My husband has terminal metastatic prostate cancer with about 6 months to live. How do I deal with his family?

I am so sorry you and your husband are going through this difficult time. Maybe sending them letters/emails expressing your desire to have them in their Dad's life at this point. Sometimes it is hard to take that first step toward reconcilliation but I have always felt the one who reaches out first reaps the best reward. You would be opening doors to bringing the whole family together again. They are probably feeling the same deep down and just don't know how to deal with what is happening. Let them know how much it would mean to their Dad and you for them to make the effort to call and/or visit more often.

Would it be possible to have some kind of low key family weekend? Or maybe one family a weekend could come visit. If they are close enough..it could even be just a day trip.

This is not time to let personal feelings and past hurts get in the way; it is a time of mending and being together for each other. Time to open those hearts and arms!

I wish you all the best. Gob bless!

I would contact the sons and grandchildren and explain that your husband is ill and requires a visit with ongoing phone calls to him for the remainder of his life.
If they remain self absorbed it will lead to little or no contact but if even one of these folks steps up he will be happier.

The use of Skype can assist but sitting with an ill person holding their hand, giving them a hug or a kiss on the forehead when they are down can't be
made up for by technology. Just being there to reassure lessens pain and grants the ill person a peace of mind. Your presence in his life I am sure does all of this.

Good luck --I hope one of his relatives steps up but send out the notification and let God soften their hearts to do the right thing for their father, grandfather.

Elizabeth

also in your case since it is terminal, hospice will come in free of charge to provide you with care and give you time for your self, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Some people just don't have any compassion or empathy, I decided those kind of people are just not worth my time, God will take care of everything, I truely beleive this, God Bless and take care

FIL and I reached out…..
When FIL was ill (he knew he was terminal and didn't tell me) He sat down with me asked the same question. He so wanted to see his sons, he reached out to them by asking them to help with the paperwork (changing the deed to a living trust ect.) they told him no. I think because they didn't believe he was dying (a little bit of a hypochondriac over the years) . He asked me if he should offer to pay them for their visits? He suggested 50.00 each per. I was mortified he felt he had to go that way. He knew we (myself, my husband and the brothers)don’t get along, so he asked me to talk to them and squelch any bad feelings. We reached out to them. When he didn't die after their first visit they became accusatory with me ( as if I manipulated them). The sadness I feel was (is) ridiculous. I was so hurt, vengefully; I got on the phone and explained, he was so upset about their lack of interest he was willing to pay for their visits. Their reply...How much? He died 2 weeks later. They hate me. I feel sorry for them.
Hopefully in your situation you can suggest they arrange their vacations and/or long weekends in your area. Get "Skype” a computer video chat. The sons and grand kids can update you both on the daily adventures (sounds like they are a busy bunch) Even face book can help. I realize they are older but if they actually see him they might realize something they don’t over the phone. Best buy, Geek squad can help you with the setup.
But beware....I tried this with MIL and I had to deal with her dissappointment when they never called back..... Good luck!

My advice is don't waste your energy and time on these people. Take care of yourself, your husband and matters that need attention to help you servive.
For 33 yrs, I have dealt with step sons that did nothing but try to split my husband and I up. I had nothing to do with their Mom and Dad's split. He married someone else between their mother and I. They have told me they can have me killed anyday ect. When I was ill in the hospital as soon as I got home one of their Bimbo wives called me and said if I died they were filing a claim against my property. I have a small farm, they are nothing to me. One of them married a wanted female off the internet. I worked all the time as a professional person. I finally told my husband they were not allowed in my home any longer. You cannot waste your time trying to make bullies like you. They wanted my husband to give them POA over him when he was going to have surgery. I worked in the medical area. He did not do it. Just tell them their Dad is ill, but don't invite trouble in. Be realistic they are not in your corner. Best of Luck

I believe in keeping family informed. I send emails about things that I feel are important that they know. I am usually not looking for a response, but I to give my siblings a chance to respond if they want to. I recently was surprised when my aunt died. One brother stepped up with his family and went to the funeral with us. His wife drove the entire rainy trip and his children helped my mother with everything. And my brother paid for most of the trip. My mother had said not to bother them with it about my aunt dying. I am glad that I did because it gave my siblings a chance to respond. If a family is kept out of the loop, it's not their fault when they don't step up.

I am so sorry to hear this - you have a hard road ahead. You may not hear from your husband's family now, but believe me, you certainly will when it comes to what they feel they are entitled to !! Don't be squeamish - Make sure all legal loose ends are tied up now and that you are well taken care of financially. I know things are hectic for you right now, but don't forget to look after yourself. Your husband's family will not have your best interests at heart when it comes to the nitty gritty. Best of luck - I hope everything will be resolved satisfactorily and that your husband has a peaceful journey to the end of his life. My thoughts are with you.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I know it can be stressful and overwhelming at the same time. I believe giving the situation to God. He is a loving God and He knows your pain and what you are going through. He is willing to walk by your side and give you comfort and strength during this time if you just let Him. He has not forgotten you or your husband. Will you just turn your life over to Him and let Him take care of everything? Just say a simple prayer: " Lord, I ask you to forgive my sins, I believe you died on the cross for me and I ask you to save my soul and to take over this situation. Give me your strength, courage, comfort and wisdom on how to handle this. I can't do this without you. I need you Lord. Write my name in the Lamb's book of life and help me. In Jesus name. Amen." Reading the Bible helps with comfort also. Start with reading the book of Psalms. God will help you through this if you let Him! Get your husband to say the above prayer also and the two of you read the book of Psalms together it will give him comfort as well. Do this daily and look to the Lord for guidance. He loves us sooo much and He wants to help. God Bless you both.

I'm very sorry that they feel you are taking care of everything, so why step up to the plate and get more involved. Try something. Go to www.hacres and read the testimonials. Many 100's of people have healed themselves of prostrate cancer, among almost every problem we have in this world. It's just common sense. Let your relatives deal with it in their way. You know what you have done for this man. Sleep good at night your reward will come. Take care of yourself too, one day at a time.

Patakins,

I am sorry you are going through this and it is awful, but it is not just family that does these kinds of actions. My mom attended the same church for over 40 years, all of the people she knew from that time that are still around do not call or come for a visit either and they are old enough to know better. Today, people are too absorbed in their own lives to think about others.

I would notify each family member of the situation and say that he would love to hear from them a bit more frequently. If after this point, they do not put forth the effort then the guilt they will feel after the fact is their issue.

I am not trying to be cruel by any means, but I am dealing with a similar situation with my mom and have been except my mom doesn't have a terminal cancer. My mom has 3 brothers and 6 sisters living, she hears from 2 sisters every now and then. She was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I said something about telling her siblings and she told me no. I was allowed to tell the 2 that called, but none of the rest. My mom said it won't make a difference to them, they still will not call me. So it is my husband, myself and mom as we forge forward through this disease. I know I am doing the right thing and I do not worry about the rest.

I have 3 siblings, of which 2 will call their own mother once every 4 - 6 weeks if she get lucky and 2 of her own grandchildren won't talk to her by phone but about once a year if she gets lucky.

So I have learned to tell them what they need to know and the return action is up to them. You cannot make them pick up the phone and call, hold onto the memories the two of you have, stay positive, make more happy memories and they can answer for their actions someday. Remember they will be old or sick one, who is going to call them. So keep a stiff upper lip and remember there are others out there that go through the same thing and we are here to support each other.

Again, I am truly sorry they are treating you that way.