Mom has dementia and drives! How do I tell her to stop driving when she gets around so well?

We went though this with my mother about 5 years ago when she started driving badly at times. My sister had dmv call her in to test and they said she was a perfect driver even though she had driven with others in the car and done bizare things like stopping in the middle of a 4 lane highway because she forgot where she was going. One day she had a spell with her heart and a period of extreme weakness and I happened to be there. I said mom, what if that had happened while you were driving. Fortunately she was aware enough for that to bother her . Watch for anything to use. You never know, it was so much easier when she thought of it a few days later on her own and she gave it up. Good luck !

I went through this difficult situation too. Fortunately my dad's doctor told him he could no longer drive. My dad was angry & upset, but he did not want to harm or kill anyone. It took him some time to accept. Dad likes to tinker with cars/trucks. So he kept a truck, which he would work on & would sit in the driver's seat. But he never drove again. Just make sure your mom has alternative transportation. Good luck.

Sending good thoughts and wishes as this will be one of the hardest things you will have to do; but you will feel relieved once it is accomplished. I really empathize with how your mother is going to feel and you too. I had to do this with my father and it was really sad, but being the sweet and wonderful person that he was; he agreed, although reluctantly. My MIL on the other hand, who was one of the strongest willed people I have ever met; not so easy. These are the steps we had to take in her case as she was so defiant and dementia or not, no one was ever telling her what to do.

- Doctor told her in person - absolutely no more driving and why.
- We had to have doctor call her several times and put it in writing
- Next the doctor contacted RMV and had her license revoked
- Meanwhile, had to disconnect the battery and take keys as
she was adament she was going to drive and could not be
trusted, unfortunately

I had consulted Elder Services and these were measures recommended by them for resistent elderly. There was hell to pay for this, especially for me as I was always on the receiving end of her anger about this; but we had to do the right thing. I had recently been to my own doctor shortly before this and the nurse told me that morning an elderly person with impairments had hit and killed a police officer on detail at a construction site. He left 3 small children. So, I knew what we had to do not matter what. Take care and hope all goes well.

One of the receptionist at the asst living where my mother-in-law lives was hit by a car driven by an old lady that shouldn't have been driving. She was taking a walk down the sidewalk, just passing by the driveway of an apartment complex. She stopped when she saw an old lady coming towards her. The senior waved her by, then suddenly hit the gas and ran her over. The old lady's son yanked her car and moved her into asst living right after that. Now the receptionist didn't die, but she got her leg run over and faced multiple surgeries. Point is, that old lady should NEVER have been driving. Her judgement had been impaired by dementia, and unfortunately it took an accident to finally get her son to take action.

Never lost, never careless, never absolutely reliable. She has dementia. Her judgment is impaired. Not all the time yet. In fact, hardly any of time. But you and she cannot count on that odd moment of poor judgement waiting until her trip is over to rear its unpredictable head. And one bad judgement could be the end of her life or the life of an innocent bystander.

Giving up driving was probably the single most traumatic and disturbing aspect of dementia to my husband. He mourned his little sports car for a year. But it absolutely had to happen. I am thankful that his doctor handled the breaking of the news.

My heart goes out to you and to your mother at this huge loss in your lives, in this obvious erosion of her independence. Dementia is a very cruel disease, one loss at a time.

Hugs to you.