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Mourning A Parent or Spouse's Death

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Dear N1K2R3, so sorry to hear about your loss. I don't have any great advice, but send you a hug. I pray God comfort you and give you grace during this difficult time. Sounds like you were a wonderful Caregiver during his last days. Please don't be too hard on yourself, as we all just do the best we can each moment. I pray you have some wonderful memories of your time spent with him, and that healing will come to you. Seems like there are some good ideas in the above article. Take care of you.

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Now I am the one who needs help. Is there anyone out there who has lost a husband who was loved, adored and admired so much?
Most people whom I know who have lost a beloved spouse seem to go on with their lives. Don't tell me to "take a class", "get involved in community affairs" or something stupid. I have a doctorate myself, and long to hear his intelligent conversation,
(no one else seemed to match his depth of perception). It hasn't been that long, but what I would't give to have him back in that chair again or in his garden chair, or in his hospital bed at home. What I wouldn't give to be able to spoon-feed him again, change his "paper panties" (diapers), administer all those pills, read the morning paper to him, roll him out into the garden in his wheelchiar, bring the puppy over to his lap, watch some old movies with him.... In the end he could not speak, but I knew what he was thinking, and he knew my thoughts also. I missed a few cues, especially the last one which meant "don't let me die in the hospital, keep me here at home". I didn't read that one right, and he died in the ER.