I placed my mother in a nursing home several months ago. Is it too soon to give her possessions to family members?

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My mother moved into my home 5 years ago, but recently I had to place her in a nursing home. My brothers and sisters, who were not very supportive of me, believed that she should have been in a nursing home years ago. I now have a room full of her furniture and boxes and boxes of knick-knacks, photo albums and holiday decor stored in the basement. Walking past her room every day saddens me tremendously and I would like to heal from the past traumas. I had suggested to my brothers and sisters that I would like to invite them all down to take whatever they wanted from my mother's possessions. Some liked the idea. Others seemed apalled at the notion. While I understand some are uncomfortable with the idea, should I really wait until she dies to give away her possessions to family members? By the way, there is nothing of monetary value involved. It is all used furnishings and items of sentimental value. How have others handled this?

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I commend you for taking care of your mother as long as you could. You made her life better all those years!!!!

I care for my grandmother in my home. I have for 3 years now. She has told me that everything she brought into our home is now mine. It is mine to do with as I want. I have siblings who don't call, don't come, and don't write. I don't know if I will see fit to give them anything since they didn't see fit to have any contact with her. Anyway...

I agree with many others. You should ask your mother first about what she would like. She may have certain people she wants to have certain things. Otherwise, you should at least let her know that you are going to clear her things out of your house since she will not be able to come back to live with you. As others have said: take what you want, give other family members a certain amount of time to come get what they want, and then get rid of the rest.

Hugs!
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When my father-in-law died, my mil wanted her boys to take whatever they wanted in his garage (tools, fishing equip etc) We had a big gathering, and her three boys went thru their dads 'manly' garage stuff, and figured it out for themselves what to take, and what to give their sons. Then after moving mil into an asst living place and setting her up with whatever we cold fit in her apt, we emptied her house of everything and put that stuff in the garage. Again, she said she wanted the boys and their wives to have first pick, then grandkids. So again, we all got together, with her there, and separated everything that the family wanted. Last week my husband took much more stuff to the Salvation Army (NOT Goodwill) so now we're down to just the small stuff that I will have to go thru and either throw away or try to shove off onto someone still.
Side note: We always choose to give stuff to the Salvation Army because THEY are the ones that first respond to a disaster. I have NEVER heard of Goodwill ever donating anything to someone in need after a fire or some sort of emergency. With them, you have to pay. It's a 'cash cow' for sure.
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MJ:

Alzheimer's or not, I'd still run it by her. Memorabilia like photos and "sentimental items" should be shared by all children. Do a garage sale for larger items (furniture, etc.) and apply the proceeds towards her medical expenses. Call the Salvation Army to come and pick up whatever can't be sold and/or your relatives don't want. You might feel a bit guilty afterwards, but it's for a good cause.

-- ED
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I can see your point to the extent that any of that furniture was purchased by you.

However, an atty told me to not remove anything from my mother and step-dad's house until after she dies. Do you have your mother's will? What does it say and are you the exectress? My mother is also in a nursing home and I know what things belong to her in the house from the list she made many years ago. However, not being in the situation that you are in, I really can't move anything. I don't think you will get much help from family members who were against you putting you mom in the nursing home. Maybe, you just need to shut the door to that room and clean it out after she dies.
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No. Do not "give away" her personal belongings. Keep them until she dies, ( it will be soon enough), then distribute them according to her will, or, if there is no will, as desired by the family members.
Been there/done that.
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That's a tough subject.

My FIL has a lot of stuff at his house. Once he is either moved to a NH or has died, we will have to go through all of his remaining belongings. I fear that this will cause strife.

He has already been offering items to family members, but we are hesitant to accept them, since he may have also offered them to others in the past, who may insist on claiming them. EX: My FIL offered me some earrings that belonged to my departed MIL, but I decided to wait. Later, I mentioned this to my DH's sister, who then insisted that her father had promised them to her, years ago.

My FIL has dementia and and only his house and financial holdings are mentioned/divided in his will. Heirlooms and "antiques" are not listed specifically. While my FIL has no problems with discussions about this (or death/dying) - my DH and his siblings, as well as one of the spouses do not feel comfortable talking about this with him.

I can imagine that there will be fights over certain items.

Hopefully some of you won't have this much trouble.....

I agree with most of the comments here. If your family does not claim items within a timely manner and you have gone through them yourself to choose a few things, call a local charity that accepts donations and have them pick up the leftovers.
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Absolutely it is time to give whatever you can to family first, then others who might be interested in it. Since she has no recollection of anything, why wait? I've recently gone thru the same thing myself, and felt great relief when most of it was gone. I think when you're ready to part with it all, you will.
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This is just a helpful tip----if the person you are caring for-either at home or in a facility---I have been strongly advised, if they have a dementia or Alzheimer's..NOT to hang any mirrors in the room, as they possibly can become scared..should they try to use it.

Virtual Candles of honor or memory-can be found by going to alzheimer's Association. Org....
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Jackie-Hi!

If your mom has been placed in a facility--Just what is her mental state of mind? If she is lucid?. Do you think that some of the posessions left behind would possibly be of comfort to her? I had to go thru this ordeal with my own Mom as well-and was advised what to bring to her, and what to leave behind.
The fact that there are other siblings/family members, or even good friends-perhaps can be helpful to unload things is A+.. You may also want to ask the facility as well, as they may be in need of something...I gave the NH my Mom was at - quite a few of her belongings.

It is understandable that you want them out of your home, as it can become difficult for you just to see them. If some of the family member do not understand--they should try walking in your shoes...

You will know-if it is too soon or not, by your Mom's health condition, and if in doubt, just hold on to it a while longer.

Good Luck!

Hap
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I've same Dilemma dad just gone into home. Think i'll put everything that he doesn't need for now in the loft and see what the future brings.
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