I'm taking care of someone abusive to me. How do I cope with this type of caregiving?


i take care of a person with eye problems, i dont know what his problem is, i came in after he had some surgery, i have been giving care to this person[lets call z] for the past 19 months, i cook for z, in the morning, i cant sleep late, have to be up early cook for him, z has to have breakfast, i cook, then get me eye docs, he is going to call from 9 to like 4.30, sometimes calls like four to 5 times to the same person, within like 40 minutes, and most times z is going to say that # is not working, i have to find the #s online or hear foul language, z dial it wrong, he has to have his food at around 1.45 -2.25 pm, again i cook, all day z is watching tv, from 7.15 to all the way to evening news, after that z goes to sleep around 8.30, mostly z sleeps on the living sofa, z has to be told 3 times before z wakes up and sits down on the sofa, z acts like the phone calls are going somewhere, like z is doing this and that, sometimes z is gone with the ride that comes to pick z up, gone most days, never seen z do to the ride what he does to me, z calls from the cell phone during that time like every 40 min, this routine goes on for 7 days, anytime z make mistakes z blames me, z calls the ride and let the woman know what i did, how bad the food was, or what i did wrong, i did not connect the call fast enough or i gave wrong #s, or i didnt answer the calls this and that, sometimes every hour during the weekday, z shouts loudly uses foul language, in the morning z get up on saturday see my belongings anything and throws into trash, i has cameras, my clothes, my belongiongs, my money, everything, i have two old clothes, one bra, i have not change in 6 months, i wash and wear it, i dont know what i have done wrong, i get hit in the head by z lots of time, i dont get paid a penny just do the work for home, he calls the ride and tell everything, i am afraid, he has thrown away all my belonging, clothes, and shouts very loudly and hit me, i have no underpants, none for the past year, everything is thrown away, yesterday friday i left early to find blind caregiver group or discussion, so i could ask some Qs, i was frighten, afraid, this mornign saturday i was kitchen early cooking, z comes over hits me on the head with knuckles, throws food away, i have nowhere to go, no outside job, no one who will help me, no church will help me, i have no ids, i have a ticket i have not cleared, z throw away ids, and tickets, i dont know what to do, i read once: a lady was arrested in Fla. coz the person she was caring for called 911 during dinner time for some arguments, z ride owes me money $778, a year ago igave the ride the paper of the amount of work i did for a relative of ride[ride gets relatives into U.S. and make them citizen by setting up marriages, etc., z says dont give me money i will run away, ride has not paid me, ride is at 5700 lindley av, i have to take buses to go there to drop the paper to write that please pay money, i am afraid i dont know what to do, once ride put me into hospital by calling and saying false words, they took my urine found nothing, i am afraid ride will do again, i will be arrested coz i have not cleared my ticket, when i take z outside for walk, and ask z to walk in a straight line z walks in opp direction towards the other side of the road, and then i have to take arm and put z on the walkway. where while walking z hits the wall or grass, then z shouts loudly i did that to z, and what if z falls i did it i did it, then he comes home and calls ride and say what i did to z,
z is not senior, z says z call police on me, z says i[z] have medical problem that i[me] should feel caregiver or compassionate and take care of z, i need advice, i want to jump in the river and what the new york woman did, i have nowhere to turn to, no church, no relative, no family, no one, i dont know where to go, no money, just hit, just foul language, oh look how the other females are, look how they dress, look at you how you look ugly, i want to say back you threw my clothes away, my belongings, i cant coz i am sacred i will get hit in the head and hear more foul languages, he takes medicine and he threatens me to call police on me for he has medical condition, what i do i want to drown myself like the ny woman, i have no one to talk to, am i really bad, do you thing my killing myself i can get away from this hell

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing


Dear I am Mental,

You do not have to be abused.
What 'z' is doing is against America's law and against God's law.
Take what you have left and call 911 and then sit on the curb and wait for them.
Do not stay there another hour.
it does not matter if you have no ID or there is an outstanding ticket.
You are a victim of abuse and are a 'battered woman'.

Even if you are an illegal immigrant, the United States will get you started in the right direction so don't worry about that.
You will be WAY better off inside the system of the United States than you are with 'z'.

When a woman is abused like you have been, it is hard for them to see what to do and this is called 'battered woman syndrome'.

Once again, take a bag of what you have left and call 911 and say this exactly:
'I am a battered woman and am escaping my abuser. I don't have much time, please come to (say your address) and get me before he kills me.'
Say it exactly like I have written and then go to the curb and wait for them. They will come and take you to a safe place where you will be fed and protected and 'z' will not be able to find you or contact you.

Don't worry about trying to get any money he owes you. That is over with and not worth your life.

Once you are safe inside a shelter you will have access to another computer and then you can contact us and let us know that you are ok. There are many many people on this site that are very worried about you and don't know how to help other than the above advice.

GET OUT NOW. THIS MINUTE. Make that call to 911.

Helpful Answer (5)

Think I'm just about to get hit by the storm, if I leave for while it's cause my electric has gone out again.
Helpful Answer (0)

hope she comes back to read this , if z lets her ??? prayers sent at ur way , if i were u i would call 911 the next time he hits u , no ladies desevrve this kind of abuse , i think i would rather be in jail than havin to live in fear with that jerk ...
Helpful Answer (0)

AC ADMINISTATOR, Please notice this original posting by "iammental"
Helpful Answer (3)

Iam, where are you? There are people who want to help you. Many shelters will help people get back on their feet. You just are dealing with a horrible abuser. You have options. It might not feel that way, that is what your abuser wants you to think. Don't believe z. It doesn't matter that 'z' trashed your ticket, belongings etc. You can still get help to get out of there. Tell us more. Maybe we can help.
Helpful Answer (2)

You need to dump z and get on with your life. I'd say that it's not YOU that needs to jump in the river, it's Z. Get a new job.
Helpful Answer (1)

Please stay talking here!!!
You seem so alone but here you won't be!
You have us now!
Are you in Fla?
Helpful Answer (1)

you are an abused person who needs to find a shelter and get away from him. If you are suicidal, dial 911 and get some professional help right now.
Helpful Answer (2)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.