Is it verbal abuse to say 'that's not nice' to a person with dementia?

It doesn't seem abusive to me if said with a normal voice. I don't know if it would register with your resident, though. You may want to feed him outside the spitting range of the other residents if he continues. At this stage it would probably be best to go for maintenance and not for correcting his behavior. It is the disease, most likely, and not your resident himself, so kind communication is a good way to go.

People with dementia are not like young children, in that children can and will learn new behaviors. It is our job to teach them and coach them. With dementia, people lose their ability to learn. They are not being stubborn. They are being handicapped. Sometimes new habits can be instilled by long and consistent repetition. So if you are with your father every time he is in the bathroom and remind him to wipe the seat, eventually he may remember to do it himself. (Or maybe not.) If he was used to doing it before the dementia began it will be easier to re-establish that behavior. If what you expect is a new behavior, that is going to be a much bigger challenge. Something that the person with dementia has been doing a very long time, and especially something he enjoys, will stick with him for a long time. It does not surprise me that your father can keep his beloved cars clean. Eventually he may lose that, too. Let him enjoy it while he can! You take pride in it too! My mother can't remember to take her pills. She can't remember who visited her yesterday. But she can remember how to play cribbage well enough to beat me all to heck. Memory is selective.

Unlike children, people with dementia are going to lose what they know how to do, not gain more skills through teaching and correction. If there are some behaviors that are important to you, you might try working on establishing habits. But I'd limit that to one or two things at a time. A person who is losing his abilities and skills is probably frightened and sad about it. Repeatedly being told what he is doing wrong adds to the disturbing feelings without really accomplishing anything.

This would be a good time to start reading up on dementia, so you know what to expect.

I'd say, ask them to stop. if they don't just pick up the food and walk away. That way they get the point and it doesn't disturb or upset anyone else. I feel for ya you should be commended for the line of work you have chosen.

Abuse?! Good grief. Let's not lump this with belittling someone or hitting them. Come on, really, if everything remotely unpleasant is going to be labeled "abuse" that word will soon lose its meaning. Maybe we are already there.

Spitting food out at the table isn't nice. Whether pointing that out is going to be meaningful to a dementia patient depends on a lot of factors. So it may or may not be effective, but it certainly isn't abuse.

That is not abuse, you are simply telling him that what he is doing is not nice, and it isn't. Sometimes they just need to be reminded that certain behaiviors wont be rewarded. If he was hungry he'd eat it, not spit it out. Maybe he is not really hungry? Good luck. :)

With a person wuith dementia, there may be another reason why he is spitting out food, as the communication skills are limited and there is no way to tell you why. It could be simply that he is not hungry, does not like what he is being fed, or perhaps something physical that has not been determined.Be creative, look for patterns when the behavior occurs and have others do so as well...not sure if what you did is verbal abuse, however, it may not be effective to combat the issue......

all in the tone of voice. spoken normally, softly. it's not. speak it sharply, loudly, or both and you have crossed the line.

the chance that your patient understood you though, is small. someone who is spitting food across the table at other people is not going to understand why you have a problem with it.

the most i would ask them is to "please stop", or i would just say, "no". smaller shorter commands that they will likely remember.

I remember my mother having problems with swallowing. Not long after that she had a stroke and wouldn't eat and couldn't speak.

Hi Jeannegibbs,
Thanks for your input. As you know it takes a lot of patience in dealing with
this situation. The more educated we are about it, the better we will be able to handle it. When there are other problems going on, I think we just get
tired and frustrated in trying to cope. Some days are easier then others. Thanks again.

The strange thing about dementia is that there are fluctuations. Confusion is often more visible when they are tired or out of their regular routine. If you look up a "mini mental exam", it's easy to ask most of the questions in a conversational way so it doesn't seem like a test. Questions like what is the season, what is the day, what is the date (day month year), who is the president, where are you now... It gives a rough idea where someone is cognitively. Dementia can be vascular, Alzheimer's... Confusion and forgetfulness can be related also to depression or urinary tract infections. The fact that she's having delusions is significant.