What can I do if my sister who is executor being deceitful?

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My mother passed away 6 months ago and put both my sister and myself as executor to her estate. Being that I live in another state I relinquished my executor role and let her and her husband be sole executor. Finally after 8 months of waiting for our inheritance we were given most of the money and that worked out well but the problem is that there was one investment that they told me I was sharing 50/50 benificiary with them. They sent me the bank paper that I needed to sign to release the funds and they put my sister and my joint account on that document. I sensed they were hiding something and I called the bank only to find out I am the benificiary 100 percent. I called them on it and since then they have tried every tactic to justify it including telling me they have rights to it, they deserve it. My sister has gone from being angry screaming I dont trust them to the next day crying saying she has been carrying the load for years in the family. Then now they are saying they need to keep that money to pay taxes next year on the money we received. I mostly hate the manipulation and deceit they are displaying. Now my husband and I are fighting because my sister has bullied me into agreeing about the holding onto that tax money. My husband wants me to tell them where to go and to not give the a cent. Up until now I had a very close relationship with my sister and brother in law.. I feel my sister has ruined our family for a very long time. I dont think I can every feel comfortable again around them because of how manipulative they have been. My sister did do a lot for my mother as I moved away 18 years ago from them but my mother was independent and maintained her own home. She took care of me when I was ill for 8 months in her home and didnt charge me a cent. I can't forget that she was so good to me but that doesnt justify their behavior.. I am tired of being a doormat but somehow I let myself be talked into signing that paper with our joint account and I sent it to them.

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Your sister cheated you out of your share of one investment. That she did so using deceit is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Your sister lived closer to your mother and therefore no doubt contributed greatly to her care even if your mother was "independent" and seemed, from your distance, to maintain her house on her own. You know, many people (including me) think it isn't fair that one sibling does most of the caregiving and all the siblings expect to share equally in the estate. There are far better ways of addressing this inequity than the caregiver being deceiptful after the parent's death. But I can sympathize with the attitude that "I deserve a little more. I did more." I don't condone cheating to get it ... but, are you willing to give up your relationship with your sister over this? Can you forgive her? It is really your choice now. Your sister made choices about her behavior. She didn't do a very honorable job on one aspect, in my opinion. Now you have choices to make. You've already decided to let her have the money. Now you can decide about your relationship going forward.

And ... since you've given up the money, how are you resolving the issues this causes with your husband?

Perhaps some family counseling would be in order here.

You need a lawyer. As executor of the estate she has a duty to see that everything is done accordinging to your mother's wishes. It is the law. She can drag her feet but you can force her to settle the estate. No one has the right to hold up the distribution of an estate. What she is trying to do is illegal.

As for paying taxes on the inheritance, I don't know all state laws but in the state I live in there is no tax on inheritance and no federal tax up to 5 million. If you are dealing with that amount, your certainly need a lawyer.

How do I know, my husband inherited a sizable amount from his mother. His brother was executor and there was foot draggery but not with any intent to take more than his share. he just procrastinates. No taxes due on my husband's part. Many states did away with inheritance tax or it is very low.

Like I said, Get a Lawyer!
Greed. It is not your responsiblity to pay the inheritance tax on your sister's inheritance. If she did not plan ahead to prepare for the tax it is not your fault. There was a reason you were listed as 100 % benificiary to begin with. That was your mother's/father's wishes at some point. Your sister is not a good steward to oversee the will. The executor has to provide a summary statement to all beneficiaries of how the estate was handled.
Each state has regulations on the percentage of the estate an executor can be paid for performing their duites. Unless the person making their will puts a set amount of payment the executor receives, the amount of money the executor is entitled to can be enormous. Part of not being a doormat is addressing the issue. Telling your sister when you signed over the executorship to her you didn't sign up for her manipulating you and taking what is rightfully yours. She was being deceitful. You sound like you have great intuition. By calling the bank you were able to find out the real deal.

Go around them directly to the investment company. Be prepared to send them a letter requesting payment of the funds directly to you along with copy of your mom's death certificate via Certified Mail Return Receipt Requested. If you are the beneficiary of the funds, your sister shouldn't even be handling it since that beneficiary designation puts those funds outside the confines of the will.

Your sister doesn't need more money to pay taxes. She herself will pay NO taxes on any of the money. Taxes are paid out of the INHERITANCE not one's own pocket.

Sorry, but your husband is right. And your sister is lying.
Montana I sort of see where you are coming from and I sure as don't do it for the money BUT I don't agree that it is necessarily greed. I think in reasonable terms siblings who don't care should at least have the decency to recognise the worth of the care their sibling DID give and what they gave up to do it. I have lost 5 years income, 50k from having to sell quickly. In actual fact I will inherit all but that is not the point here. I wouldn't EXPECT to inherit more - I WOULD expect that my siblings recognised what I gave up and allocate a little of the inheritance to me as a thank you.

That said a neighbour of ours died about 2 years ago and there was a very complicated probate and execution of the will. The man had called the lawyers in to draft a new will and they had done so but he died before he could sign it - so worthless. His new will would have left an additioal 20k to the daughter who looked after him for 15 years and he was bedridden for 10 of those years. The other siblings never visited phoned or sent cards but by george they soon found the house when he died and they were all over it like a rash. They wanted to take things that belonged to the daughter because she couldn't prove she had bought them some 10 years previously.

The solicitor told them of the new will - of course they didn't give a hoot about it. They forced the sale of the house via auction - which gives the lowest price over here usually - and could because she wasn't 60 (at which point in the UK you acquire some rights - not a lot but some). She was 58 single, no friends, no children - her husband couldn't tolerate the situation of care and a found a new model some 8 years previously! She had no home and very little to support herself with, simply because she gave up her life to devote to a father she adored. She became very depressed and committed suicide - her final act was to leave a will leaving all her money to her siblings stating that she did so because they clearly cared more about the money than her and that she would rather be with the father she loved.

So while I say yes Montana you don't do it for the inheritance - it its not always greed and some people are not financially stable enough post the death of their loved one to tolerate one more blow to their already diminished lives. Showing an utter lack of acknowledgement for her role as caregiver was the final blow for her.
I know I am a minority voice on this topic. I do not think a will should be a way to reward or punish children for either their participation or lack of. However, that's my personal opinion. I do believe a will should be whatever the principle wishes it to be - if it is a final admonishment then that's their choice to make - people have their own reasons and agendas when drawing up their wills and it is their money to do with as they wish. My parents left their entire estate to each other. They agreed and trusted the surviving spouse to then leave whatever was left to their three children equally. I do 95% of the work involved in looking after my mother - and believe me, she is a handful! My oldest brother sees my mother about three times a year for about an hour each visit. I am the executor of my mothers will. When the time comes I will have no problem giving him his equal share. If fact, on more than one occassion I was the one who talked my mother out of cutting him from her will. My reason - for both ensuring my brother gets his share and also having no issue with it? Simply, it's what my father wanted and what my mother promised him would happen should dad die first. I made a promise to my beloved Daddy that I would make sure this happen. It's my parents money to do with as they wish - plain but not so simple. I see my mother more in a week than the one brother does in a year. The "helpful" brother visits 2 or 3 times a week - no dr. appointments, no meetings with the facility, no doing the taxes or buying Depends. But he was very helpful in finding moms new facility and takes care of her cat - all of which I am thankful for. I don't do what I do for any other reason but these two - it's what my father would have wanted and although at times I despise my mother, I will always love her and it's just the right thing FOR ME to do. If it's possible the hands-on caregiving child, the one living with mom or dad and giving up their lives to do the 24/7 should be compensated while this is happening. To me a will is almost a final word or thought from a person that is addressing a lifetime of relationships - not just their final years. But that's just me.
The POA will have nothing to do, no involvement whatsoever, when your mother dies because the POA will expire and the Personal Representative will be in charge of handling terms of your mother's Will, if she has one.

In the meantime, why don't you try to focus more on support and compassion for your mother in her last days/weeks/months? That's more important than being focused on what you're going to inherit.

And who knows? Perhaps your mother is aware of your attitude toward "getting your share" and didn't even leave you anything in her Will. You're not entitled to anything if she doesn't want you to get anything.
big mistake giving her the money! i'm with your hubby on this one. there's no excuse for that and she out and out tried to steal from you! that's great that you sound out the truth from the bank, but it's not your responsibility to pay her inheritance taxes! that's outrageous...she has a lot of nerve...she didn't have to accept the job of executor you know...hope you don't regret it. she already violated your trust and that's hard to ever get back.
Yet another story of blatant greed, a sibling thinking they're "owed" at the expense of another. It makes me sick! You have to put your feelings aside about how things were good in the past and get a lawyer to help you with the present. It isn't pretty. And I also agree with your husband. Your sister and b-i-l have shown you their true colors and now can't be trusted. What they did to YOU was horrible!!!
My sister is the executor of our mom's will and let me tell you she has done a lousy job. I was forced to hire a lawyer to make her do her legal duty. Mom's been gone 2 yrs and we haven't even scratched the surface of this mess.
Please don't let your sister and b-i-l get away with this. I'll bet your mom would tell you the same thing.
My sister was named executor, because she was the oldest of three by 20 years.
My whole life as far back as I remember my parents always discussed being fair, they told me since I was little all that they had would be divided equally between the sibilings.
I also remember while growing up my brother was never really arround, and my sister was arround but was always negative towards me. Some family members my aunt used to say she never wanted siblings. She alawys complanied about how spoiled I was, and how mom and dad ignored her kids.....(Im the same age as her childrern.)
My parents were in their 80's both with dementia by the time I was in my 30's. I spent the better part (all) of my 30's raising my own kids, and taking care of my parents, I would do it all over again regardless.
Anyway after their deaths, I only receieved the cash divided between the 3 siblings. I called my sister executor regarding my parents home, and orther properties that they owned. She informed me that the properties were and are all hers as she did all the work and deserved it anyway ... She also informed me I couldnt do anything about it due to her name being on the title. (I found out she had taken a lawyer to visit my parents when they were starting to become confused but not yet legaly incompitent, and she had them sign over all their property to her.) When I saw a lawyer about this (elder abuse) she said there is nothing I can do. My so called older sister screwed me and my brother in more ways they one. She also screwed my trusting elderly parents and its all legal......

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