now. Social Services advised my Dad to put on record with a solicitor that he did not agree with this family member saying I'm manipulating them and abusing them financially. This guy has assets in the UK worth £2,000,000. Plus an expensive house in the USA and an off shore account. He hasn't worked in over three years, and has squandered my parents money on legal fees. I hope he goes bankrupt or gets sectioned! Maybe I should ask him to pay me a wage. The time that I have spent at doctors, looking for parking spaces, and wheelchairs, waiting for blood test results, etc etc etc. Him and his Stepford Wife think that making a phone call or writing a phoney letter is enough. His wife's brother seems to be the main carer in her family. This family member and his wife are fake, selfish, manipulative and money-oriented. Horrible people. My parents had a "friend", who saw them as her parents. My mother gave her access to her Spanish bank account, without my father's knowledge. Large amounts of money have left that account. My mother leant her 15,000 euros via commercial solictitors, with a deadline of 3 years to pay it back. She 'forgot' to do this, and didn't say anything. She passed information to my my family member, stirred things up and I got so fed up with her, I got solicitors to chase her after my parents said they wanted their money back. I have to record conversations, keep letters etc as evidence for the future. I never know when I am going to get a call. They rang me at 6.30 a couple of days ago, after I spent all weekend trying to lift my Dad out of bed as he had Sciatica and could hardly move. I liaise with doctors, physios, recovery team. It's a full time job and it's getting me down. Think yourselves lucky you don't have a Psycho "family member" like mine.

Life is never fair

It seems the one that gives the most gets the least

It doesn't even need to be about the siblings. In my case, it was my parents who cared more about the inheritance to me than their own care.

My folks, who were in their mid-to-late 90's, still living in a single family house, wouldn't blow the dust off the wallet to paid someone to help them. I was a senior myself with my own age decline issues, but I guess my parents thought I was still that 35 years old who was faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

My Mom refused caregivers and cleaning help. Thank goodness I wasn't hands-on but what I was doing was exhausting enough at my age, plus I had my own career and house to maintain. I told my parents use their rainy day funds to get help. Oh no, that was to be my inheritance to which I said "if I live long enough to see it" and "you both might outlive me".

Once my Mom passed, Dad started dipping into the rainy day funds and he got caregivers, but he was still counting the pennies.

Like Maya Angelou said - when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

Vicksky, this is so common. Many siblings simply don't understand what goes into caregiving. They are willing to let you essentially give up your life (and often future earnings) but object when you are paid even a token amount from an estate where the money is available. It's one thing many caregivers face and it can tear families apart. I'm so sorry that you faced this.
Carol

Tochis, the payments to your sister should have ideally been discussed prior to mom's move. However, just because it was not discussed in advance does not mean it cannot be brought up now, and certainly 55,000 for 30 months care is not very much at all. If your mom wants to have this care she should be the one to decide if that is what she is willing to pay--and if mom doesn't want to pay that much, she better taken a a good look at the other options out there, and how much they cost.

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When I took care of my mom, while she was dying, dad put it into writing and he paid me about $950. Not a lot, but it was something. Well you guess what, after the funeral a few months, one of my sister found out and raised holy heck about it! How ungrateful! I dont understand some of these siblings. They send glittery holiday cards signed "Love" and yet when a little bit of actual money is used to provide necessary loving care, those card-sending siblings all of a sudden start pointing fingers. Just so sad.