How do I talk with my mother who has dementia?

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Moms still In the hospital but ech day I grab for the phone I dread what she will say. I know I have to learn to talk on her level but its like she puts me down and blames me for her condition. I sometimes dont even want to call, but guilt gets the best of me. Im trying to find a separate place for her to live cause from hearing stories on here theres no way Id put my kids or husband through this.
I need help on how to handle being with her cause shes not who she used to be and Im scared of her. Please help!!!

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You should listen and show that you are sympathetic -- that you are on their side. Don't argue. And then change the topic or redirect to some activity.

Patient complains constantly that he is not brought to meals on time. This happened once, when the center was short-handed. You reply, "Oh, isn't that uncomfortable when they bring you late? And you come in alone like you are making a grand entrance. That was a very uncomfortable day. I'm glad most days are not like that. ... What is your favorite dessert they serve here?" Repeat as necessary.

Patient who hallucinates is angry because there are men looking in her window and nobody does anything about it. You say, "That would really be upsetting! I'll put a note for evening shift to be sure your blinds are closed every night, and I'll alert security. That ought to take care of it. I see that you are working a crossword puzzle. Are you pretty good at that?"
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When the dementia patient is angry and complaining something to you, should you just listen or change the topic?
Thanks.
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When the dementia patient is angry and complaining something to you, should you just listen or change the topic?
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Having gone through being a caretaker of my mom who recently died from Alz...I've found the best way to talk to them is like a valued friend. My mom had no clue who I was for years, but at least I could be the 'nice lady' who came to visit and take care of her. :-) I found the hardest stage of all was the mid-stage of Alz. She was aggressive, paranoid and after just plain angry about everything. She blamed me for just about everything, stealing lying anything she could think of. You just need to try and not take them seriously (which can be hard while they are trying to hit you). This ONLY the disease talking, not them, they're gone and the disease has taken over. I send you my blessings and please realize that almost all of us here on this site have gone through the same or similar things with our loved ones. Lindaz
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Linny20, we don't know. In fact some behaviors are caused by or made worse by some of the medications. But the medications are being given for a reason. There was a symptom there to start with. A med was given to try to improve it. Sometimes it doesn't work; sometimes it makes matters worse; sometimes it works on the symptom it was prescribed for but causes another symptom.

Treating people with damaged brains is VERY complicated with our present state of knowledge. Working closely with a doctor who is committed to maintaining and improving quality of life is critical. Often it involved some try-and-try again experimentation with drugs.
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How do we know many of these symptoms aren't caused by all the medications that are being given????????
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I know I should not use the word remember, what is a good example, not that statement, do not say this or that, in plain English, Mom ?
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Is my mother able to accept the fact she is having trouble, or should I not try to help her understand what is happening to parts of her brain?
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My Mom now is not my Mom. I had to put her in assisted living after she had such a severe UTI, she was vomiting blood and I had to take her to the emergency room. I had just returned from a 2 wk vacation, my first in 10 years. This is not her first UTI, but each time, has taken a toll on her, and this time is by far the worse. She is on medication for Dementia, and she was doing well with it. That is until this UTI. She fights with the nurses, she throws fits with me, she tells me I'm trying to kill her by taking her to Dr.'s and having her in Assisted Living now. She says she hates me, etc. I have found that just not playing into her, she is better. I just let her rant like she's in her terrible 2's and talk softer to her which is how I handled my kids in that stage. Sometimes, I have told her that if she doesn't let the nurse or Dr. care for her, that she will have to go to a nursing home or sometimes back to the hospital. She is aware when she is out of control sometimes and when she calms down and thinks about it she comes back. She has told me at times that she can't help it when she is out of control and I tell her that I know, that it's scary and not fun to be sick and that I love her.
Realizing that she is not who she really is now, helps and thinking of the good times helps. I also remind myself that she did not abandon me when I went through the terrible 2's, nor during my dramatic teenage years!
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I have finally understand her condition. I have her her now and I have made my visits short. She talks to me nicely in the beginning of our visits but at times shes demanding for something she wants. Ive learned to comply with her and she seems to be ok with it. Our coversations seem to be mostly on her having a phone, which if she has she cancels things she needs, plus shes wanting all her bills. I tell her relax it all ok. She seems to at least be able to talk to me for now. I just pray it continues. If not Im learning its not her!!
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