My husband has vascular dementia and is very aggressive. I'm afraid of him and have been unable to get any help from Social Services. How should I handle this?

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I have had him to the ER once hoping tha they would put him in a geriatic pscyhiatric unit...but no place in the State of VA would take him because demential cannot be cured?

So the bottom line is that I am afraid of him. He is very healthy and can turn off his aggression when other people are around.

I have tried home health care, but he runs them off. I have tried to find a home, but cannot afford it and all of the demential care units have a waiting list of up to one year; I have applied for Medicaid....he was approved by the social worker for both home health and nuring home care. But I have not yet been approved for financial assistance.
I really wanted to try and keep him at home but I do not think I can continue to do this He is constantly in my face, threatening me, thinks I am seeing other "men" doesn't believe I go to work every day....on and on and on it goes....

Do I have options??? I am tired and scarced...

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Have you applied for Medicaid for him? Not sure what you mean about property taxes. I think he needs to be seen by a different doctor.

Call 911 next time anything happens and do not accept discharge. Do you have POA or guardianship? . There's a big difference. Call doctor tomorrow. Call APS as well
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I believe Medicare will cover a week of respite care in a NH, if so it would give you a bit of a break. He definitely needs stronger meds, I couldn't do what I do and be afraid, the meds do the calming and have finally allowed me to sleep at night as he's out like a light from 9pm to 9am. I was just reading somewhere about the ERs not taking the Azheimer patients and it was suggested taking him to ER and telling them he is having bad chest pains, then they will admit him. Take care of yourself.
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I find it tempting (nursing home) but then I'd have to pass on the property taxes. A month could help! I tried moving furniture away from one room but he is drawn to.... oops, just heard the garage door open, he must be done with the kitchen. I do have to go round him up. Thanks everyone! I will cry out for help again tomorrow. J
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Just saw your second. I have chronic fatigue and will sometimes shut myself in a room until he settles down... then I go clean up. If he crashes, I do rush out to pick up the pieces. He walked into the edge of a door the other day and pulled it away from the wall. Did some damage to his ear that I treated myself, the emergency DR actually told me I was too anxious a care giver when he put some unknown drops into his eye (probably for ears?) I have my mom in a nursing home but we are too low on funds to get him in.... for more than 3 months.
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When the resources are unhelpful like this, I start a paper trail. I get a notebook (whatever you have around the house) and I write down first and last names, department names, phone numbers and quote them on what you were told. Tell them you are doing that so that when the S hits the fan, you will have a clear record of your attempt to get help. It's amazing how keeping careful book on state workers can perk them up to actually being helpful. And this documentation should include what your doctor/staff/therapist tells you. Tell them you are documenting. Have a friend, if you have any left, photograph your documentation, or photocopy it and keep it at their house. If your husb finds the booklet and throws it away, just start anew. Get any guns out of the house. Sleep in your own room. Have a deadbolt put on the door. Don't doze elsewhere in the house. Tell the kids/inlaws you are going on vacation for a few days and he's all theirs. Hope some of these ideas help.
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He's 73 and has been ill with one emergency after another for the last 6 years... even had constricted colon two years in a row. I was of the opinion all that anesthesia caused the dementia, but it may also have obscured it. I kept begging them not to send him home with me but let there be nursing home observation for a time. Dr. recently signed off on dementia, I have all powers though it also gives me responsibility too. I've been scrambling to get all in order, but he deteriorates faster than I can cope. PS he's rearranging the kitchen. I only removed knives 2 days ago. Good thing he's on that sugar and ice-cream diet....
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If the drugs his doctor precise aren't working and social services isn't working, call the doctor back in the AM. Is it time for Hospice (ask the doctor that) tell the doctor that you fear for your safety and his.

What resources do you have? Is he a candidate for memory care or NH?

And how about you; you sound defeated and depressed. Have you been to YOUR lately? (((Hugs))))) and sorry for so many questions!
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Who diagnosed his dementia? How long since he has seen that doctor or any other? Is this a recent change in mental status? Do you have POA or does someone else? Is he suddenly lucid when questioned by police, doctors, APS?

If I had one doc I would get him to, it would be a geriatric psychiatrist, who might be able to medicate some of his symptoms. However, if this can't be done, I'd get him on the waiting list for as many memory care units as you can. If he needs to be hospitalized, you DON'T take him home.
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Thanks, I may call again.. they sent me to a social worker who is head of her department and only works 10 hours a week. Emergency doesn't want to see him even if it turns out to be a UTI... Dr. took him off life sustaining drugs like high blood pressure meds. and they gave up trying meds for the dementia. I have an oxy a day (If I dared leave him long enough to do the sign-for) and some sleep med that does not slow him down in the least.. I'm thinking of 911 'cause I am too tired to contemplate dragging him to a nursing home without ID and then running. He won't recall his name or mine so Id have a free hour or two before they track me down. Perhaps there's a sisters of mercy that will take him no questions asked? LOL It's been fun venting. JL
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since the original post is over 4 years old.. i'm gonna go with JL here. Call his Dr and tell him what is going on! There are things that can help with the agression. I am ALL about better living through pharmaceuticals! They would not want to be so out of control if they understood it, and we should not have to be afraid of them while taking care of them. It;s a catch 22, but you have rights and health needs also, and if you want to keep them home.. get help!
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