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I have found myself feeling the same way about my dad, who's 93 -- wishing he would pass away -- and then feeling terribly guilty about my feelings, because I do love him, despite his flaws. It occurred to me that I would be better off working through my feelings while he was still alive, so I would be able to love him more fully while he's with us and have few regrets after he's gone. It's a process to do this! When I feel resentful of him, I try to trace those feelings to the source. Sometimes I find the feelings are natural and I forgive myself for having them. Sometimes I (re)discover his flaws, and I DECIDE to forgive them because like all of us, he is a product of his upbringing and his interactions with other flawed people, so to some extent he can't help some of his flaws. Some of his flaws (deliberate selfishness for example) I struggle with because I find them so contrary to the rest of his character and his religious faith. When I encounter this, I again consciously decide to forgive him because his good qualities outweigh the bad, and I believe if I can forgive, then I will receive the gift of forgiveness for my faults as well. Be gentle with yourself...it will help you to be more gentle with your mom.
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It is ok to pray for relief for someone suffering. When my mother-in-law was suffering, I had a priest tell me it was ok to pray for an end to suffering and pain. I did it and one day while visiting her, I found myself thinking to myself and her, it is ok to let go. A friend told me, we must let go of a person for them to get the release from the pain. I am praying for you and hope this helps. Eadie
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I feel the same way you do. My mother lives with us and she's 82 and very opinionated and hates it if my husband and I go out on a "date". She becomes bitter and mean if we leave her at home. She is totally competent and probably smarter than we are. But she's getting mean and hateful. I don't think there's anything that can help you "cope" with this, it's just normal, I think, to feel this way. My mother is so healthy, she will probably outlive us!!! I have found that prayer helps me to "cope" with this. I'll admit I have negative feelings too. Good luck, but don't blame yourself for this.
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Can your mother qualify for a Medicaid nursing home? Also, was she or your father a veteran? I would look into alternatives for her care.
You are suffering from burn out and need a big break. Your mother is at the age where she will need more medical care that you will not be able to provide at home.
good luck
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Don't feel guilty about your feelings. You are not alone. Many people have felt this way. The disease process is stripping your mother of her life and it is adversely affecting your life. It would be merciful for all if this slow wearing away would end, but we are taught to honor and respect our parents and to be good and only say nice things. Thus the guilt. It is only a feeling and feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. Try to focus on the little happy or successful things that occur each day and realize that it is the degenerative process you resent, not your loved one. Good Luck
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