My parent had a stroke on her right but still wants to be independent. It is difficult for her to shower, so she simply doesn’t. Is it worth the trouble to push her take a shower?

Not showering simply isn't an option for my MIL, who lives with us and is in stage 6 Alzheimer's. She doesn't feel she needs it and argues many days, but we are matter-of-fact about it and tell her that everyone in the house showers everyday. Though we don't tell her this, the truth is that she absolutely stinks. If we let her go even one day without a shower, the whole house reeks. She never had good hygiene and what she did have is now gone. Her bathroom habits are appalling. I'll spare you the gross details. Suffice it to say, for the sake of the rest of the family, she simply must be showered daily. She no longer knows how to wash herself, so I let the water run over her for a while and then soap her up myself, every square inch. In the last few weeks, she's gotten so she can't dry herself either, but as I dry her off she's taken to smiling (a miracle, considering that I just made her shower) and telling me how good I am at that. She definitely feels better, but she'll forget that tomorrow and we'll go through it all over again. Smile and nod and be gentle and she at least knows she's loved, even though she hates the process.

I had bone cancer in my right arm years ago, they took a bone from my right leg and hip and saved my arm, I also had a hard time to shower and to tell you the truth i did't always want to, my whole right side hurt from my sholder to my foot, taking a shower is nice and I always felt better when I did but it wasn't life altering if I din't, I think you need to talk to her and find out what the problem really is, in my case it was depression-my body changed i would nolonger do the things i use to do, everything was a challenge from brushing my teeth (right handed) to brushing my hair, her body is different now sh'ell have to face everyday things we all take for granted in a whole new way, she will learn it does take time just be patient, i know it's hard it was hard on my family but today i'm a new person hope this helped.

Yes, she has to bathe. A few reasons: health. When the elderly do not bathe, sores on their bodies can get out of hand quickly and become infected. bedsores can kill if not discovered and cleaned in time. My mom fought and fought but I would not back down.

Another reason: disgusting. Dirty smells bad and is gross. don't get in the habit of allowing it. I appreciate that it is difficult, but just because someone grows old and infirm, that is not an excuse to live below your standards. Fresh and clean can't be beat.

Elizza and S both have great advice. We have the shower chair and hand held shower massager here and mom (89 dementia) is to the point where all I have to do is mention 'shower' and she's there. She feels good during AND after!

good luck, you can do it.

Bobbie

My mother was having similar difficulties with showering and was not doing in regularly. When I would suggest she bathe or take a shower she said she didn't need to. What was really going on was that she had trouble standing in the shower and couldn't get in and out of the tub for a bath or remember exactly what she needed to do. Once I got her a shower chair and started assisting her with her shower she became much more receptive and likes getting her shower now.

Get a geriatric psychiatrist involved in her care.

It might be worth it to look at products that assist with bathing. ABLEDATA has a comprehensive list at http://www.abledata.com/abledata.cfm?pageid=19327&top=11860&deep=2&trail=22&ksectionid=19327

It is absolutely worth it to help your mother take a shower. There are many products that will help - shower chairs, hand-held shower heads - a caregiver, if modesty with family members is the issue. It is important to be clean for health and self-esteem reasons. Showers also help exfoliate so the skin stays fresh and less dry. Your mother may not like looking forward to a shower, but she will be very happy afterwards! Good luck!

if she & her husband are 'caring' for themselves, you may not
be able to change her and his thinking, (her decision not to bathe.)
If a caregiver comes into the home, that person might be able
to persuade, whereas YOU are just irritating them! Just prior to
her next doctor appt., you might speak to the office nurse, or even try to speak with the doctor, and alert one of them that the subject of bathing needs to be brought up, hopefully without your name being mentioned. Make sure she has a shower bench or chair--and that it fits half-way or entirely into the shower stall. Some homes are just way too difficult for people with physical disabilities to negotiate around, so they move around as little as possible...can't blame them!

I'm caring for my 85 y.o. mom in her home (she has CHF and an assortment of other illnesses). She also refuses to shower, every time I ask her, it's always 'not now I'm dizzy or my stomach hurts or later' - I try to shower her once a week. There's no way she'd do it more often. I've found that if I change the sheets on her bed and lay out her fresh pajamas, undies and socks, and tell her "OK it's time for your shower." there is much less resistance. I have a sturdy shower chair with a back and side handles and a detachable sprayer. All she has to do is sit there. I do everything. Works great.

kmanda, I agree with ba8alou that a doctor used to dealing with elderly patients who have dementia should get involved. Perhaps some medication would help her be less anxious and more cooperative.

Otherwise, yes, a nursing home is the next setting.