I am 27 years old I have been taking care of my mom and my younger brother for 4 years I'm tired and want to move on my own what should I do?

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Rafi can you tell us more about your situation? Is mom able to care for herself in any way, and how old is she? What is your brother's age and condition? Are you in school or working? How would you or they do if you moved out and where would you move?
mom is currently working part time but if I leave they wont survive on her own income .My mom is 49 years old and my brother is 17 he has no health problems, but my mom tells me she is not able to work certain jobs due to her joint problems. I just finished my term in the army I injured my back real bad and had surgery I cant stand longer than an hour without terrible lower back pain. I am currently waiting for my school paperwork to come through so I can start. If I moved out they will lose 3/4 of the household income
Top Answer
As you probably know, Rafi, you are not responsible for supporting your mother and brother. You are responsible for making your own way in the world, preparing to support yourself for the rest of your life in spite of your injury, saving for your own old age, etc. Perhaps some day you will be responsible for supporting a spouse and children. You are not responsible for supporting your mother and your brother.

But you know that, don't you?

If your mother is unable to work enough to support herself, is she eligible for disability payments? Where is your father in this picture? If he is living, is he contributing to your brother's support? If he has died, is your brother entitled to some SS benefits? Could mother learn a new trade that does not include pressure on her joints? She may be around another 40 years or more. She absolutely must have some other plans for supporting herself besides relying on your income. If she is only working part time she probably isn't building up much SS credit, and not able to save for her old age. Your family is extremely lucky that you have been able to help them out for four years. Now it is time for you to move on your own.

Give your mother plenty of warning. "I'm going to start back to school in September. I will be moving out before the end of the first term. I will help you look into alternative arrangements for you and Brother if you'd like me to. My last contribution of income to this household will be December." (Or whatever you timeline is, of course.)

Give plenty of notice. Offer to help with researching options. Try very hard not to feel guilty, but take action even if you do feel some guilt. You are entitled to a life of your own.

Good luck! (And please let us know how this is working out for you.)

How did your mom make ends meet before she became dependent on your income? Are you on disability at this time, due to your back injury, and will your current income remain steady over the coming years? What is the likely hood of a good recovery for you?

I'm sorry for your circumstances. You are in a difficult position. Would it be possible for you to hang in there for a while longer? Could you talk to your mom and make a one year plan for change. As I say this, it is with the assumption that you could go to school locally if you stayed with your mom for a year. If so, explain to your mom that you can give it a year. Your brother will be out of high school by then. If he chooses to go to a local junior college, there is no reason he can't work a part time job if he continues to live at home.

I don't know if your mom owns her home or is renting, but she may need to consider subsidized housing to keep a roof over her head or entertain the idea of an older responsible room mate. She may need to apply for disability if her joint issues are serious enough to qualify. She needs to start considering her options now and start working on them.

Your mom is young, but the job market is pretty difficult right now and there is a lot of competition for the jobs that allow you to make a living. What job skills does your mom have? Maybe she needs to contact Social Services/unemployment and get some direction on job training.

These are my initial thoughts. A plan helps and it puts people on notice that change is coming. Maybe you can gently help her through the process of change. You are certainly entitled to your own life and, at your age, I so understand that you need your freedom.

See what you can do to bring change about for your mom too. A year might seem like eternity right now, but it will go quickly.

You are a good son and I am sending you lots of hugs. Cattails
Where is the school you are intending to attend? In the same city where you currently live? Halfway across the continent?
I am going to school locally and my lease is up next may. Everybody thank you for you support I was feeling really guilty by deciding to leave, but I feel if I stay I will never have my own personal life I have never had an apartment on my own. I feel it will be a great experience and I cant wait :-)
Best wishes to you ralfi085. You sound like such a great son and you are not letting them down by leaving. It's important to have extra schooling these days - be strong! Your mother will be proud to see you grow & spread your wings. They will have to go through some adjustments - but there are other sources that should be of help to them.
Check out social security disability for your mom
HUD and/or government subsidized housing I think in CA it is called H8 housing.
Check into welfare and food stamps for mom since she still has an underage child (your brother)
There are agencies to help your mom even if she is not retirement age yet.

Good luck to you and blessings.
Sounds like you are Old enough to be on your own&to do things for yourself now.I wish you the best of luck. Wait til your brother is 18. .Perhaps you have taken on the role of the Husband. alot of us suffer&still have to work.Your brother will be 18.so perhaps you should
WAIT til he is 18. tht may be a few months.. Then you can show your brother HE Can do the same.
please do so for yourself&for your brother.Your mother is young yet&instead of being the "HuSBAND Role" be the son&do what you want to do as You should..wait til brother is 18 if you can. Let me know.k. :)
Ralfi, perhaps your mom's physical problems are quite real. She needs to be evaluated by a doctor and if so, contact your local Department of Human Services and the Social Security Administration. Explain her situation to a social worker and let the worker know that help needs to be in place because you will be leaving for college. In the meantime, discuss your brother's plans with him. Help him prepare for tests and to apply to colleges and get financial aid. He needs a place go when he is 18, not just the street. Be good to mom. Remember she chose to carry you 9 months inside her body and go through the agony of childbirth rather than to abort you which she legally could. You are here with a life to live because of her. Still, there is work she can do even from a wheelchair so that is no excuse for her to not work. You deserve to have a life of your own but I urge you to assure a safety net for your mother and brother before doing so. Your mom may be dealing with things she has not shared with you. Be kind. You have been such a fine son and brother.

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