After a disturbing phone call from a family friend my sister and I decided to make appointment for Doctor without his knowledge.We will let him know the day before.We live 3 hours away and we need Doctor to confirm what we are seeing.Memory loss.
I assume the disturbing phone call was the last straw, rather than the first you'd heard of it.
Best practice in dementia care is not to advise people of appointments in advance. Not because you're trying to trap him into anything, but because it creates anxiety and confusion and then more anxiety about being unable to remember and feeling confused... so much so that the appointment, no matter how innocuous, becomes associated with upsetting emotions. Which is not a good start.
If you and sister are both taking him to see his doctor, the Good Operating Practice is to go to his house, help him get ready to go out, and when he says (ideally not until you're all in the car and on the road) 'where are we going?' you reply: "we are going to see Dr Bloggs who wants to run a health check on you."
It would be really helpful if you also have something nice lined up, like lunch at his favourite restaurant, so that the main event of the day as far as he's concerned is a trip out with his two girls. So that then you would be able to say "we are going to La Stupenda, hurrah! And on the way we need to call in on Dr Bloggs, because he wants to run a health check on you."
Avoid lying. If you can't give him an honest (or at least partly truthful) answer try to change the subject instead.
I would handle it very carefully, since when you tell him, he may refuse to go. I'd have Plan A, Plan B, etc. just in case. Do you think he'll just agree to go spur of the moment, for reasons he doesn't agree with?
Also, I'd prepare a detailed list of what is concerning you for the doctor to see. Your dad doesn't have to see it. Have you observed odd behavior or friends, neighbors, etc. I would include that, as it gives more impact and support for your concerns. I have done that with two of my family members. I took the list in ADVANCE and stressed how important it was for them to read it BEFORE they saw my loved one. It worked great, but take a copy with you, just in case they misplace it. This list of your observations and concerns will provide the doctor with info that will aid them in their consult.
Keep in mind that sometimes people who are declining will do pretty well when at the doctor's office. It's unreal. I'd be prepared for that too. Keep in mind to explore their ability to maintain their household, take medications, etc. and not just give the date, President and what facility they are in.
Best practice in dementia care is not to advise people of appointments in advance. Not because you're trying to trap him into anything, but because it creates anxiety and confusion and then more anxiety about being unable to remember and feeling confused... so much so that the appointment, no matter how innocuous, becomes associated with upsetting emotions. Which is not a good start.
If you and sister are both taking him to see his doctor, the Good Operating Practice is to go to his house, help him get ready to go out, and when he says (ideally not until you're all in the car and on the road) 'where are we going?' you reply: "we are going to see Dr Bloggs who wants to run a health check on you."
It would be really helpful if you also have something nice lined up, like lunch at his favourite restaurant, so that the main event of the day as far as he's concerned is a trip out with his two girls. So that then you would be able to say "we are going to La Stupenda, hurrah! And on the way we need to call in on Dr Bloggs, because he wants to run a health check on you."
Avoid lying. If you can't give him an honest (or at least partly truthful) answer try to change the subject instead.
Also, I'd prepare a detailed list of what is concerning you for the doctor to see. Your dad doesn't have to see it. Have you observed odd behavior or friends, neighbors, etc. I would include that, as it gives more impact and support for your concerns. I have done that with two of my family members. I took the list in ADVANCE and stressed how important it was for them to read it BEFORE they saw my loved one. It worked great, but take a copy with you, just in case they misplace it. This list of your observations and concerns will provide the doctor with info that will aid them in their consult.
Keep in mind that sometimes people who are declining will do pretty well when at the doctor's office. It's unreal. I'd be prepared for that too. Keep in mind to explore their ability to maintain their household, take medications, etc. and not just give the date, President and what facility they are in.