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I'm a single Mom and my Mom with Alzheimers has moved in with me. I received a military retirment check and VA Disability. I was running my own business. I can no longer work since I'm taking care of Mom on a full time basis. Mom makes more than I do with her retirements, SS and other pensions. Is it wrong for me to use her money to pay some of the bills. I've been questioned by other family members as to why all of her money is not going into a savings. We have all agreed that Mom will not be put into an assisted iving or nursing home. Mom chose me to live with. I an't turn my back on her just because of money. I'm I wrong to use her money to help me out financially. I don't know what else to do. Prior to her moving in with me I was making over $30,ooo more per year. Mom told me to use what I needed prior to her decline. I have full POA and have been the only one tending to her for 5 years. I've taken care of all financial and business and medical issues. When no one else bothered. I don't want this to cause a family feud. But I also have a son to think about and the upkeep of my home.

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Spend mom's $ and take her to an certified elder care attorney to work out the details now and ahead of any future family squabbles on $$. They are already questioning your judgement and it can only get worse. This site is filled with family feuding. The cost of the attorney needs to be paid for by your mom too and personally, I'd do a codicil to her will being especially nice to everybody and leaving them all something based on whatever is left of her estate. If you do it and you benefit from all, it could be considered coerced and not valid.

You probably are best to see an elder care attorney and have mom do a "personal services contract" to pay you for caregiving and expenses directly needed for her to live at your home comfortably. The upkeep of the home probably is something she shouldn't be paying for. Then she does a 1099 on it for you and you pay taxes on it. 30K a year, unfortunately, isn't much income and most home health care services pay $ 15 - 20 hr, 5 hr minimum, 2 visits per week, so you could actually makes much or more from caregiving.

You need to have the attorney structure it so that it is under whatever the $ ceiling is for your retirement or disability - if that could be an issue.

Although you might not want to think about it, the day may come when you cannot provide the level of care that your mom needs and she will need to go into a nursing home. They are expensive and mom is expected to use her assets and income to pay for her care. Without a legal contract, the $ you have been diverting from her income and assets for 5 years from the date of NH admission, could be considered a gift to you. Then you will have to private pay for her care for the period of time while there is a "transfer penalty" for the gift. This could be very expensive. If your family is combative, they could refuse to chip in to pay for any care because the $$$ should have been there if you hadn't used/spent it. They could go to court and have you removed as POA's citing financial impropriety. It could get ugly. Good legal now would be the thing to do imho. Good luck.
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No, it is not wrong. If you put her in a home or assisted living facility, they will do the same thing and not give her the care you can.
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I need to clarify that I still receive a military retirement check and also my Va. I just can't continue my Home Business or work outside the home now that I'm a full time caregiver.
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