My parent had a stroke on her right but still wants to be independent. It is difficult for her to shower, so she simply doesn’t. Is it worth the trouble to push her take a shower?

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Trouble with shower, had no trouble at clinic. Person is 77 and has a stroke on right but still wants to be independent. Very dangerous for us. Kind person but losing cognitive ability now. Tired of the shower and her husband tells us to leave it. So we have him in the equation. I have lost eight pounds. Is it worth the trouble to push on the shower? Tracy.

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I began saying hurtful things to people when my mother died, and I was only 55 years old at the time
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my mom is lazy and won't do anything for herself, she says it is easier to sit in her chair and have everything brought to her. I have 2 brothers ans 1 sister yet I have done this for the past 3 years with no pay or days off...At my wits end!!
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kmanda, I agree with ba8alou that a doctor used to dealing with elderly patients who have dementia should get involved. Perhaps some medication would help her be less anxious and more cooperative.

Otherwise, yes, a nursing home is the next setting.
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Get a geriatric psychiatrist involved in her care.
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My mother is almost 95 and in a Memory Care facility with her own room & bathroom. For the last 6 years or so she has resisted taking showers and it has gotten to the point where the caregivers nor my sister or I can get her to shower at all. She gets very angry and agressive telling us she will take one when she is ready and to just leave her alone and "stop hammering constantly on her to do things." She is incontinent and we are of course concerned for skin breakdown, bedsores as well as her body odor. She was "kicked out" of the last Assisted Living facility as they could not manage her hygiene and incontinence as she will not change her pull ups or anyone (including my sister and I) assist in changing them. Her current Memory Care facility is looking to move her now as they cannot manage same even though this facility is supposed to specialize in behavioral issues. We do not know what the next step should be? Skilled Nursing? Her cognitive skills are pretty good and at times when in conversation with her, people are amazed that she is 95 and has any dementia. We are truly at our wit's end. Any suggestions as to where to turn and next steps? Any advice is welcomed! Thank you!
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It certainly isn't a feasible solution for everyone, but our walk-in tub is awesome! Mom gets a bath once a month, during her stay at my house. Sister helps her shower at least once a week.

We got the tub for my husband, who LOVED it. Now Mom gets to enjoy it. But the truth is, I love it too.
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Oh goodness. If I'd noticed that spongebob1's question was over a year old, I wouldn't have responded!
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spongebob1, If your mother really is of sound mind, she can decide how much to drink, and whether she wants her house clean. You cannot "force" her to change her behavior. So I certainly hope you can come up with a way to persuade her to make changes. If you are going to hire housecleaning done, will you be paying for it, or will she need to? Could you make it a gift for, say, three months? "Mom, you have been taking care of us, then Dad, and now yourself for x years, and we think it is time you get to retire from a few tasks. So we are giving you a cleaning service for x weeks. You can be there while they clean, if you like. We got and checked references. I think you are really going to like this! Let us know how it goes." Maybe once she gets used to it she'll like it well enough to continue with it after your gift period is over.

My mother is not quite incontinent but she does have a mess in her underwear. She lives with my sister, and Sis puts a panty liner in each pair of undies when they come out of the drier. Mother does not object. When the time comes, my sister will replace her cloth undies with disposables. In your case, would liners work well? Since you don't live with your mother this would be harder for you, but maybe you could bring it up in a round-about way. Because of hemroids, I use liners, too. Would you be willing to claim you do? Maybe she could help you (when she is visiting) put liners in your clean undies. You could explain that it keeps you fresher and really helps the panties come out of the wash totally clean. Ask if she'd like some of the liners for her panties. I don't know ... it is a sensitive topic. My husband (dementia) used liners for several years, and then used disposable underwear. It was no problem getting him to accept this because he really wanted retain the dignity of staying dry and smelling good.

I hope you can come up with ways to help your mother accept some cleaning help and to take better care of her hygiene without a big battle. Knowing that her children accept her and love her is probably even more important to her well-being than being clean, so don't blow that!

Let us know what you try and how it works. We learn from each other.
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Agreed, showers are essential. People can use wipes, but it doesn't clean well enough. Women who don't stay clean can get UTIs more easily and men often start to have problems with the skin of their privates. This problem with the skin can be quite painful. I don't think a daily shower is essential, particularly for men. But I do think the private areas need to be cleaned daily to prevent infection and to keep the skin healthy.
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I agree with everyone else. A shower is a must-have. My dad lived with me for 5 years and toward the end of our living arrangement he became adverse to bathing. I think it was too much trouble for him although he was not disabled in any way. I tried a shower bench but his walk-in shower stall was so tiny nothing fit so I pulled in a patio chair, scrubbed it down with Comet and voila! A shower chair. But even this didn't entice my dad. My dad was a big guy and he had a hard time keeping himself clean after using the bathroom and after a while he began to smell. At first I just mentioned the shower then I had to tell him that he had an odor about him and needed a shower. Nothing. I never understood the reason for his not taking a shower but after a brief stint in the hospital I expressed the need of a bath aide so a bath aide came to the house twice a week and showered my dad. After a few times he decided he could bathe on his own and did so.

Showers are essential to overall health for all the reasons already mentioned. Plus, you always feel good after a shower. If I'm dead tired exhausted and don't feel like taking a shower, I always feel better after and so do our loved ones.....once we get them in the shower.
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