How do you get a wife to pay for her husbands needs when he is living with his son?


My father in law had to move in with us after we discovered he was being emotionally and physically abused by my husband step mother. My father in law is a retired air force and has va pension and another pension along with his ss check, the mother in law get a ss check at the minimum amount possible. That being said we have asked her for $400.00 dollars in 7 weeks for medication and food and she says that is to much and he will have to do without. They live off of more than my husband and two kids live off of, we have had to completely change our lives to commit to caring for him 24/7. He is a diabetic and has active prostate cancer, he went from 230 lbs to 129lbs in 7 months. We have had him in our home for 7 weeks and he now weighs 156 lbs. she refused him food and constantly threatened him with returning him to the nursing home, she would have fits where she would get so angry with him she would yell for hours and it would result in him being hit with her cane. They have been married 33 years and I am sure she is suffering from some form of mental illness but will not seek help. How do we get some of his money so that we can continue to take care of him and his needs? Any help would be great! Thanks so much!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.


My father is competent and has told Adult Protection services that she was hitting him. In a perfect world he would love to be in his home but he realizes it is not safe if she is there. They can't afford 24 hour care and he requires 24 hour assistance, she is unable to properly care for him due to her own issues. He signed a durable power of attorney and he understands she is not willing to pay for his medications and the other things he will need. We have set up a new bank account in his and my husbands name but intend on him signing checks to pay his bills, until he is unable to do so. We asked for $400.00 to cover the medications, food and clothes we have purchased for him over the 7 weeks he has been here. If he would go back home he will be dead within 3 mths because she will not feed him.. We just are trying to do he right thing for him at the end of his life and she has no gratitude for anything we are doing. I explained that a nursing home would run $5000.00 to $7000.00 a month and that doesn't include meds, she just says he can't go in a home but she can't provide the care he needs nor can afford the help. It's hard enough dealing with giving up our lives to do this and I also have a 3 year old and 16 year old. We are just lost in all this mess.....
Helpful Answer (0)

You need to see an attorney. You father is entitled to his pension and his SS, but he is also responsible for his house payment (should he have one). I would suggest that you contact an attorney who understands elder law.

Is your father competent? How does he feel about the treatment he has received from his wife? Does he want to go home? These are all important questions.

If this was a divorce, then assets would be divided, etc. If competent, he could set up a separate bank account and have his SS, pension, etc direct deposited into that account. But then his wife would probably be out on the street and she could go to an attorney and claim that you are abusing him and misleading him, etc. You don't want to go down that road.

Maybe your dad could take his smallest pension check and set up a separate account in his name and have that one income deposited. Use that money for his costs and to see an attorney.

Be sure that you don't do anything to make it look like you are taking advantage.

Hopefully, others will have suggestions too. Cattails.
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.