I'm worried my brother isn't caring for my mother. When I ask how she is - he yells at me, even threatened to beat me up. I've tried calling her physicians but they won't talk to me. What are my options?

I am going to play the devil's advocate here. Who has Power of Attorney? Have you ever had your mother in your home for more than a visit? Are you willing to have her come live with you permanently? Go ahead and have her checked upon by the authorities but be prepared to face the chance that your mother has to be moved to a nursing home or come to live with you. Your brother may be doing the best he can and in order for him to care for your mother, he has to use her money to pay the bills. I know that I cannot hold a job and also care for my mother and I have to use her money for food and electric bills and other items that my kids need. Give your brother a warning that you are sending the authorities.

You can call social services in the city where your mother lives and explain the situation and that you fear for her safety and well-being. In our state it is called the Cabinet for Health and Family Services. They will send someone to check out the situation to make sure that your mother is not being abused. Or you could call the local police department and they should be able to direct you to the correct department.

I believe your main concern is your Mom's health issues, and that is #1 priority. If this is your main concern you need to get very real about the big picture. You need to be proactive, get a full understanding of her care, needs, medication, finances and legal papers in order to do so. If your brother is taking the steps for Mom in good faith and his intentions are good he may just be overwhelmed and stressed and in need of your support. If this is the case, offer help and understanding in anyway you can, even if he needs you to make phone calls or anything you can do from a distance. Noone wants the job as caregiver but when you are the one, accusations and critisism are not welome, in fact it creates agression towards the one making them, you may not be doing that intentionally but he may see it that way. Native American quote "Do not judge a man until you walk a mile in his mocasins." Dr.'s by law cannot release anyones info it is called HIPPA if your Mom signs HIPPA forms for every Dr. caring for her giving you permission to release the info, then by Law you have that right. So get mom to sign them for you. Adult protective services is a resource that you may need to check into, if he reacts the same after offering help and you still believe he has ill intentions. They will take over and look for someone else to care for her, if noone is willing state will take over for her protection. Keep in mind to hire homecare is very expensive and long term residency is even more costly and these alternative options do not mean the best option or peace of mind for either you or your brother. I suggest working together for the best solution overall no matter what it takes. Very important that every cent of her income and assets be in order, logged and for her personal care needs only. In the event of bills occured during someone elses care and power of her monies, may be ordered by law to be repayed if not accounted for. I aquired alot of knowledge of legal issues, resources and finacial issues on the web you need laws for her residential county and state. Good Luck!!! Keep us informed we are here for support and to guide you... experience is a great teacher.

I totally agree w/ Luvmom. My youngest brother was a special favorite of my Mom. Even though he wasn't the most reliable, Mom trusted him, and took his advice, and entered into partnerships, etc. with him. Even though we siblings knew what was going on, and knew he didn't always give her the best direction, we knew he would never do anyting to harm Mom, and we stepped back, allowing her to decide for herself. My brother always had her back covered, no matter what. That's my experience. It may not be yours, but think about what Luvmom has said. Is your bro good, or is he bad? You probably know the answer to that.

Yes, call the local social services agency. They will help you. That's their job. They helped me when my dad became outrageous and I feared for my mom's safety. Now they check in on them on a regualr basis. Explain the situation and try to be very matter-of-fact. Does your mother have a phone? Can you speak with her directly? I don't understand why the doctors won't talk to you....Perhaps another trip is in order.
Good luck, Make those calls!!
-SS

Im gonna have to play devils advocate to. By all means if you feel she is being abused get it checked out. If you are more upset about him using her money for bills, try not to be critical of this, I am staying home now to take care of a realitive who has no money, the finacial hardship that we have due to the loss of one income is very hard, not to mention all it takes for the litle things they need everyday, he has to keep a home for her to live in. I wish she had something to help with, coming from a person with a tremendous amout of pride,

Here is my tough-love opinion. You "could" be right but...I think you need to think seriously about this and also, I agree with Daniel, Go Visit and see for yourself. Sometimes the caretakers get defensive because they are doing all the work and the siblings who do nothing want to know and suggest everything, The ones who talk the most, do the least. Think long and hard. What is your brother like? YOU know what kind of a person he is deep inside, would he do anything wrong? If you report him, your ties with him are cut forever!!!!! The first thing you mention (as does my sibling), is MONEY, why? Your concern should be with your Moms care, not her money, that comes 2nd to her care yet you mention it first. Just as my sibling, she wants to make sure Mom's okay but to make sure that there is money left for HER in the end. If you report your brother and its not true what you are accusing, YOU will look like the bad person and it will only hurt you in the long run. So think, think long and hard and better yet, book a flight. Good luck.

This is true.... You do need proof before you start accusing. If he is doing this. He does need to be reported. Brother or not. To I think if she is okay. He should discuss this with you. My brother did the same thing to me. Said my dad was fine. When I got there. it was the heat of the summer... he had no AC, his house wasn't fit to live in. It was awful. They never went to check on him and he lived 100 ft away from them. I thought to myself would my brother do this. Yes he would... why? cause he is a mean man. No person deserves to live like this. Me and my brother dont talk much anymore because the way he treated my dad. If I would never gone there... I would never know that he was ill. If you are worried... You need to go check on her. You can also be held responsible. In the eyes of the law.

Please remember, if you do this, your relationship is over and there is no forgiving if you are wrong, Also, if this mess ever ends up and court and you falsely accused him, you look bad in the eyes of the court for making false accusations. You know your brother deep down, would he do anything to harm his own mother? If he is taking care of her, I doubt it, or he would put her in a nursing home and then take her money. Just thinking, from experience. Think..........................................

Would also like to add, If this were my mother and my brother, I could so hear him tell me that he would kick my a#% if he was stressed and angry. Do I think he would hurt me? No. Do I think he would ever hurt mt mom? Never.