How do you deal with siblings who live close to your parents, but won't help at all?

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Any help with my Mom is appreciated, since I do not live as close as the other family members. The truth is after asking my sister in law several times to help, after the first fall, they said they would go by their house, cook for them and etc... but its all just lies, they will not do anything..why lie about it, just say im sorry im too busy or whatever.
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Hi, Kathy

Well, the painful truth is that they probably won't help. Try focusing your relationship energy elsewhere and recognize your siblings' limitation. I must admit that I do better at this sometimes than others. It is hard because I am sure you sense the strong inequities of the situation. However, you need to ask yourself if this is about you, your siblings or your parent.

If this is about you, try building another support network (temporary caregivers, respite, etc.). If this is about your mother, know you are doing all you can and that she is lucky to have you. If this about wanting your siblings to "just care," understand that while they care, they are not willing or able (for whatever reason) to turn that care into supportive action.

Caregiving typically falls to one person in the family. It is both a blessing and a curse. While I too wish my siblings were more supportive, I also realize that at the end of the day, they are the ones losing out. I was also the caregiver of my father, who had complications from juvenile diabetes. The last two years were difficult and he had many complications. Long story short, when my father died suddenly from a massive stroke, I was struck with unimaginable grief. However, I did have closure. There was nothing left unsaid between us. I actually felt sorry for my siblings; they didn't have the one comfort I had.

Not sure if I helped or hurt the situation. Hang in there and know you are a good daughter and that what comes around goes around.

wf
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Who is caring for your parents now?
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