camplady65 Asked March 2011

My husband and I are going on a 2 week vacation and my 88-year-ol-mother wants to come. How do I tell her it’s too hard to take her on the trip?

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My husband and I are saving for a 2 week vacation in October, we are planning to visit our son in La. My mother who is 88, walks with walker want to go with us , How do I tell her that it will be too hard on me I am 66 and have medical problems which make it hard to get around.

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Can you treat this as a second (or third) honeymoon trip and ask her to help you pick out some special clothes while buying her a special outfit ,too? Perhaps you can have a lunch out together and promise to send her postcards on a regular basis. Older women seem to take the idea of a second honeymoon as a very special event, and she may accept your trip a little better under those circumstances. I hope you have a wonderful trip!
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Just tell her that you and your husband are going ALONE for some time away. I think she is being very selfish in expecting that she will be invited. After all, it is YOUR vacation, not HERS.
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lcs Apr 2011
The question as to WHY your mother wants to go to LA with you and your husband is a good one, I think. If it is to see her grandson (your son) then using skype would be one way to visit or having your son to come to visit his grandmother before October would be another solution. How many holidays have you and your husband had in the last few years? If this one in October is the first in the last few years, then I would think you both have the right to take the trip without your mother. Also, two weeks could seem like a very long time for the three of you to be together on a holiday. Has your mother had other holidays recently? If not, then could just you and your mother go off somewhere on a short holiday or even take day trips somewhere before you and your husband head out on your holiday. I took my mom on a short trip a few years before dementia hit her and we had a great time together. I could give all my attention to her and didn't have to worry about what my husband wanted to do. I made stops along the highway that my dad never made when he was alive so my mom got to go into towns she had always wanted to see but hadn't. When we reached our destination, I just looked after her and she was as happy as a lark. It is a wonderful memory to look back on now that she has passed on. But if you haven't the time or money to make a trip like this, day trips can be just as much fun. I did a lot of them with my mom too and she liked them all. She did want to travel still when she couldn't so we had to tell her it wasn't possible anymore. That is when all the family had to come to her rather than her doing any of the travelling. Good luck with your situation .
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ppj784 Apr 2011
With my mom (same age), we just tell her the truth. We just get away for 4 hrs every 3 months when my brother comes to sit with her. She always asks, "Am I going?" I tell her that it is good for our marriage to get away for a little bit by ourselves. She always says, "That's true; have fun!" Of course, my husband is always joking with her so he says, "We need to get away from you for awhile." To which she replies, "Now, you know you don't really mean that, Jerry." And she laughs and laughs. We are truly blessed because her sense of humor is still there every day.
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Oh, that is a tough one! Do you know what Skype is? She would need someone to operate that at home for her, but wouldn't it be fun if you and your son could Skype with her each day of your vacation? Old people love technology, if they have someone help them with it. (Same goes for me). It would be something for her to look forward to, but would require enlisting the help of a friend at home. Or, make a video of your trip and have a plan to do something special with her when you get back. She needs something to look forward to, since she can't be included in the trip. I'm not used to situations like that with my Mom- she always thinks of my needs first, even though she is 90 years old! I hope your Mom understands your needs, as well as her own.
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N1K2R3 Apr 2011
Just tell her. Arrange for her to stay with someone else, preferably in the family.
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dinak Apr 2011
Is it because she wants to see her grandson, or does your mom just like to travel, and go out with you and your husband in general? If it is because she wants to see her grandson, then it is a bit more of a problem to refuse her. Is there any way that he could somehow come to see her so she doesn't have to travel in October? Also, did you pick La because your son is there, or you really like that area? My point is if you were going someplace else for vacation, would your mom be wanting to go, or would she have no problem with your going alone with your husband? If she is really bored, maybe you could take her on a shorter outing prior to October and explain that the October trip will be too exhausting for her. Again, that is only if seeing your son is not the reason she wants to go. If it's about him, then I would look into how to get the two of them together. Good luck.
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Emerald4Me Mar 2011
Do you have siblings? If you could enlist one of them to offer for her to stay with them, that would be great. They could say something like "Mom, we look forward to having you all to ourselves for those 2 weeks." That way, maybe she will forget about your trip because she has something to do.
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