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She is 86 has pulmanary fibrosis and now lung cancer. She had a TIA a month ago. I have no idea what kind of treatment they would reccomend or if it is even an option. She is afraid to die and have no idea how to handle this. I brought her to stay with me. which is in a differant state, after Christmas with the intentions of her being able to go back home. That was befor everything feel apart. I know she would rather be at her home and closer to her friends. There is no one to care for her there unless she went to a nursing home. I try to give her everything she needs or wants and don't mind, although it wears me out. I don't think she realizes how good she has it. Just need a little advice on how to deal with it.

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dchurchill, I'm disappointed in the pastors of your mother's church not following up. I had that kind of experience after an almost fatal bicycle accident and ended up leaving that Presbyterian Church. Maybe you could share some comforting scripture with your mother about Christ's resurrection and our future resurrection. Prayers, love and hugs for you and your mother.
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cattails, it is so sad to hear that your dad is so fearful based on an angry view of God whom he hopes will forgive him then for the wrongs he did to his wife. The good news is that he can ask God to forgive him now and trust God's grace to forgive him because none of us can earn forgiveness.
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dchurch- Thank you for writing back about your mom. And her health conditions(the honeycombing). It helps knowing that i am not crazy for thinking that dad has fibrosis also. The drs have been no help in any info about dads lungs. He is not on oxygen. But has several air machines to keep his mucus loose so he can cough it up. Also at several times in the last month dad has coughed up blood. 5 days in february. That is one of the reasons also i am worried about lung cancer. Has your mom coughed up any blood? I think also my dads faith is on shaky ground right now. I would like for us to keep in touch and maybe we can help each other out on things that we find out about our parents. My dad had radiation not chemo cause of the type of cancer chemo wouldn't work on it. He has hurthle cell carcinoma; a rare form of thyroid cancer. Well i will chat with you later. I hope for good news for you and your mom. ((((hugs)))) stormyyyy
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My mom was diagnosed last Sept. with the fibrosis. It was through regular x-rays and ct scans showing the honeycombing. She is on 2 1/2 liters of oxygen continuously. He also put her on prednisone to help reduce any inflammation. As far as what the Dr. says there is no way to predicted how fast or slow the fibroids will grow, it varies from person to person. That all happened when she was still in MO. and they never did any further test of her lungs. When I brought her here to FL. I took her to a pulmonologist who did further testing and found the cancer.
Regarding the fear of death she has attended regularly the same Lutheran church she was raised in and also raised me in (I am now nondenominational) Although, I really don’t know what her personal relationship with God is. My husband and I go to church and have always asked her to go with us. I think she doesn’t want to go outside the comfort zone of her own church. My husband and I have already discussed attending a Lutheran church to help her feel more comfortable. It has bothered me that the pastors of her church have not followed up on her since she has been gone. Especially since she has been there for 86yrs!! I have called them and they know she is not well. The pastor did come to her house a couple of times when she was there but you would think they’ve noticed her absence. I have her phone forwarded to my house so I know they haven’t tried to call her.
Thank all of you who are sharing your stories and experiences!!! It is amazing how much it helps to hear what others are going through!!!!
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d: My dad seems to be afraid of dying too. That is my impression, although he has not said it directly to me. Yes, I think it is a matter of faith, but even the faithful who have to take that final step can sometimes be fearful. My dad was pretty harsh when we were growing up and I came to understand that his father was the same with him. My dad's father was a deacon in their local church and I think he made my dad fearful of God. When my mom died, my dad went through a long process of thinking of all the things he had done that hurt my mom during their 60 plus year marriage and he did do some hurtful things when I was a teenager. Every marriage has their problems and I would try to tell my dad that he had long been forgiven and that mom was waiting for him in heaven. Still, he missed her so much and grieved at any and all things that he had regrets about. My mom has been gone for a little over 3 years now and my dad suffered a major stroke last July. He lives with us and the most he can do is feed himself. He can't see well, can't walk without complete assistance, can't hear well and can't speak but a few words. I've wondered if he wants to stay on his medications and a couple of days ago sat down with him and asked. He made it clear that he wants to stay on his meds. My parents were always clear that they didn't want to be kept going and that they didn't want to be bedridden or without quality of life. I never would have thought that my dad would want to continue on in his present condition, but he clearly does. I think he does feel comfort here with us because he does get excellent care, but it makes me sad to think that death is frightening to him and my gut tells me he is afraid to meet that angry God when he passes. I wish I could take away his fears and give him peace. I think my dad has faith in God, he just is fearful that he will not be forgiven.
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How long has your mother been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis? Is she having to stay on her oxygen a lot? My step-mother has that and was diagnosed with it about 3 years ago and is very weak plus is on her oxygen more than she used to be. Is she on chemo for her lung cancer? They might give her some meds to help reduce the possibility of another TIA. As far as her fear of death, that is a matter of faith which I don't know enough about your mother or yourself to offer any comment on other than to say if you want to know my view and why I am not afraid to die, then ask me and I will answer. If not, I am ok with that too. The approaching death or death of a parent often leads people to face the reality of death which is part of life's journey. I wish you well.
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d: Take it one step at a time. Meet with the doc for the biopsy results and listen with your mom to what the doc has to say about future treatments. If there are to be treatments, you will be scheduled to meet with an oncologist. I can't imagine surgery as an option at her age. This will be a lot for your mom to take in and my heart goes out to both of you.

Since she is living with you, should she opt for treatment, if it is an option, my guess is it would be recommended that she stay with you while undergoing any chemo. It is going to be a process of taking in lots of information, digesting it and making decisions.

If she does chemo, maybe it would be nice to go with her to her home for a couple of days of R&R and let her reconnect with home and friends before treatments begin.

My heart goes out to you. Please keep us posted.
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dchurch- I really don't know what to tell you about what treatments should be used for your mom. I'm sure the doc will let you know what path to take with the cancer. My dad has thyroid cancer. That was 2 years ago and still taking care of him. He has a trach now from the thyroid cancer. Copd, breathing problems. I think he too has pulmonary fibrosis but he has not been diagnosed from a dr as having that. His last ct scan said that he had honeycombing of the lung and compressive atelectasis. And i have wondered about whether or not the cancer has gone to his lungs or somewhere else. The drs have not told us much of anything about his cancer just wondering if you could tell me how the doctors came to the conclusion of pulmonary fibrosis. Does she have honeycombing of the lungs also? If you have any info about this i would appreciate any that you could give me. The best of luck to you and your mom! ((((Hugs)))) Stormyyy
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