Since my mother was placed in long term care 3 years ago. I have been very challenged with my father's behavior of taking extra food and snacks to her there. It was explained in the entrance meeting that the meals/food that my mother receives there is monitored by a dietician according to doctors guidelines and to help with weightloss to help extend her life. At the first meeting, I warned the nurses that he may do this as he had done this at the local hospital during her recovery from successful cancer surgery and the medical staff were kept wondering about why my mother's blood sugars fluctuating so badly. They eventually figured it out when they opened her side table drawers to get personal care items out when they found a stash of nuts, snacks, etc. As they knew she was off to long term care she was transfered with the basic medical info and the nursing home could figure it out. When I warned the nurses when my mother was moved to long term care, they sort of dismissed my concerns and advised me they would handle it. My mothers situation had changed as well because just over 3 years ago she was able to walk however with the cancer situation she picked up the MRSA infection that ended up attacking her heart and nerves at the base of her spine that in spite of surgery left her legs unable to hold her body up so therefore she has been wheelchair bound these last years. Any extra food packs on pounds which is difficult with her being diabetic,having congestive heart failure,and mainly only moving with difficulty her upper body. The MSRA infection that was under control before arriving at the nursing home has also affected her ability to think clearly, write and speak. The first year at the nursing home my mother gained nearly 35 pound putting her close to 300 lbs, and gained more weight with my father bringing in constant snacks, her weight has actually dropped by 25 lbs in the last year making it easier for her extra large clothes to fit. My father seems to think feeding my mother extra food won't hurt her and she is just having a treat but her blood sugars have been fluctuating erratically for months, just when I think I have my father convinced that giving her the wrong foods can literally kill her, he finds some way to justify it again. The nursing home continues to say she is better off eating what they provide only and then my father temporarily quits giving her snacks. In September after a family meeting at the nursing home with my mothers doctor and medical staff, suddenly my father asks at the meeting, "What snacks can I bring her from home" to which they said none. He even had a meeting with the dietician who advised no extra food. I couldn't even believe he was still thinking in those terms, I was totally disgusted. After that meeting, no snacks were given as she was so affected by months of extra calories and sugars she was becoming almost non-responsive at times, sleeping constantly and the nursing home was struggling with her blood sugars and adjusting her insulin. Lately we were advised to that her health was so poor that she was hallucinating and talking of passing herself. With her being so ill like this my fathers moods have been like a rollercoaster, sobbing and worrying whether she would die. She could be ready to pass or get better there is no guarantee right now. This whole situation has absolutely been the most frustrating thing, I feel sick to my stomach each time my father comes back from visiting my mother at the nursing home and he is semi-hysterical because he is afraid if she dies, he will have nothing to live for and die too which he is terribly afraid of. My father(80) becomes quite dispondent, very needy and frantic yet for some reason he doesn't seem to want to even consider his behaviors have very much contributed to my mother's present state of health. Suddenly at supper this evening he announces that he gave my mother an orange and told the nurse about it later, what could she do then. Then he suggested that if my mothers condition improves we should get a chinese food dinner (my mother loves the sweet sauces and such) and take it to my mother at the nursing home. He is attempting to have me agree with this, I am feeling rather shocked and a bit horrified with him right now after all of the ups and downs of the last months and all he can focus on is giving my 81 year old mother the types of foods that will continue to cause her health problems and very possible her death. Maybe on some level he thinks he is thinking he is trying to give her something she likes but guess who is going to have to deal with the fall out when my mother dies from eating something her system can't handle anymore. The ups and downs of all of this have affected my health, the constant worry about this situation. I have talked to a geriatric health person who advises me I am close to burnout. I talked to a pastoral care person bit I think its all in God's hands now.