Mamoogins Asked January 2013

What do I do with my mother if my father is placed in a nursing home?

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My father allowed my mother to live in his home after her husband died and her house burned to the ground. My mother has lived with me many times over the years. We have learned we CANNOT live together. She has to smoke outside and has almost burnt my homes down twice.
My father is worsening by the day. He did not save much and all he has is his house and his little bit of savings. This would all be gone quickly if he is placed in a nursing home.
The doctors are telling me that "I" need to place him there for my own good. I agree with them. He didn't need me for 50 years, but now I'm doing my best to take care of him when he asked for help.
If I do this, then my mother will require a place to live when he passes. She has never cared for me and rejects everything I say and try to do for her, even though I've taken her in so many times that I can no longer count them.
What options would I have for her once my father passes? What would she qualify for? She has 2 mental disorders and has nothing to her own name. I really need some guidance. I'm in the state of GA

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Mamoogins Jan 2013
This day has been entirely tooooo long! I meant to ask, "What do I do about my "mother" if my "father" goes into a nursing home?????
Perhaps I should have asked this question under dysfunctional families.........
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Mamoogins Jan 2013
Thank you JeanneGibbs. My father's house was placed in my name this past fall, so that may indeed cause problems on it's on. It was anticipated that he would not live "this" long, so I am the one that will paying taxes as of next year. He has the right to live in the home, etc., until his death at which time, it is gifted to me.
My mother's overall health is good. Yes, she probably could get subsidized housing, but this is like a fight to the death! She doesn't want to move, has nested in my father's home and doesn't want her money going towards a nicer place to live, because she won't be able to spend as much money on her scratch off tickets and send $$ to her son. Sad sorry, too much to share at this time. She doesn't currently qualify for nursing home services nor does she require it.
My safest bet at this point might be to speak with social services for my father and go from there.
Thanks for answering, even though I didn't ask the question properly.
Sometimes my mind gets ahead of my fingers ;)
Suzanne
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jeannegibbs Jan 2013
Really? The post sounds like your father may go to a nursing home and you need to know what to do with your mother. No?
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jeannegibbs Jan 2013
1. If it is what is best for your father, and for you, place your father in a decent nursing home. Visit him often. Be his advocate. Continue to care for him, but let the professionals do the hands-on day-to-day stuff.
2. He can keep his house, but someone else would have to pay taxes, insurance, and upkeep. Could your mother do that while she lives there? If not, she would need an alternative when her ex-husband is placed, not when he dies.
3. What is your mother's health like? Could she live in subsidized housing, on her own? Would she need assisted living? Does she have medical problems that would qualify her for a nursing home?

Getting your father into a nursing home should be pretty straight-forward. Visit the local options. Make sure the ones you are considering accept Medicaid and would accept him "Medicaid pending," and help with the application process. (Just be sure not to sign anything that would make you responsible if something goes wrong with the application.)

I think a likely place to start with helping your mother find new housing would be to call Social Services in the county where she is living.

Good luck!
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