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A Journey of Hope After Loss

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I am the youngest of 10 children. I lost a sister and my father a few years later. I was living in another state and had to get back to my job. I did go through strange emotional changes, get depressed, then feel alright again. I finally thought I had over come my grief because it has been a decades ago. Well, my mother remarried and my step father got terminal cancer. I came back home and have been there ever since 2005. My mother was having a very hard time dealing with my step father`s death, so I quit my job and came back home to be with her. She worked until 2007 and retired. Then came the diagnosis. My mother was in the early stages of alzheimers. As the years passed, it progressed and I became her constant caregiver. She kept falling and breaking her hip and femur bones. They operated and she could still walk with a walker. This was the way it was for several years, then she fell again and the doctor informed us they could not operate because of her advanced age, so off to the nursing home. I and my siblings who traveled from both coasts visited her daily. I knew the truth but didn`t want to admit she would never come home again. At least I could visit her. Well, she went into the nursing home in August and died in October 2017. I`m literally grief stricken and it`s actually painful. My stomach feels like I swallowed rocks. Not only this, but I had to put my beloved dog down on October 1st, then mom dies the 19th. Now I`m grief stricken and alone in the house. I don`t know how to proceed. I rarely leave the house. I know God works in mysterious ways but this was a double whammy ! I`m crying all the time and look 100 years old. Grief is something you have to work through but I feel stuck, depressed and alone. You know alot of people say the funeral and wake are the easy part. How true ! It`s because you are surrounded by loved ones and supporting one another. A week after the funeral and everyone is gone, that is when it hits. I loved my mother and dog more than anything. My whole life has changed in a matter of weeks. I sob uncontrollably. I`m nobody`s little boy anymore. I have well meaning friends but I don`t want to see anyone. I don`t even want to shower. I know this isn`t healthy but I don`t feel I have any options. I actually feel sick but the world still goes on.

Bringing this back to the top for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Recommend "15 Things I Wish I'd Known About Grief" by TerynObrien.

This is a helpful place. I doubt my problem can be easily solved, if ever. I cared for my husband through a year of terminal cancer. We had been running a very successful business. He had to be my priority. The business ceased. I became his full time everything, nurse, mother etc. After he died, I had to sort out the mess. We owned several homes, they were all in mortgage default and had to go. At the end, I was left with my furniture. That's it. I believe I have never physically recovered. Ten years have passed. Many health problems including a heart attack. I now have a modest home with no mortgage which is great. My issue now is, my energy has never returned. I am susceptible to whatever illness is going around. Still not able to fully function due to lack of energy. I am taking special care of myself now. I want to see improvement. I have tried pushing myself to do things. It just causes extreme fatigue. I don't expect anyone to have the answer. I am 65 now.

peace of mind and reality

its quite true,yes these are somebody""s shoes but we can imagine the effects from simple visualisation...

The city I live in has bereavement classes at the local mortuary. You may want to check around for something like that with the mortuaries or churches. Good luck to you!!!

We are living in Central Florida, Lake Co. My husband is bringing mom to live with us, but she needs a retreat type place to help her with her grief at the loss of her husband last June. Can anyone recommend a retreat/recovery place that can help her with this grief?

My love,of 37 years,[March/2/2011,was our anniversary].Died,4/10/2011.I was by his side,telling him my love for him ,reassuring him,that he was so much loved by our 5,children.he had,that horrible disease.Parkinson.I was lucky enough,to be at his side to catch his last breath.Ineed him so very much.He was not only my love,but friend,lover and so much more.To had being his caregiver for these past years,was an honor.I have a great family,of course they tell me time will have to pass,so for now all ,I want is to be alone,dont get me wrong,but i want to cry,shout,it feels so ,YOU ALL UNDERSTAND.MyMOM passed less then 4 months ago,iwas her caregiver also.MOMhad dimentia.THANKS,FOR PUTTING WITH ME.Sorry,for all your losses.GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Hi everyone!!! I haven't been on for a very long time. Even after a year and a half, I too, am still having difficulties dealing with guilt. I know that I did my very best, but even still, I feel that things were unfinished with my Dad.

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I just recently joined this site, due to being my Mother's caregiver. Last May my Dad passed away at the age of 83. My Mom was sick with ALzheimers and lung issues. At one point they were both sick but in different hospitals.When my dad passed away, I had to take care of mom and never really got to grieve for my Dad. On March 18th, my Mom went very peacefully to heaven and I feel as if I lost them both at the same time. I kept mom in her home right till the end. I kissed her goodnight and told her I loved her and she said"Love you too." She passed in her sleep before morning. I am feeling so guilty for the mean things I said to mom when I was so nervous and frustrated. I try to tell myself I did the best I could for her but I am having a hard time dealing with it.