Should I "correct" my mom or allow her to have delusions when I am taking care of her?

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my suggestion is her reality is her reality and arguing can just be counter productive... take care
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It's good that you were able to find a nursing home that you are happier with. No, it doesn't seem that treats will harm him.
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My dad has dillusions of drug runners trying to force drugs on him and taking him to odd places. It's hard to understand these dillusions but if you think outside the box it's the nurses telling him here's your meds and he's in a nursing home not his home. We did finally get him in a better nursing home that they hide the meds in food but he still has dillusions it's part of alz. He even has meds to help but it just numbs it, he still has dillusions just not as hard on him. When he wants something I can't give him I just say ok I'll work on it and change the subject to something he can have. I also make sure the nursing home has his favorite things like coke, cashews, ice cream and I take in a little candy once in a while. Dad has gone from 220 to 135 in a year so I don't think these treats along with his 2 servings at each meal will hurt anything. Dad has to be in a nursing home he's an aggressive alz and parkinson patient with sundowners.
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Coleen your Dad seems to be more like my Mom. She has places to go and things to do and there is not much you can do to dissuade her. Christmas morning she needed to go to the PO and get the mail. Over and over, let's go let's go. Finally we went to the PO, no lights, it is closed. She gets out of the car, tries the door, they are closed. (Imagine!) That was the end of it...for about 20 minutes. It has nothing to do with being "right" and everything to do with how many times you can go someplace you can't go to at that time to show her it isn't possible. The funeral parlor isn't open at 6 am; the bank is closed on Sunday; my Aunt sold her house 2 years ago and no the new owners don't want Mom stopping by 14 times a day to say hello. She loves to visit and be social and we and her caregiver take her where she wants, provided it is doable. But, there are times it isn't and she just does not stop. Her favorite phrase is "let's go"! We've counted...on average 42 times in 10 minutes she says "let's go"! From the first thing in the morning till when she falls asleep at night, she wants to go. When you are with Mom, that is what you are doing, being with Mom. She loves to ride around but short of that she has the attention span of a gnat and it is impossible to get her interested in anything. Yes she is on medicine and yes we have told the doctors. She is actually a bit better. But when she gets a thought she'll hound you to death!
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I believe you've been given wise counsel. Thank you for the phrase, Ladeeda. I will use it to help a potential client deal with her Dad. I'm interviewing for a respite care position for a gentleman with rather rapidly advancing Dementia. He is starting to see things and imagine things. I will use that phrase for his daughter, who was really upset about this today. Go to his world.... wow. So tender. Thanks.
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I agree with the go with it suggestions. That dosen't always work though. When a danger is involved. As always I have a story pertaining to this subject. Mom was living in my house, she was comfortable for the most part at the point in time of this story. On thursdays(I worked from 4pm till 8pm) I would take her to my job(hairdresser) she'd chat with the regular customers who were aware of her condition. So she enjoyed going there I think in her stage of dementia it was perfect surroundings,pleasant, social, we all made her pretty. Well one thursday for some reason she thought my boss was picking her up for a date. She waited by the front window for hours. I kept asking her Mom what are you doing, "Wainting for my date!" I'd say Ok and just took advantage of the respite so to speak. All the time wondering how long this would last. then the time came I had to leave to go to work. I thought to myself there is no way I am going to convince this woman there's no date. Yikes!!! what to do? So I called a friend, without mom knowing, asked her to call me back, so phone would ring, and I would pretend I was talking to Mom's date. So after I answered the phone I made sure Mom heard my conversation as I said "Ok I'll bring her there to meet you instead" Then I hung up and told Mom "yourdates car broke down so we have to go meet him." She just as I hoped"OH No is he ok, Let's go then he needs our help" So we were on our way. As soon as we got in car she forgot the whole thing about the date and were we were going. That sort of thing worked for only so long though. The dementia progressed and moods and delusion were out of control after a while. I had imaginary boundries, safety, security, and happiness, if any of these things were out of control call the police. Delusion is ok if harmless if it does not cause a danger. Hugs and Love
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So what do you say in these situations that I find myself in with my 89-year-old father? "I need rope." "May I ask why?" "To adjust the harness on our team of horses." "Dad, we don't have any horses. We haven't had horses for 45 years." OR "I have to leave now and have these soil samples tested." (He was an engineer for his whole life.) "Dad, there aren't any soil samples." "Well this is a concrete office (our house he's lived in for 30 years) and I have to have my soil samples tested." "This is your house, Dad. See the kitchen? See your chair? See your dog" OR "When are you taking me home?" "This is your home, Dad." repeat of above.

I don't know how to "go along with this" when he is expecting results. Everyone is right; contradiction is NOT what he wants to hear and arguing does no good. I try changing the subject, but sometimes he won't let it go.

So, is my situation similar to what everyone above me is finding, or am I on a different track here because he wants ACTION and there's no where to take him. He hasn't done engineering in 20 years, but there are times he really thinks he's still working and it's very real to him.
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Dear no3daughter,
There is no reason to correct her. Do you still need to be right? At this stage of life it does not matter in the greater scheme of life, who scored points or your Mother has a perfect memory. This is her memory. Just say "yes Mom."
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I found with my mother if I corrected her, she got very upset. So, change of plans,
I would just change the subject.
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This is hard stuff. Dad would get fretful about where mom was. He wanted to go find her. He didn't remember or wouldn't accept that she died. I had a very hard time with this one at first. I told him that if she were alive she would be right here with him. If he's distraught I correct him but if if not I just let it go. I love this site too.
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