< Back to article

Siblings Who Care More About The Inheritance Than Parents' Care


I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing I or anyone else can do to stop the vultures swooping in at the end. As long as there are next-of-kin, there are parasites. All we can do is be kind to our elderly parents and look after our own health and emotional wellbeing as much as possible so we don't pass away ourselves, leaving our parents even more vulnerable. One thing the death of my father has taught me is that I am no longer part of a family but I still have my mum, thank God - and thank God for friends who are better than sisters to me.

So, here is my story. My father was diagnosed with cancer about 5 years ago. He fought long and hard, but lost this battle in March. The weeks leading up to his death were very difficult. I was over to my parents home every morning before I went to work to help him get out of bed and get breakfast for him. I was back at their home in the evenings to put him in bed. I would have to call my brother or a friend to help me. Our sister was rarely there and she's a nurse! The only thing that she wanted to help with was sorting his medications. I finally broke down and called Hospice. My brother was all for it, our sister was mad about it. Come to find out, her oldest son had been stealing pain pills from our father (yes, his dying grandfather) and our sister not only knew about it, but was calling in more prescriptions even though dad wasn't the one taking them. We had Hospice in the home for about a week and a half before dad passed. I just found out that my sister took the remaining Oxy and Hydro that were left. So now our mother has a back fracture and they found fluid on her brain. She needs to be in skilled nursing to recover from the back injury before going in for the shunt placement. My sister works in an assisted living home and insisted that mom come there. I informed her that medicare does not pay for assisted living and that mom would not get the care she needs there anyway. She tried to get mom out of the hospital without my knowledge and take her anyway. I happened to be there and was able to get mom into a nice home with skilled nursing to get her on the road to recovery. I keep encouraging mom that she will only be there for a few weeks before they take her back to the hospital to drain the fluid - which will help her so much with walking and memory problems. My sister calls her daily to lay the guilt trip on her for not being in the facility that she works at. I know how evil she can be as she was also trying to convince our father of removing our brother from the Trust....while dad was dying. She feels that our brother received the business and should not be on the trust. My sister is in a lot of debt and currently living with a friend because she spends all of her money on shopping and doesn't pay bills. I am so concerned with her being alone with mom. Sorry for typing such a lengthy story, but I am at a loss.

This is my story, and there is money. It has been a horror show, no help what so ever. A friend of mine came to help, stole and I was thrown out and blamed for her actions after seven years. The caretaker, or someone is continuing to steal, and when I addressed it, my brother who is power of Attorney, tried to keep me from going to the house. It has been a difficult time, losing my father and the unbelievable unkindness from my brother and sister, who has never done a single thing. There is money, and he keeps her in the house w/dementia to save the money for himself. It has been the most difficult time of my life. I tried to get a list of the money spent, but that is impossible because it is a blind trust, and I feel confident that he is spending at will. I feel this decade has been 30 years. And don't even try to find work after a decade off. I have lost faith in myself, God and mankind over this-but am determined to change the energy to be positive. It is work, but well worth it.

Brother's wife abused the POA and set herself up as online banker for my dad's account without his knowledge, request or approval. She also let herself walk into his bank and inquired as to how much money he had and who was listed on the beneficiaries. Always accused me of being unscrupulous. In addition to that, when both mom and dad had passed, she was first in line to keep their lake home "because mom and dad wanted them to have it stay in the family" sniff sniff and yet refused to negotiate fairly--offering me only about 75% of the value of the property-- a difference of over $50K! When I finally acquiesed, just so I would not have to deal with her anymore, she refused to actually pay me, and I ended up having to hire an attorney and threaten to sue. Brother said and did nothing, just let his wife run roughshod over me. SIL would also would send hateful email to me in the middle of the night, signing my brother's name. I was sole caregiver for both mom and dad for over 3 years with no help from my only brother or his family of 6. When mom passed, none of the 4 grandkids could bother to attend the funeral. (Yet, they were happy to enjoy their lake house the following week). Shameless! As bad as it was with these monsters, I am better off now without them in my life. Going through this really opens your eyes to the people in your life, especially the ones whom you thought 'loved you' and had your back. They say every family has this, I would have never thought it, but when it came to money, the truth comes out!

My mum's situation hasn't changed since I was last on here. I contacted one of my sisters trying to make peace so my mother could see the children (I say "make peace" but my mother and I have done nothing wrong). She responded with some narcissistic rubbish about her willing me to call her and me obeying her wish! (I won't use the exact words because she has been stalking me online and might figure out that I'm on this forum - I don't need any more harassment from her!) I sucked it up for the sake of my mum, but she started a big row on the phone with my mother (the usual headwrecking rubbish - changing plans, changing times and locations, refusing to give her address but demanding we meet here there). In the end my mum said we'd meet them in a hotel lobby and take them for lunch. We waited for over an hour and bit our tongues over lunch. As soon as lunch was over my sister and niece started a row while I was away from the table for a few minutes (paying for the meal). What should have been a happy reunion between my mother and her grandkids turned into the usual drama. She still misses her youngest grandchild but is very bitter about the rest of them. It is heartbreaking. For my part, I try to keep her happy, bringing her out for lunch, watching TV with her and encouraging her to see her friends. My career is taking a back seat though I am self-employed and have found a way to work from home. I miss my freedom but at the same time I have learned to take pleasure in simple things such as feeding the wild birds, and I have never watched so much TV. Like Spangle and others on here, we are all just about managing to cope. It's great to have a forum like this where we can share our experiences and offer advice. I strongly recommend everyone here puts an Enduring Power of Attorney in place - for themselves. Pick a non-family member you trust and who is (very importantly) capable and (preferably) younger than yourself. You will need it to protect you from your siblings if you are ever incapacitated. Don't wait until you are elderly. You have seen how vulnerable your parents are. My mother and I have taken all legal precautions to protect ourselves from our horrible next-of-kin.

I have done everything possible i could do for my mum . never took a penny from her and refused when she offered to pay my staff that i had to pay when i was away from work taking her to appointments or even just out for the day.
I have ( had) one brother who in thirty years plus as never took her out, had her for tea, Christmas, or anything that a loving son would do. A sister who has only took money from her and ask her to take out a loan at the age of 74 years ! and never paid a penny back. it breaks my heart!. Ufortunately the law seams to think that it ok the let them have the same benefits. I wonder if they were in the same situation that they would be happy!

Too many greedy family members, especially when significant amounts of money are involved!

I wrote a few months back on here. I had a situation like many here. It made caregiving so much harder and I believe it complicated my grief later. For example, while I was caregiving my sister spread very awful things about me and acted like I didn't exist. She caused a lot of pain in her anger about not getting everything for herself. That was hard to deal with after Dad passed away, as I already had feelings of guilt, despair, flashbacks, almost like PTSD. I am getting some counseling now and just want to let others know that it is helping me. Just something to consider when it is all over. Your feelings and perspectives may be very confused if you have had these troubles with siblings.

I'm so grateful to have found this site.Really helps me see I am not alone in my struggles as a caregiver.


I never thought I would see this in my family,but I do.I have been care giving for a total of 25 years and my mother is still with me.I have devoted my life and both my sisters have money and I don't have much.I do not get any help at all.