marie55 Asked May 2012

I am 19 and a caregiver to my 55-year-old mother. I am depressed and overwhelmed. What can I do?

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My mother had a stroke and it seem like she not getting any batter and it borting me cause i'm 19 with a two years old boy. I'm tired taking care of her by myself. What can i do? I'm trying to take her to a nursing home but i don't know if that a good idea. can somebody help me. It hard to to this by myself and it making me so depress...

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Chicago1954 Sep 2014
This is a very old post.
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Leolady2007 Sep 2014
Wow, how sad...you are just a teenager, and should be going out and doing things with other kids. You have the double-whammy of having kids as a kid so having to be a parent, as well as parenting a parent, and so young...when do you get to live your life? People are right, with Obamacare and medicaid, there is no reason that you shouldn't have medical care and help. Since she has a disability now, applying for disability for her at SS office so there can be a caretaker to come over would give you a break, plus a small income. Low income makes many more options...if you were middle class and older and could support her or if she had a lot of money, you would actually have a lot less options because medical care in this country is ridiculously expensive. People are right, a quick trip to a welfare office [DSHS, foodstamps] would answer that if you make an appointment with a caseworker. Can help you get daycare for your child as well. She is probably too young for a home, but there are people that come to you and help, and the state pays.
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1tired Sep 2014
This POST is MORE THAN 2 YEARS OLD!
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Mothermo Sep 2014
Please get in touch with area for the aging plus your senior citizen centers ask for respite help under the lawsuit against any cigarette company there is money for you to get a break also call hospice care in your area see if the have free home counseling and have all your questions on paper about a nursing home short stay if your mom goes to hospital and is admitted not observation Admitted four three days or more you can get her insurance to pay for nursing home for awhile get information I got my mom three an half weeks but I had to pay 4,000 bucks it was a good break just get to calling and get a counselor Now
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judyjudy May 2012
Your doctor can ask for home health care for your parents and get Social Services involved. The Social Worker can help you obtain Medicaid/MediCal, depending on the State you are in. The VA can offer services if either parent is a Vet. You can obtain free Power of Attorney forms on-line for Health Care (Advanced Care Directives), General Durable Power of Attorney forms, Wills, the complete manuals of all sorts of services from those to Veterans, Medicare manuals, etc. The Dana and Christopher Reeve Foundation has a free book of over 300 pages of useful resources and information for disabled people. There are "talking machines" which people who have lost their voices can utilize that may be covered by Medicare or Medicaid. If they have vision difficulties, the government and most states have all sorts of resources available. Many are free. Most States have some sort of Aging and Disabilities resources agencies. Social Services Departments at the VA, hospitals, Home Health Care Organizations or the County Social Services Department may have useful sources of information. Google your questions regarding equipment, resources, financial info and you will find all sorts of into. There is a grant called "Modest Needs" which can help with some financial needs. Some cities like Oakland California's "Rebuilding Oakland" have programs which help elderly people with everything from wheelchair ramps to putting a new roof on the house. There are volunteer organizations through some churches which do the same thing. Some high schools and colleges have volunteer requirements for their students and they may have helpful ideas. Americathebeautifulfund.org. supplies flower and vegetable seeds at very low prices...about $12 for the first 100 packs and $5 for each hundred after that which can help with food costs. Sometimes local colleges have OT and PT volunteers among students. Local colleges also have dental schools for low cost dental care, vision care etc. Lions Clubs will help with eye exams and glasses. Many illnesses and diseases have websites with all sorts of advice, resources, and information on everything from diets to special equipment and research being done in the field. Many will list clinical trials or stem cell research in a specific area. A really knowledgeable social worker might be able to help you find these resources. I provide them for the families of my own patients. It requires a lot of time and energy to find them and it is really difficult when you are trying to do all the care yourself. Unfortunately, most Social Service organizations are so busy that they don't have time to do the research for you. I called In Home Care services for an evaluation for a 90 yo patient who needed care immediately and the social worker for the County said she had 400 cases on her list and would not be able to get out to evaluate the patient for 6 weeks. This is common. And California has some of the best services in the Country! Get on-line and see what you can find. Call local Social Service agencies and make an appointment. Be sure to download the application on the website and read what paperwork you will need to bring with you. Make a portfolio of your parents medical reports, financial info, Powers of Attorney, Will, utility bills, insurances, assets, etc. Any military service records (application available on line). Make sure they have Medicare Parts A,B,C,and D and are signed up for a Medicare Advantage program. You can make these changes usually between Oct and Dec. The actual dates vary from year to year. Check into disability, SSDI. Your parents may be eligible. If either is on dialysis, talk to the dialysis social worker. She may know of additional resources available. Medicare or medicaid may cover some Adult Day Care services or respite care. Check into this. Good luck. This is a very difficult and overwhelming problem and it is tough going it alone.
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BS0213 May 2012
When is it appropriate to have or consider a NH ? My MIL has vascular dementia she keeps falling, has BM accidents sometimes she doesn't even know she goes! Does sick and blizzard things and now combative? My husband is in denial I get no support from anyone, I've talked with social workers her doctor, the county of aging everyone! My hands are tied its my husbands call! Help any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Good morning to all
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cowgirl May 2012
There are all sorts of resources available, you have to keep reaching out. Starting here is the best place. I am going through the same thing, but I am much older than you. Still it has taken a big portion of my life and has made me angry and resentful and is a very tough road. You can not do this alone. Talk to her doctors first and tell them of your situation. They should point you in the right direction for help. We love our loved ones, but it is way to hard to do alone.
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Sarahjean May 2012
Look into the TX State Agency on Aging and disabilities - you can google it. Call them, they will have resources and information that will help you.
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jeannegibbs May 2012
Good gracious young lady, OF COURSE you are feeling overwhelmed and sad. That is a valid and reasonable reaction to the sad and overwhelming situation you find yourself in. While your feelings are normal in this situation you need to get the situation changed so you can experience calm and happines again.

You've been given some very good suggestions and advice on this thread and on your home page. I was overwhelmed when I was thrust into the role of fulltime caregiver and I was three times your age, with plenty of life experience and education and resources. Based on my experience here are some things that can help:

1. Don't do it alone. Get a professional to guide you through the complicated processes of getting Mom what she needs. I found a Social Worker from my county's Social Services was a good place to start. You've gotten lots of suggestions about contacting agencies that might help. Pick one and get started. Mabe you'll get routed to different sources but be persistent. There is help out there for you.

2. Get help figuring out the finances. Remember, you are not responsible for financially supporting your mother.

3. Get some counselling help for yourelf. Not because you are broken and need to be fixed, but because you deserve all the help and support you can get to allow you to feel good about yourself.

Hang in there! The problem is in the situation, not in you. With help you can improve the situation.
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Marie: We've not heard back from you. Hope you will contact us and respond to those who are concerned for you, your mom and your child. Aside for your mom, Marie, you are only 19 years old and need to get your life together. You have a child to support and probably some work skills to learn. Maybe you are living with your mom in an apartment and her income, maybe Social Security, is paying the rent. It may be that you are caught between a rock and a hard place. Not able to continue to care 24/7 for your mom, but worried about how you will provide for your son if she is placed and you have no place to live.

Whatever your circumstances, just be open and we will give you all the support we can. Hugs, Cattails.
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