Why do I still feel so much guilt after taking care of my mom who moved in 5 years ago?

Listen to Crowe, he has got a lot of good advise.

Don't feel as though you aren't doing enough, you are doing what needs to be done. You are doing and no one else is. Don't question why others don't help, they won't so just do what YOU need to do.

We all feel guilt at one time or another, but we work hard at getting rid of those feelings. It's the things our parents have instilled in us, unintentionally yet on purpose. We are only human and struggle with is this right, is that right.........it is all right if we are doing it.

This journey is a long one, and a lonely one but if you can find a little help via an agency for even a couple of days to enjoy yourself with your husband and some "away" time, do it, you deserve it.

You are not alone, not by a long shot but you will have to find ways to fulfill you while taking care of loved ones. YOu may have to create your world inside of moms but you can.

My mom and I garden, well I actually do the gardening mom gives the orders. I've come to enjoy this time because it is ours and even though I've lost the mother I knew, I still have her in the garden and sometimes she gives me a look that tells me she loves me, and it's those times that I get a wonderful feeling inside. Even if she follows it up with ridicule.

Don't feel guilt, just feel you're doing what needs to be done.

We're with you.

Crowemagnum is right. Don't discount yourself and your needs. How old are you, if I may ask? Have you outright asked your siblings to take mom for a day or two and expressed your need for a break? They might think the situation is just fine because they don't hear you complaining. Have you checked into elder day care, a center your mom can go to for activities or just to be around others her own age? She could do this 2 - 3 times a week to give yourself another break.

Someone, somehow put a guilt button which somehow is getting pressed. On the surface, it sounds like a therapist would be the most help in discovering what is going on with your emotions. Is there some reason that the rest of the family has abandoned her to your care?

Possibly some are calling you a saint because of how sacrificial you are being. Driving 45 minutes several times a day sounds extreme. I worry if this sainthood phrase is not a more positive spin for martyrdom. To me it sounds like you are already burned out and are about to burn up like a Christian martyr at the stake about to get roasted. If you have done all of the caregiving you can realitically give in light of your own health and circumstances (which it sure sounds like) then it is ok to look for ways to change your situation because no one expects you to be a 'super daughter' who sacrifices herself on the altar of caring for her aging mother. That's unrealistic and discounting you too are a person of worth with needs for a life as well unless you don't think your own needs matter. Feeling like your own needs don't really or should not really matter but feeling burnout, depressed and isolated are all such a confused mixture which understandibly creates a sense of guilt. However, if this is the kind of guilt you have, it is false guilt over not being super human which none of us are.

How does your husband and you each feel about your marriage right now?