My mom is in the hospital, should I go and visit her if I have no physical and emotional energy to cope with the pain of dealing with her?

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I hope this wont be too long....when I was 13 I was diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma. My leg was amputated. I had three lung surgeries after that...and 20 yrs later had breast cancer. I am still hanging on...but my cancer destroyed my family. I always heard "life was good till your amputation" This was back in 1967 where there was no Ronald McDonald house, race for the cure, nothing to help us. We all just muddled the best we could. My mom has been a bitter angry woman ever since...My dad died 16 yrs ago and after that, my mom just got even nastier...My brother will not put up with her crap. My mom has said some really horrible things to both of us...and yet, I continued to take her grocery shopping, out to eat....until this last time. She was so mean to me, I returned her apt key to her, as I could not continue to feel the pain.

Two days ago, my brother called my son to let him know my mom is in the hospital. The reason he called my son is because my brother and I have not spoken to each other in two years. Apparently, she laid in her own mess for three days...

Of course I am worried about her, but I am also upset that my brother used my son to relay a message to me...

I sent my brother an email to ask him to send me an email rather than go thru my son, he wrote me back telling me to go to hell.

I do not think I have the emotional ability to deal with my mom right now...and I certainly do not want to visit her and risk running into my brother. I have battled depression for 30 yrs, have issues of my own and I dont know what to do.....

I feel that I should go see her, what if she dies in the hospital, but I also have no energy to cope with the pain of dealing with her....

Any advice?

Answers 1 to 4 of 4
You have the right to do what is best for you. There does come a time when the only one who can put a stop to the abuse is us. My father was one miserable man, and even tho I was his caregiver, I, under no circumstances had to put up with his abuse. I, also, was the child that caught the splash over from my crazy family. There finally came the day when I realized as a child I had no control over the abuse. As an adult, I could most certainly stop putting myself in the position to be hurt.
Our cicumstances are different, but the feelings are the same. I pray you take care of yourself and not give in to the pressure. Let us know how things are with you. God Bless.
This is your life, take care of you, They made their decisions and opinions loud and clear you are entitled to the same courtesy. It is time to put you first and do not feel guilty, God gave you this life use it to the best of your ability. No one will judge you for taking care of you If they do let them lay out all their perfections for someone to see. Good luck and God speed neon
Lindam and Neowocky, thank you for responding to my call of needing help. My husband went to visit my mom in the hospital and they say she was discharged dec 23 and now I have no idea where she is. Apparently my brother, mr hero, has taken control of the situation.

My resolution for 2009 is to try and let some of this guilt go...

Thank you again for responding to me.
I will be supporting your resolution!!! If your brother has stepped in, look at it as a blessing. Take care of yourself and let us know how things are with you. God Bless

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