When do I step in regarding my dad's care and sister has issues also?

Follow
Share

My dad is 81 and forgets things. We think he has dementia/alz and maybe parkinson's or something similar. He is wobbly when standing, moves very slowly and therefore, soils himself because he can't get to the bathroom in time. He has seen spirits in the house, has talked about my mother as if she were still alive, accused me of asking him for money to buy my daughter curtains, and thought the phone company was out to get him so he went to my middle sister's house to use her phone. My youngest sister has MS and can't remember things and lives with my dad. She will go to a fast food place and get lost. We think her MS is affecting her brain. The issue is this, she does not take care of the house, it is filthy and falling down around them. She won't shower for a week or more and generally doesn't get out of her pajamas. She doesn't cook for my dad, she gets fast food and my dad has gained weight. When my dad is invited to do anything, it is only if my sister wants to do it. Any time we ask him if he is going to go somewhere, like church, he says he doesn't know, my sister will then chime in with "no" and then my dad says no. He doesn't do anything without checking with her. He missed being with the family for Christmas because she didn't want to leave the house. She doesn't do his laundry unless he has an accident and asks for her help. There are times he has tried to clean up himself and left soiled clothes and used toilet paper laying in his room (and it smells). He has even put on soiled clothes thinking they were clean. Also, he sleeps with soiled blankets. Basically, the two of them sit in front of the TV all day long every day. To bring up a power of attorney or anything like this will cause my dad to get angry as my brother has already tried. I am not sure what we should do or when. Both my brother and middle siter are waffelers so if anything is to get done, it will be up to me. I am open to guidance and suggestions.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
3

Answers

Show:
At some point you're going to have to rock the boat with your dad, either now or later I'm afraid. I've never known of an intervention where it DOESN'T cause big fat turmoil have you? ha Anyway, get you and your siblings on the same page so when it comes time, you'll show a united front to help dad. Maybe that's not the way to go with your dad, you know what will send him over the edge or help. I don't. If your sister never has like to cook and clean, then having MS sure the heck isn't going to help that now. Hire some help maybe?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

To naheaton: Thank you for you response, including the questions which are all things I never thought of. As far as I can tell, my sister just forgets stuff. She is capable of hygiene, cooking, etc. I don't think she sees that there is a problem. My brother and middle sister have mentioned to her that she needs to clean and cook. She has never been one to cook and clean in the past. Since she lives there, she would be used to the smell. She has a daughter that lives out of state and I doubt she wants her. For the record, my sister with MS is 51 (the youngest). I can't tell if my dad is putting his head in the sand or just doesn't see it. I'm not sure how to go about doing an intervention that wouldn't cause a problem. I'm not sure if my sister is concerned about her living arrangements. I am also concerned that he may start forgetting to pay his bills, especially his taxes.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sounds like both father and sister need to be taken care of by someone other than each other. I know you said your sister forgets stuff etc. but can she understand that there's a problem with dad or has her MS messed that up too? Have you talked to her about your concerns? After all, she's living with him and sees and smells everything I would think. Maybe if she would either get on board or decide it's time for she herself to be taken care of, your dad might follow suit. And as far as talking to your dad about legal stuff, is he putting his head in the sand so to speak cause he doesn't want to face the problem, or does he actually think there is NO problem? You said your brother tried talking to him, what does brother say about this? Can the rest of the family do an intervention type thing for dad? Would your sister say no to any changes because it's going to effect her living arrangement? If that's the case, then she would have an ulterior motive and that needs to be addressed. I guess I have more questions than help. Sorry.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions