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To anyone who has been keeping up with my mother's and my journeys, and have been kind enough to make appropriate suggestions, I just wanted to keep you informed that mom is nearing the end of her journey. We will get another blood transfusion tomorrow but she has said herself that this will be the last one, that she just cannot go on as she has. In case anyone wonders, this is not my decision or necessarily what I would like. In the same breath I will say that even though mom has made things extraordinarily difficult for me the last few years, and in a sense I feel quite taken advantage of, by far the
BIGGEST difficulty by FAR has been to watch what was an active woman steadily deteriorate into helplessness. Those of you who haver witnessed the same thing will understand, those of you who have not yet experienced this I hope you have strength. I have been complimented by her doctors and nurses that I have done my utmost for her, I like to think so myself. Now it is time to let go. Just because I have not stuck her in a nursing home some time ago does not mean that she has not had the care she needs.

One question, not important at this stage but I should think about - I have 3 nieces in town who I have had to stop counting on - they have more on their minds, like their hairstyles and make up and the tanning parlor and trips to Branson than to come visit their grandmother. Now that word is getting around that mom is in a bad way, one of them has made ovatures to come around and visit, I imagine all of them will, and what is going to be on their mind is what they are going to get. They will get nothing but a few momentoes, but the overall legal question comes in that Mom's will only mentions myself and my sister, who died earlier this year. Do I need to get her will updated or get a codicil to the effect that I am sole benificiary, or is that rendered unnecessary by my sister's death?

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I am glad you have that sorted out. One less thing to deal with when you have so many! Take care.
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Thanks again for the good answers - one reason I asked was that I am trying to straighten out her papers and I could not find her will. I got copies from the lawyer and sure enough, it does specify that if either my sister or I should outlive each other the entire estate should go to the surviver, so that, at least is OK. Thanks again.
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My mom made her will out over 10 years ago and left to only "remaining children" so if any child died it bypassed the grandkids. All 4 were alive at the time. Since 2 have passed.
She could create a new will as such or do the codicle as others have mentioned. An attorney is probably your first step in the right direction.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it has been rough on you, but you have done the right thing and deserve if for caregiving. Just think how much you saved her by not going to NH. They run $6,000 to 7,000 a month here for decent ones. Do the math and it will shock you. Plus you always worry about the care and they sure don't sit around and hug patients like we do at home.
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Proactive work now is better than dealing with squabbles later. Since there isn't much to distribute, this is more about averting emotional grief than saving your inheritance. Your mother can make her intentions perfectly clear now. BTW, since she now is of "sound mind" and that may not continue to be true right up to the end, acting quickly seems prudent.

DT, my heart goes out to you as you travel this last portion of the journey. I haven't gone there yet, but I imagine it will be with relief, with gladness for the end of suffering, and with great sadness. And yes, I understand perfectly that as much as you have complained, you also show great love and have given exemplary care. I hope those feelings will give you a great sense of accomplishment among all the other feelings.
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Hi DT - have to agree with the others -protect yourself legally. I have seen the nasty effects of greed after someone dies. Better to have it down in black and white and, as you say, cover all the bases. Sorry to hear your mum is reaching the end of this very long road, You have a lot on your plat right now. However, glad she is making the decision - better that way.
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Thanks to all for your support - there will not be that much to squabble over, there has been much speculation among certian relatives (rumors spread by my poisonous deceased bro-in-law) that mom and dad had a lot of money, based mostly on the fact they sold a house in CA years ago, but there was not that much equity in the house and it was just a tract house anyway, but the suspician still persists. I bought this house from mom a good 7 - 8 years ago, so it is freely my own, as is my furniture I brought along from CA. I just want to cover all of the bases. Codicil is a good idea.
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DT, Igloo here... well it has been a long journey for you & your mom. I know the difficulty of the whole transfusion issue - they wanted to start a series on my mom, which I would not sign off on and is one of the very specific things she listed in her AD that she did NOT want done. It isn't easy to stand your ground but sometimes you just have to.

Regarding the codicil - if you think the nieces are going to be quite a bunch of noise in your dealing with your mom's estate, then go an see an attorney to do the codicil or get specific advise as to what's what in your state regarding this. Also they can be a step ahead in handling probate and will be ahead of the curve in knowing about her and what the estate entails. I am in the having an attorney do probate camp, for me it was well worth the $ as there are just so many details that can get overlooked and it allows you to focus on the personal property aspects. I'm not an attorney but I think that if your sister predeceased your mom, then all goes to you as you are the sole heir.

Remember to get quite a few death certificates, if she has insurance policies or bank accounts or investment accounts, credit cards, etc. all of those usually will require an original certificate in order to close out or settle an account.

May you be at peace this upcoming Holiday season.
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Hey DT,

If the estate will involve more than just "mementos", you had better take action immediately. Either read up on it, consult an attorney, create a new will, or some combination of all three.

When my father passed, 1/3 of the estate went to my totally-off-the-radar-screen nephew who had never been involved with our side of family in any way. My brother had died earlier and his share passed to the nephew by Michigan law.

Chances are you nieces do not see things your way at all. After all, you are an just unemployed man receiving room and board, right?

I like the Clint Eastwood line from the movie "The Unforgiven", "DESERVE ain't got nothin' to do with it."

Better protect yourself, pronto.
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