When will my older brother step up the plate and help me care for our 85-year-old father?

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If he is like my brother he won't - and asking doesn't help at all - none - all I get is "No, I have a life..." Tally up how much it would cost to hire someone to do what you are doing and send him a bill for his share. I am sorry if I sound like I am resentful. I am. But I'm trying to let it go... Just know that you aren't alone - and you are doing the right thing.
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BREEZE:

Perhaps he feels he doesn't have to. The only thing you can do is appeal to his sense of morality and ask him to help YOU instead of your father, but do it nicely. Nagging him won't get you anywhere, and will definitely widen the rift to the point he won't even bother to call. Even on Christmas.

Well, it's time to go to work. ... Hasta luego querida familia.

-- ED
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Tropical Breeze...gee all that help you had. Three sisters, two living nearby, go for 6 months without visiting nor calling. OH they help out a lot...NOT. nadda The other is a thief who ran back to Oregon and pretends she's perfect with her son's perfect family. SHOW ME THE MONEY you stole and forged...So of all relatives one niece is kind and helpful from a distance and another niece is extremely loving. You say you have a husband to help...and he still gets to go to work? Where you getting this lavish amount of help? Try no husband, no siblings at all to help...for 8.5 years and you don't get paid.

The county finally allowed a total of 24 hours respite care or day care program for mom...me time off to do errands and occasional shower and movie..But this has been sporadically in last year.
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There are three of us and my brothers seem concerned but say they can't help. One brother is in and out of the county doing the bidding of the corporate world and seems to forget his father help bring him into this world and would appreciate a little caring while the other brother just doesn't seem to see things need to be done. I'm told by other people that this happens in every family. One steps up and the others step back two steps. God forbid they lend a hand and have a little responsibility. How christian of them. Too busy with their lives but figure I can devote mine. Nothing like being left at the corner waiting for family who never comes by.
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llaurssa17, Forget the rest of them and be thankful that you were with your father in the end. You will never have to regret NOT being there, sorry about your dad.
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I am sorry your dad has passed away! He is your father and such an important part of you. But, perhaps it is also a blessing. And you can know that you did the right thing. Good for you! I hope you can have a rest now.
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Never!!! My siblings would rather stash him away in a nursing home. Don't expect any help and cherish some if it is offered.
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It's always one child that steps up to the plate to take care of the parent. I too make comments to my sister who says I live closer, and its easier etc.. she also says it makes her ill to see my mother or go to her apartment...caring for a parent, regardless of them being in a nursing home or having in home care just sucks the life out of you ...Take each day as it comes, cry a little if it makes you feel better and then pick yourself back up and keep doing what your doing...
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well an update on my brother who couldn't help with dad or come to any dr appointments for my mom - on Tues July 27th my dad passed away at home we had hospice in helping to take care of him After telling my brother on Monday - who was away for the weekend at his Lake house that dad was really bad and that it probably was only a matter of time - he finally left his lake house late Tuesday afternoon because he had to spend that day with his friend who had been there all weekend it is about a 5 hr drive he arrived at my house just as my dad died. I guess no one has a conscience anymore. And my sister didn't come down until Wednesday afternoon even though I told her on Monday how bad he was
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Tropicalbreeze,

You probably won't get your sibling to help out. You can ask and see if you get any response at all.

When my husband & I had my MIL living here with us, we used every available resource we had. My MIL has 5 kids, all grown and with grown children. My husband is child #4. Child #1 helped out on weekends (short period of time)--but she had grandkids to take care of as well. Child #2 helped out the most. Child #3 is the one who, when I asked, she always had an excuse for why she couldn't come over and help. When she did come over, it wasn't for long. I can count on one hand when my husband & I would be able to get out with her spending time with her mom. My husband would come home from work and help out or sometimes even before he went to work. So, sometimes his schedule was 1) help mom out before work, 2) go to work, and 3) help mom out after work. Child #5 came over and gave her weekly showers. Now that MIL is in NH, Child #3 is throwing it in my husband's face that she's coming and he's not. I don't want to go up there when we're told we have to. I don't have anymore contact with her, since she did that. My oldest sister would probably say, "You're cutting your nose off to spite your face."
...but at this point I really don't care.

I hope you have better luck in getting thru to your sibling than I did.
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