Did anyone think of how long they would be caring for their loved one at home before they started?

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Yes, and it didn't change my mind either. If not family, who? Its impossible to pay anyone to care the way you do.
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Aleeta: I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. What a terrible, tragic loss. I am so sorry.
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My 87 yr. old f-i-l choked, passed out, flat-lined and was 'shocked' back to life 5 months ago. He already had significant disabilities (mild dementia, poor vision, weak left side, and no speech -- all due to a head injury accident 30 years ago.
He choked because muscles in his throat (as I understand it) were getting progressively weaker. He was put on a ventilator and received a stomach feeding tube. After a week in ICU and 5 days on the regular hospital wing, he was sent
home to us. He is too weak to do much more than squirm a bit. His days are spent calling out the only word he can more of less speak -- my husband's name (his only child). He's lived with us 5 years, since his wife died. With a strong heart beat and clear lungs, he is nowhere near death -- just in what seems to be a permanent state of confusion and vague discomfort. Hospice helps, but my husband is the 24/7 caregiver. I have a chronic neurological disease.
Our only child died suddenly 4 years ago, leaving behind a husband, young son and a career she loved. It is hard to have a positive outlook on life, living with grief and despair . Sometimes it feels like the future is slowly dripping away ala some Poe horror story. Friends & distractions are temporary diversions; but sorrow is the undercurrent that never leaves my heart. Sound like bad fiction, doesn't it?
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TSo sorry to hear your plight. Just today i told my mom I would only be by if she needs help. Ifelt like i was being smothered and your story sounds similar. Its so hard to put up with all the pettiness and everything I did was wrong. She is very frugal, etc. I think it would be tolerable if the person wasnt your mother Ithink. Thank God i will be working parttime pretty soon. She is not happy about this but she won
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I never dreamed in my worst nightmare that me and my sister would still be taking care of my father. He had to have a trach put in due to thyroid cancer, the tumor was 5 cm. Me and sis thought that after a few weeks he would be back to normal and our lives would be too. Boy, were we wrong!!!! We had no idea what we were in for. We were so blinded.... Next week will be 2 years we have been taking care of him. And i am so tired of it all. I can't believe we are starting on our third year. I just have to wonder how long this will drag out. And then when i think about that it scares the sh$# out of me. Love and hugs stormyyy
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I thought it would be 6-1 yr and then of course mom would ease into some type of assisted living. Now 3 yrs ltr and going. Mom's still in the "I"M GOING TO GET BETTER" mindset (she has Stage 4 PD). Her therapists and drs play along and encourage this because I guess it's "positive thinking". It may be positive but it's not reality. IF I had known 3 yrs ago I would have worked my tush off encouraging mom to go into assisted living. (In her positive thinking mind she thinks that if it becomes too hard for me she'll go to AL but truth is she'd need NH -- not AL at this point and beyond. I love my mom and I'm glad I got to do right by her but I think it's time to pass the torch! Wish she did.
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I too fell into care giving for my parents; it started slowly with my father’s heart problems and became full time for my mother after my father passed. I was working full time in the “corporate” world and they were on their own with a little home care to get them breakfast and dinner and us siblings took care of lunch. My parents were from the “old” school, my mother never had a checking about and she was never away from my father. My father provided very well for her and us six siblings.
My mother moved in with me the day my father suddenly passed. We had some of the best times together until she started to get chronic UTI’s. I left my “corporate” job after 20 years to be with my mother and care for her. The sad part is there was no direction given to me; no one told me where the local resources were and how to access them. I had no clue on the Area on Aging let alone the VA Aid and Attendant Benefit that would have helped me a lot. I made a lot of wrong turns but did the best I could with what I knew. I can say I was a real bitch at times trying to figure out how to manage day to day and go on some days. It was not easy and I did not take care of myself and that is the ONLY thing I regret, a care giver must take care of themselves..!!!

I placed my mother in a rehab center so I could get some respite time, not sure why since I was there from 8 am to 8 pm. I had the mindset that no one could take care of her like me and I was the best. Very funny thought now, knowing everyone could have done this I just spoiled her. LOL She was placed in her bed wrong and was killed in the facility two days before coming back home. I miss care giving for her daily and would do it again in a heartbeat. I would just change some things like taking care of myself and not ending in the hospital for 5 days with PTSD after three years of caring for her every need and then some stranger placing her in bed wrong and she dies..!! A cover up ensured; however it was quickly found by the coroner and then I was informed of what “really” happened. Needless to say it has been 18 months and I am still angry at the facility and most important is I did not get to say goodbye..!! It was taken out of my hands. Cherish every moment you have with your loved one.

I realize this is easy for me to say since I miss my mother and she was take in such a tragic way; however if a care giver take care of themselves first, it may be more enjoyable for them along the journey. Finding support groups, this website, and local community resources can help. I am now a Patient Advocate for seniors and families in my community. I help families find care and local resources to care for their loved one. No one helped me, so I will help others now. I feel the tragic way my mother passed was a sign from God that I am to help others so they do not go through what I have gone through. Paying it forward and securing myself a place next to my parents in heaven..!! Anyone need help in Indiana, send me a note.
Blessings,
Bridget
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Nope sure didn't... But it never crossed my mind to even ask the question...jumped in with both feet and continue learning as I go along. Always knew I would take care of parents when the time came...soooo. Have learned to get time for myself to fresh body and soul..but still trying to figure a few days at a time.. Oh wel. We do what we do because we love our family and want them to be in the best place for them...we give up our lives and sometimes our selves but we keep on going.... The energizer bunny ya know!!
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I keep reading and hearing people equate caring for their parents as pay back for them caring for us. It is not the same. They were raising me up to be an independent functioning adult. I am faced with handling 2 unreasonable parents who are suffering the consequences of living a life isolated in their younger years where their house has been their only source of involvement. They didn't take me to 3 doctors appts a week, fight to give me medicine, get headaches from yelling at me because I wouldn't wear a hearing aid - I could go on and on about the differences. I am not a part time employee. I am a daughter who wants to spend time with her parents watching a movie, talking about old time. I am not a taxi cab driver, a nurse, a personal grocery shopper, a mail man, a landscaper, a maid. Realize there is something really wrong with letting your parents kill you with taking care of their needs that should be outsourced. It is different than it was when my mother cared for her mother. She needed care for 6 months, my parents have no health diseases. They have stubborn personalities and will continue a slow deterioration over the next 7 years or more and they will make me deteriorate with them unless I set boundaries and not enable them to use me in the name of "care taking".
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No I never dreamed I would be taking care of my mother this long. God forgive me but I am so tired of it. I'm having my own health problems. Since I am her full time care giver I have no income for insurance so I am up a creek. She has always been excuse the phrase a bit of a bitch and it is worse. I'm not even her favorite child. I really try hard to make sure she gets what she needs but her being uncooperative doesn't help.
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