What can I do when my siblings won’t communicate together over our fathers caretaking issues and I’m the one always compromising?

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( He is doing fine at home, with caretakers. Never wonders, still remembers names, lock codes etc.) But siblings want to put him in a care center- against his will- under the guise of "caring" and " just in case" . I fear this will lliterally kill him- but they have their minds made up. I have only one week to convience them to leave him where he is at for the moment. ( Doctor has been of no assistance because he is passively involved with a brother who wants to move him...).
ALL ( yes 100 % of Dads friends beleive he should stay where he is for now.)
My siblings seem to be reactiving out of fear and other peoples hard stories, instead of looking at the fact that Dad is fine for now.. I cant seem to find a list of "whY" to keep him at home. Ive made up my list, but it would be helpful if I can find a professional list of why staying home is good for him. ( He has 24 hr care, so he is safe) Ive heard 70% of Alz. patients live at home, but I cant find an official statistic. Help ?

Answers 1 to 8 of 8
Stick to your guns and step back do not join them exlain how you feel once and let go you can not control what happens it can drive you crazy-hopefully sanity will prevail tell your Dad how you feel and pray for wisdom for them.
maybe they want the house?
Wow! Has your family been to a "care center"? Not sure what kind of place it is or what people he would be around. Maybe he has tons of money for a luxurious place. Usually living at home would be a great alternative if he still can, which it sounds like he can. Maybe touring a care center would be good for your siblings if they are so bent on the idea. Wouldn't Medicare get the house? Not sure.
There might be some articles on this site which will help you.

This might be a helpful article from another site.

" When caring for someone with Alzheimer's at home, you are providing a chance for them to remain in a familiar, comfortable environment where they can use their strengths and be encouraged to be as independent as possible for as long as possible. A safe, comfortable home can help a person with Alzheimer's feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed. Focus on preventing accidents, wandering away from home, and emotional upset. "


BTW, who has the Medical POA? Who has the Durable POA?

Top Answer
I'm not an expert on Alz and for a long while I felt my mom should be in a home too,(Stroke victim @ 90 yrs. old and age decline) but I did a complete turn around. My mom is in HER home, with all of us helping out. Even though my sis and I had a rough beginning, (and still don't completely see eye to eye) we continue to make a conscience effort to do what is best for mom, and that is for her to remain in her own home. She's comfortable, content, and familiar with her own surroundings. I wouldn't put her anywhere else unless the good Lord asked me to let her come live with him, then I'd have to ask mom if she wants to leave her house for his :).

Hope this helps, and good luck with your decision and your siblings. Personally they sound like a group of vulchers who want your dad's house but what do I know.
You tell them that you absolutely agree with them, and that as soon as dad needs to move into one of those places, you will be the first one to respond. That way you're validating what they are saying but at the same time telling them it's NOT time yet. If their concerns are really out of love and concern, then get on board with them for the future when he declines to that point.
I have always been a big advocate of the "aging in place" movement. Seniors are healthier and less stressed when they can live in their own environment. It isn't easy and you have to learn along the way. But if your family is truly concerned about what is best for your father, then this is it.
As naheaton said above, let them know that a "facility" isn't necessarily out of the question, but, for now, Dad is doing well where he is.
I still cannot fathom their reasons for wanting him in such a sterile environment. They all need to visit one of these places unannounced and imagine themselves there. Really!! what goes around comes around.
As long as you who is getting the care for him and he can afford the care you should keep him home there are times where placement is a good idea but as long as he is getting the care and you feel you can handle it the others should step back mayve they can visit him once or twice a week if they live nearby and take him a treat or if they are not nearby call him each day so he knows they care but if things are uder control and he is happy at home and is doable keep with it-I know how hard it is to have someone at home but as long as you are allright with it and it is aforable that is what needs to be done think how you would feel about being at home or in a strange place where someone else decided when you would eat or use the bathroom what is there problem are they thinking he is spending money that would go to them someday that is not why we scrimp and save our money is to make our last years what we want -friend keep doing as you are if he is happy and can afford care that is what has to be done.

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