My mother is receiving hospice care. I can't stop crying as I watch her go through this. What should I do?

debbie: I go through this all the time. I try not to be on the verge of tears in my Mom's presence. So, I shift into practical "caregiver" mode and do what she needs at the moment.
No one on God's green Earth could have prepared me for this time in life.
So do give yourself time to vent and cry...it is normal. Sounds like the hospice folks are helping...so take a little break when you can.
I am convinced that the greatest gift you can give someone is to help them pass to the next life.
Peace to you and your mother,
Lilli

I'd say you were grieving the loss of your mother, even though she's still here. Cut yourself some slack and cry if you want to. No one expects a person who is watching someone they love die, to have a 'stiff upper lip', you're allowed. I'm sorry about your mom.

Supersensitive, it is very very painful watching your loved one die. I know from personal experience with my own mother , caring for her at home. My mother did not want to be anywhere but home. My doctor helped guide me to hospice. Hospice provided palliative care that was markedly better than hospital care. One can choose home, a nursing home facility, or in some instances, an actual hospice facility. I chose home until the last two days when my mother needed round the clock help. I was more concerned about my mother's comfort as she slowly went through the dying process. No on knows how long the dying process takes even physicians or nurses don't know this. I was also concerned about eliminating my mother's pain and making her comfortable. Hospice did this very well. When she needed more pain medicine, the hospice doctor immediately prescribed it. The whole dying process seemed to take a long time. I was exhausted caring for her and getting up twice a night to turn her. It took me a long time to get over feeling like a depressed zombie with dark circles under my eyes after she died. Yes, you are torn between wishing it would be over and not wanting it to happen. We all go through this and it is a terrible feeling. I took St John' Wort whenever I was too depressed and ate nibbles of dark chocolate to try to have an up day . I must say it was a long nightmare but it does come to an end and after 2 months and a half, I feel almost normal. You will come through this . Be strong. I will pray that God will give you strength and be with you through this trying time.

Wishing you strength, Nikki. Hugs.

Debbie, bless your tender heart! I just had to put my Mom in a nursing home a week ago due to constant falls and alzheimers. I've been crying ever since I moved her and struggle to hide those tears from her on my visits. I can't even completely imagine the grief you are going thru, but I think all of us that have aging parents empathize with you and can understand how difficult this must be for you to go thru. Just know that you are a good daughter and are giving her the care she needs right now. I find myself talking to myself (usually not out loud) alot lately - letting myself know that I'm doing all I can with these particular set of circumstances and assuring myself that somehow, I'll get thru. You will too! We're usually stronger than we think. Crying frequently doesn't mean you're not. It means you are a compassionate human being. I'm praying for you and your Mom...

Debbie I am sure that you are going through a lot more than just tears. It is a very stressful time that no one can understand unless they have been there. It is hard to see your loved one dying day in and day out. I had hospice come to the house to care for my mother. I tried to be cheerful and happy when in the room with my mother and sometimes barely make it into the hall before tears would fall. Tears wash away your body;s stress. My doctor told me that the tears were good. I needed to get rid of all the stress or more problems would develop. So cry all you want when you are away from your mom. You will feel exhausted but you will then be able to sleep. Hospice is such a God send to take away the pain and have gentle loving care available. May you go through this sad time of life with knowledge that there are so many of us out here thinking of you. Do whatever you need to do to help you get through this.

Oh, Nikki, I am so moved by your post. I am also an only child and I am very close to my mother. She is 84 and recovering from stroke. She is in pretty good shape considering, but still it is heartbreaking to see her lose so much vitality and independence. I am terrified of being where you are, which will, of course, happen. My thoughts are with you.

Believe in GOD with GOD anything is possible. He can and will heal if you and you mom will fully believe and get prayers and spiritual help from others. It worked for my husband and I with my Mother-in-Law. She was dieing in mid January 2010. The doctors said her stomach and bowels would never work again. Well they are working again and GOD gets all the glory for that then satan attacked her again with a staph infection put her into ICUon on friday feb.5, 2010. She was non responsive and the doctor was very close to putting her on a ventilator. We went to visit her friday night the nurse told my sister-in-law and I she would not live 24 to 48 hours and would not come out of ICU alive. My sister-in-law and I said to her you don't know her she is strong and has a belief in God and healing. We will pray for her to be healed and she will come out of ICU alive and well. We talked to her that night and she tryed so hard to comunicate with us and she told us how much she hurt and she has the best tolerence for pain I have ever seen. She never complains. Well the next day she was alert watching TV and saing hi to he son and granddaughter. the next day (sunday) she was sitting up in a chair calling her son. On monday she was sent to a regular room an she also walked 150 feet that day, another miracle from GOD. The doctor said the staph was gone the day after they found it in her blood which was why she was non responsive and almost put on the venilator that he has no explaination for why it was there and now its gone. On thursday she was released. She is doing better everyday. Thanks to GOD and the miracle healing he gave her. So I say be strong and get good spiritual guidance to help you pray and your mom to pray for healing and pray for the doctors and nurses and anyone who has contact with your moms health care. I also am my mother-in-laws caregiver 24/7 and it is getting better but we have a strong belief in GOD and his healing. He may use doctors and nurses in his healing process so pray for them to help her and others they touch. My husband contacted alot of different preachers that believe in healing and had alot of people praying for her and the whole hospital. The doctors, nurses, patients, cooks, janitors, etc.(everyone). I will send prayers out for your mom to be healed. And for you. Remember Prayers can be very powerful. GOD will do things his own way. He wants to heal us.

I cannot stand being in the hospital just sitting in the room watching my mother waste away and die. It is so incredibly painful I cannot bear anymore. What is the purpose of subjecting families to this gut wrenching horrendous event? My mother did not want to die in this way. When I agree to Palliative care I had no idea it was going to be so long and so terrible. I thought my mother would go quickly. I feel so badly seeing her in a bed slowly dying. I cannot take it anymore.

It is never easy watching your love one suffer, but what has help me is to remember that there last moment is depenentt on your comfort and love and your inner strenght to keep them going, and there reason is not for them to keep on going but for the love ones they know they would leave behind.... so if they see you strong then they know they will be ok..... even if all things seem bad at that moment