When does it become too dangerous?

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This Christmas my 89 year old father grabbed me by the collar and threatened to bash me in the face when I was fixing his bib out at a restaurant. Another day he grabbed my brother the same way and my step Mom says he does it to her sometimes twice a day, we are the people closest to Dad. Then he was very inappropriate sexually to me for the first time in my life. It's a shock but now I see Dad has no boundaries, I wonder is it too dangerous for my 5'2" step
Mom who still sleeps in the same bed w/ him for 40 years.
I saw him have a real break from reality. Suggestions, opinions?

Answers 1 to 10 of 12
Has anyone told his doctor about this behavior? Let the Dr. make the decision to put him in a nursing home if the family is unable/unwilling to. I would develop an eye twitch with the uncertainty and stress of not knowing when he's gonna hurt someone. Also make sure he doesn't have a UTI that's adding to this behavior.
Top Answer
Sounds as if there needs to be some kind of intervention. Could be that meds could help, but I'd be scared to risk it until you knew the meds were working. You've got to respect the disease. Your father isn't choosing this behavior and he cannot stop the behavior on his own. What if he throws your stepmom down on the ground or something even worse? But it could well be controlled, so please talk to his doc. Good luck. Sorry you're having to deal with this.
I have heard of many instances, with Alzheimers, where their personality takes a turn for the worst at any given time. For the safety of your stepmom and the rest of the family I would recommend you discuss with his doctor and the family about placing him in a more controlled environment within an Alzheimers-qualifed home. The nurses and staff in a reputable home are very educated on the disease and ways to provide the best care for someone living with this disease.
my grandfather had alzheimers. He has been deceased for many years, but I can remember how aggressive he was, he actually would hit my grandmother( she never admited it but the bruises was enough evidence). Before, Gram place my Grandpa in a home he had even pulled a loaded gun on my uncle. The shells was removed from all guns and the house but he obviously had some stashed. THIS IS VERY SERIOUS! Do not take for granted that your family is at risk. Placement is hard, I remember my grandmother saying that was the hardest decision she had ever had to make, but she was scared! my mother now suffers from dementia(her father is the one I am talking of) and she has shown signs of anger at times but is so sweet. This disease affects everyone different as I have seen first hand in my family. Good luck! I hope you find resources that best suits you and your family.
I think that this is serious. If it is happening consistantly I would strongly encourage you to get him evaluated. It may be that he will have to be placed and observed for a few days to determine what is happening. He may need some medications for anxiety.
My father with Alzheimer's began to have angry outbursts that seemed like they might escalate into violence. He is now on a very low dosage of an anti-psychotic as well as zoloft and his behavior ranges from sweet to mildly anxious and paranoid but never scarily angry anymore. (He was already on Arocept and Namenda.) He's also more of his old self in terms of his social skills and humor. We did though place him in assisted living with dementia care and he is doing pretty well there. The safety of the environment calms him. We also visit him quite often and take him out on weekend days so he can be with family. Good luck to you. Until you get the right medications, it can be very scary.
Meds, meds, meds...does the doctor know of this...please see if you can get meds. Sometimes it takes some episode before they finally give the darn meds...where they end up in the psych ward with 72 hours surveilance and finally prescribed psych meds, hopefully you don't have to wait for that. Once the meds are established....you will see a change.
There are two times when you can make a determination as to whether someone is too dangerous to be around. 1)before they hurt or kill someone, or 2)after they hurt or kill someone. If it was my dad acting out on my mom(or my sister), I'd put some separation between them and add a serviceable protector. The situation you describe seems like a disaster in the making. It's tough, but not as tough as visiting your step-mom in the hospital or the morgue. The decision will be easier then, for the good that does. Do your stepmom a favor and act now to protect her. Good Luck. God Bless You.
Dear Magi, It is too dangerous now.I'm always amazed at how little old men can look so frail and still be so physically strong. My suggestion would be to get some help in the house to protect them Both , preferably a male .Then I would set up an appt w/ MD or RN to reassess Dad's status,he could have had a stroke,or the disease may be progressing ,etc,and also his medications would need to be reevaluated.I would also try to discern if there are any precipitants that might have caused this change in behavior or if there are any particular triggers or patterns to these episodes.I know how devastating it is to see your parent out of touch and and to be the target of their inappropriate behaviors. Please remember it's the illness not your Father doing these things. You sound like you Love them very much.They must have been Good People to have raised such a kind and caring daughter. But now safety has become an issue for all of you,and you need to ensure your safety.I have also found that when the "healthy" spouse is alive,they tend to cover a multitude of sins for the affected spouse,and Mom may not even be giving you the whole picture. So please, try to get a handle on what's going on with your Dad first and then you'll have a better idea as to what decisions have to be made.Good Luck and God Bless. D.
Dear Magi21

Please listen to the advice given above, it is all good advice. My prayers are with you.

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