I'm worried my brother isn't caring for my mother. When I ask how she is - he yells at me, even threatened to beat me up. I've tried calling her physicians but they won't talk to me. What are my options?

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I need help, my mother lives in NY State, I'm in Indy, she is in very poor health and recovering from surgery. She lives with my out of work youngest brother who is using her pention and SS to make his house payments and pay utilities. She is supposed to be getting therapy and moving around but she sits all day in a chair watching tv. The only bathroom is upstairs (a climb she cannot make unless she crawls up) so she limits herself to one or two trips a day. I'm worried about pressure sores and her not getting enough exercise. When I ask my brother how she is he yells at me to mind my own business and my last visit there he threatened to beat me up....I have tried to call her physician but they won't talk to me. What are my options?

Answers 1 to 10 of 26
You can call social services in the city where your mother lives and explain the situation and that you fear for her safety and well-being. In our state it is called the Cabinet for Health and Family Services. They will send someone to check out the situation to make sure that your mother is not being abused. Or you could call the local police department and they should be able to direct you to the correct department.
Listen to" altersheim", Make those calls to local agencies,you can start with alzheimers group, senior services, whatever,they can direct you.If you have ANY indication that she is being abused in any way,then by all means call the local Police Dept.Good luck and God Bless. D.
Rigtht on, Bookworm. Do not wait. Contact the local Social Services, Council on Aging or whatever resourses you have. Your mother's health and maybe her life is at stake.
Yes, call the local social services agency. They will help you. That's their job. They helped me when my dad became outrageous and I feared for my mom's safety. Now they check in on them on a regualr basis. Explain the situation and try to be very matter-of-fact. Does your mother have a phone? Can you speak with her directly? I don't understand why the doctors won't talk to you....Perhaps another trip is in order.
Good luck, Make those calls!!
-SS
Top Answer
I am going to play the devil's advocate here. Who has Power of Attorney? Have you ever had your mother in your home for more than a visit? Are you willing to have her come live with you permanently? Go ahead and have her checked upon by the authorities but be prepared to face the chance that your mother has to be moved to a nursing home or come to live with you. Your brother may be doing the best he can and in order for him to care for your mother, he has to use her money to pay the bills. I know that I cannot hold a job and also care for my mother and I have to use her money for food and electric bills and other items that my kids need. Give your brother a warning that you are sending the authorities.
Im gonna have to play devils advocate to. By all means if you feel she is being abused get it checked out. If you are more upset about him using her money for bills, try not to be critical of this, I am staying home now to take care of a realitive who has no money, the finacial hardship that we have due to the loss of one income is very hard, not to mention all it takes for the litle things they need everyday, he has to keep a home for her to live in. I wish she had something to help with, coming from a person with a tremendous amout of pride,
But even if the person has to 'live off' their parent for the time being, is that a reason to threaten her with 'beating her up'? There is something wrong with this picture. From an outsiders view, I'm wondering WHY he's so defensive unless he's doing something he shouldn't be doing. Anyway, all the other suggestions are spot on I would think.
Look up your local Council on Aging (phone book or internet). They can help. Good luck to you and I hope your mother gets the help she needs.
Neheaton, perhaps the sister is nagging and threatening him. We do not have his side of the story. Let the authorities check up on the mom and go from there. I can understand the brother being defensive...perhaps he is overwhelmed.
Call social services before it is too late. Saying this from experience. My brother did the same thing to my father. Kept telling me he was ok. Than when I got there and brought him home with me. We found out he was in terrible condition. We lost him. Call them dont wait.
mike quest

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