How do you deal with unruley siblings that really do not care about the health of your parent, but want to control their finances?

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Family mediators can often help solve these problems. The help of a third party can defuse family tensions, often stemming from childhood. It a third party can't help, you may need to involve an elder law attorney (if there is real finanical abuse involved, such as the elder not getting the proper care because the money is being used for other things, this is sometimes necessary).

Do try mediation, or even a consultation with a family friend, if all siblings trust this person. The legal route will likely put more distance between family members, so you shouldn't go that route unless it's the only way to protect the elder.

Good luck. This is tough, but not uncommon.You aren't alone, so please check back for more comments from others on agingcare.com.
Carol
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its a good question-an important one- but if the sibling
has POA,it doesnt seem to matter what anyone else thinks or knows about the parent involved.
at least for me, that is what i found.bottom line- u can try every suggestion,unless the sibling has an ounce of respect or compassion, u will waste energy,time and sanity.
be with your parent if u can,and try to change the anger and frustration into a feeling that will not eat u alive.easy to say-not so easy to do-
sometimes there is nothing we can do-to change the things onthe physical,materialistic level-but we have more than we realize
inside to help us deal with the horrible situation the best way we can-
i think every situation varies and most important for me is to realize- we know more than we think we do-
we must learn how to listen to ourselves-hear what we are telling ourselves-hear what our body is saying to us.
i hate this disease-the situations and all the negitve garbage that
never was disposed of. yet we seem to carry on- isnt life strange?
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cher if I read your question correctly, you are asking about siblings that WANT to control finances? Who controls the finances now? Is your parent(s) still able to do that? If so, then it really is a moot point, but you should prepare for a future where your parent (s) can no longer do that by designating someone as POA. Can your parent suggest someone now to take over when they are no longer able to make their own decisions? If you feel that person should be you and your parent is happy with that, then an attorney can draw up the necessary paperwork. Or you can download a POA, parent and the designated person sign and have it notorized. That may also cause some family friction, unfortunately it is easy for another sibling to come along and take a POA to your parent and change everything you have worked to do. If I were in the same situation I would have the court system award guardianship to the responsible sibling (you) and then it's done...no more arguing and worrying about whether mom or dad is being properly looked after. Unfortunately a few of us are all burdened with siblings who look at the parents finances as a way to add to their own, and yes they are the ones who don't want to lift a finger to help care for them, but sure do want to have a say-so in the day to day care. I hope you can find a solution that will work for you and your parent (s).
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I have 6 sisters and I am the one who takes care of my parents. Everyday 7 days a week. My sister as POA I don't know how that happened. What I say to my sister is you give me a hard time YOU DO IT!! That all it takes and she shuts up. Also just because one child has POA doe not make them the star child!
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Being the baby of my family I find it very frustrating. To many people trying to parent in our home. I simply remain strong and say "I am running her home as she always has." We also have a monthly family consulting appointment meant specically to air everyone's concerns. All four of us.
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Being in charge of the finances as a durable POA is one thing, but it does not include the authority to change someone's will. One thing that I did under legal advice was to get two doctor's notarized statements that my mother is not competent to conduct her business in a business like manner and why.
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Make sure there are signed documents by your parents with appropriate witnesses signed on the documents too that clearly set out their wishes for their finances.
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Please realize getting guardianship is not as easy as some on this site seem to think. You have to have parent declared incompetent and they lose all their rights. A doctor has to declare them incompetent, a judge has to rule on it. You will need a lawyer so It costs money, lots of it and it seems to be a last resort thing. Just get the proper POAs, both financial and medical. Much can be done with these.
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As a caregiver,ive seen thousands of selfish children.so you change the will and the only sibling whom took the time to care for their parents,will recieve.the Inheritance,and be In charge of all the finances...
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Think you got the right end of the stick there K good luck and keep copies of everything and keep accounts...
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