How do you know when to take your parent's driving privileges away?

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You are right. And Dad is becoming less and less pleasant to be around, and I am sure when driving comes up he will get worse. I know he doesn't have a diagnosis if Dementia, but he is changing...his personality is odd, very passive aggressive...does some snarky even rude things just to get attention. Getting ready for the storm!! Thanks for your help and feedback.
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Confused, I'm coming into this with my dad soon. Be tough. Do what ya gotta do.
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Windyridge,

Thank you! You are absolutely correct. It is hard because none of us want to take away their last means of independence. However, the price to pay is not worth the risk. You are right about him never willingly surrendering the keys. He will literally pass away before he lets them go. I was worried I was being too judgemental, possibly overreacting...but my son not only isn't allowed to drive with him, he is terrified to do so. Dad isn't strong enough to walk through the grocery store without using a cart as a walker. Key here is that he has to use the cart, he knows it...but will NEVER use a walker! He is a tricky one!! And yes, there is so much good advice in this thread. It helps me often, and mostly I use it as I am always second guessing myself because I am so close to the situation. I would not want to take away the keys if it wasn't truly necessary. It helps to have someone who doesn't know him provide feedback based on facts, not emotion. Thanks again!!!
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Confused

This is an old thread but the issue is always with us.

There,are tons of posts and info about how to stop the driving on this site. Start reading. Right now. Your dad needs to get off the road.

With few exceptions it's alway nuclear war about driving. Get dads doc, minister, a cop, someone he might listen too to intervene.

No luck with that? Take the keys, disable the car, do what has to be done.

It doesn't sound like your dad will ever agree to give up driving voluntarily. This is about the hardest thing we have to do with parents. My dad is very close. I'm dreading it but I'll do it. No way I'll let him kill someone on the roads.

If you're worried about your son riding with him, it's time.
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My Dad is 86, 87 in Feb. and he still drives. Some days he is ok, some days it is a white knuckle situation for me. Recently he pulled out of wal-mart, had to calculate an almost horizontal crossing to Arby's. He made it across the street, but rammed the car up and over the curbing and just acted as if it was no big deal..said "well the undercarriage of the car can take it!". He will pass on 2 lane roads in the country, some days he speeds, other days he drives below the limit, and as I said before, some days are ok. He is incapable of drinking a soda and driving at the same time, and if he see's something that catches his eyes off the road, his hands turn the wheel in the direction he is looking. Veering out of lane is a regular occurrence. However, he insists on driving. I had to pick my son up at Detroit Metro today (2hour drive). He wouldn't "allow" me to drive. He insists and inserts himself into situations that put me between a rock and a hard place. He did ok on the way there, but couldn't navigate the parking garage. On the way home he took a 2 lane road, and used cruise in fairly heavy traffic. I had to redirect the entire time, when I said I would drive, he ignored me. We live in a small town, and I have been with him on a couple occasions where he has missed stop signs on back roads. BUT I am terrified to bring it all up to him. When I am with him I have to call out people slowing in front of him, monitor his speed...heaven knows what is happening when I am not with him. He is extremely stubborn and believes he can still drive across country to Texas if he chooses to do so. His Doc is about the same age as my Dad (small town), and I am even a bit hesitant to bring it up to him. Dad drinks a couple beers every night, and will drive his friends to dinner after consuming alcohol. I am always afraid that when the phone rings I will be notified of an accident. I won't let my son drive with him anymore, but when I travel on business I find out that he is taking him her or there, and I am trying to find the right way to approach all of this. (We live with him-I am his caregiver). I am thinking about asking him to do the aarp drivers course, but again, he does not see or will not admit there is an issue. If I press anything with him he becomes nasty, makes snyde comments, and reverts to behaving like a child who has been scolded. He has no diagnosis of dementia, macular degeneration, nothing that screams "no driving" but he is slowing cognitively and his strength is not the same as it was even a year ago. I don't think he processes all of the stimuli properly when he is driving. I have empowered my son to say "no thank you" if Dad offers to take him out when I am out of town for work, but I just spent the day in the car with him and it has me worried. It would kill my Dad if he ever hurt anyone in an accident he caused, and it would kill me if he hurts himself or anyone else. I don't think he will ever simply stop driving, it will be a situation where he has to be convinced. Sort of like he won't stop until something bad happens. Feedback please?
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I also had to insist that my 94 year old father give up driving. It had gotten to the point that I was afraid to ride with him. I also informed him that driving under the influence of strong pain meds (dilaudid) was a huge liability, not to mention dangerous for him and other drivers on the road. He was angry for a long time, but knew deep down that it was the right thing to do. He gave up his keys willingly. Now he is so disabled from pain meds that he can barely ride in the car, much less drive. It amazes me how quickly a person can deteriorate.
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My dad's neurologist office offered to do special testing that measured reflexes and peripherial vision, etc, After the test they could recommend whether he was appropriate to be on the road. Although we never had the testing done, a benefit of this testing is that if your loved one passes, then is in a car accident, the test is on record and will help with any potential lawsuits which might come up as a result.

We finally played on my dad's empathetic nature, and told him we just thought it would be awful if he got in an accident and caused anyone else to suffer or die. We expressed our sincere belief that he would feel so guilty knowing that perhaps the time had come for him to stop driving and didn't.

Good luck with this tough issue.
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PLEASE DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO. I had to insist that my father stop driving (Parkinsons) when I rode with him and he jumped thru oncoming traffic without adequate time to pass thru (could no longer gauge ample spacing). FYI: MY then 38 y.o spouse was permanently disabled, our retirement money now ALL gone, and we are about to loose our home if we cant sell in the next 4-6 months, and I am left to pay 90K in school loans for a spouse who now cannot work, all because a elderly woman's family members (her son was a police officer by the way) chose to allow an 83 year old demented mother to drive. She ran a red at 60 mph, and kept going well after she plowed thru. Don't ruin another families' life to spare grannies feelings.
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My dad couldn't walk anymore,but he could slide under the wheel.He said how bad it made him feel to not be able to walk,"but when I get in that TOWN CAR,I am in control,I can drive 70 MPH. Be sides being in his 80's,he was also blind on one side.After asking him about different dings in the side of the car,I started washing the car for him and driving him whereever he needed to go.I did all of his errands;Idrove his dog and him around. I hung on to the keys,so I could have piece of mind.Parents like it when the kids seem to give a flip.I think anyone would rather have family around than strangers to care for them.Its ashamed all siblings aren't created equal I drove my dad around for years,he had a perfect driving record,he taught me how to drive at around 6,he said I was the best driver in the family. He didn't seem to miss driving as long as I was there for him,with him.I did this for years without any problem until my brother told my dad that I should give back the car keys that I had stole them. Then thinks to my brother it became a issue. Because it became a issue my dad wanted me to get the car in my name,since I'm the one doing all of the driven and errands;I did. Even though my siblings wasn't apart of our life their jelousy sure was. Never could understand how someone who never is around could feel that way.It is hard enough to be in pain every day,most of you friends and family dead. Parents may act like children sometime but they deserve the same respect as always.I don't feel that way if the parent is a lousy parent. My dad was our hero.Even from the bed I Emphasized what he could do and not what he couldn'T. He knew his driving had gone down hill, I TURNED IT INTO A FATHER=DAUGHTER BONDING EXPERIENCE. He enjoyed the company more than the driving,never even mention it until my DA brother acused me of taking advantage. Sometimes I think my brother wanted something to happen to my dad and he resented me always rescuing him.
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my dad still thinks he should be able to drive. I would sooner set fire to the car than let him.
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