What do we do with a sibling that disagrees with group decisions?

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My older sister and I are joint POA for my mom, 86, who has the start of memory loss. We have one younger brother and one younger sister. We received an email from our younger sister in September saying that our mom is moving from Hawaii to move in with her in California.

After two conference calls between siblings, 3 of us agreed that Mom should stay in Hawaii because she is happy in her retirement facilities, with increasing care available to her if need be. Upon much pressure from my younger sister, my mom in October started to consider moving in with our sister, a cancer survivor, who had not done a mammogram in 9 years, and with two young sons and a husband. She is not a caregiver and does not have ADA access.

My mom's doctor suggested she resign from the Trust and let me handle that. She met with the attorney in October and resigned from the Trust with her understanding that I would manage the Trust. In speaking with Mom, she says she is happy with the way I am handling her affairs.

I flew to Hawaii in late October to meet with my mom to really understand what she wanted. She clearly stated that Hawaii is home (born and raised there) and she was very happy at the retirement home where she chose to move in February 2012 with our support.

My brother wrote an email in early November to verify that in his speaking with Mom, she wanted to remain in Hawaii although she could travel if she chose to.

Without notice, our younger sister arrived on Dec. 10 and took my mom back to California with her and with only one week of medicines.

Is there no recourse for a rogue sibling who does what she wants to without any consideration for anyone else? She consistently asks for money (lots of it) and insists I am withholding money from our mom. She is not on any of my mom's accounts, yet she took my mom to the bank to try to withdraw funds after I told her all funds were allocated for upcoming bills.

As Trustee, I believe I am fulfilling my fiduciary responsibility to protect my mom's assets from my sister.

My mom is timid and agrees with those who last speak with her. So, the doctor declares that Mom is capable of making her own decisions even if she changes her mind. However, she does not want to hurt anyone's feelings, and does not speak out. She is not assertive.

The rest of us cannot reach my mom at my sister's house because my sister insists on taping all conversations or staying on the phone so we can't have a private conversation with our mom. She only buys a one way airfare without a date in mind for returning Mom home.

We question our sister's motive in not keeping Mom's health as the priority and the insistent request for money. My sister's lifestyle is eating out every day, movies, and shopping. My mom has not asked for money from me.

Any suggestions on how to keep my younger sister in alignment with our decisions?

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My concern is that your Mom had only a week's supply of her medications. Has your Mom been to a doctor in CA yet to get her meds replished?

I would question your sister's motives and if she needs some kind of evaluation. Obviously, your Mom's wellbeing is not a high priority for her. Contacting the local Senior Protection Services for a wellness check might be a good idea. Any of the siblings/cousins, etc live nearby for a drop in visit?

As far as needing money (until this is resolved) I would ask for a list of what Mom needs; order them and have delivered to sister's house.

Good lcuk!
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Yes, the POA is effective immediately. I checked with the attorney. I had been handling her finances, pay estimated payments, file her taxes, settle disputes, etc. BUT it does not indicate any restrictions on mom's spending or that I can direct where she lives (I checked this with attorney).

I share the Advanced Healthcare Directive with older sister in Hawaii. I understand that if mom is declared incapacitated then can we direct care facilities.
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Some POAs go into effect the day they are signed. I would read through it and see if that is the case. Then you have a legal leg to stand on even with your mother not declared incompetent to handle her business in a business like manner. Your mother should not move in with your sister. BTW, do you have medical POA as well?
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Yes, the bulk of funds were moved to a Trust account under my mom's name; only I have signatory rights. The successor is my brother if something happens to me. My mom set up the Trust that way.

I hear this happens a lot, but I have not found any legal recourse, since the POA handles the financial aspects. My mom is still competent so there is no legal element to fall back on that we are aware of.

According to last email, younger sister retained an attorney.
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Wow - tough one , thetinylady. Your sister sounds like a pain the you know what! It seems to me your Mom should be on Hawaii as that is where she said she feels at home and it sounds like all her needs, mentally and physically , are met. I,too, would be suspicious of your sister's motives in this. I don't know all the legality but it sounds like you have the power to keep your sister away from the money, no? Can you get your Mom's money moved from her account into a new one that your Mom cannot even get to to give your sister money. Do you have that power? If the money incentive is gone I bet your sister would be more than happy to return Mom back to her rightful place.
Good luck with this. I hope someone else can give you some good advice!!!
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