My older sister is verbally abusing my mother, the home is trashed, and she might be taking her money. What should I do?

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do? She lives with her, but makes her wait at use the bathroom, mom's in a WC, and not help herself. Should I report this to elderly abuse? Record her first to have proff? AT the end of the rope with her terrible tx.

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It is easy to blame when you are NOT the person who is providing 24/7 care. Exactly how much money does your mother have. Is it a pension, 401K, or Social Security and how much does she get every month? Is your sister at the end of her rope and need help? Have you ever offered? Does your sister work and provide your mother's care, or is she with your mom 24/7? Are they splitting the bills or are all costs being paid by your mother and what bills do they have? Mortgage, electric, gas, phone, cable or internet, water, property tax, car payment, food, clothing, entertainment - and I am not talking movies, or dinner and drinks, I talking about daily newspapers here, and the big one: medical expenses shared or does your mother pay it all? Is your sister at the end of her rope and need help? Have you ever offered? If your sister can't work because your mother needs full time care then how is she to provide for her own needs? How long has your sister been providing care? Is your mother easy to handle or does she say awful things or bully your sister? Can your mother communicate? Is your sister at the end of her rope and need help? Have you ever offered? Are you prepared to take in your mother or would you prefer her in a nursing home. Does she have enough money for a nice one or would it be Medicaid? Is your sister at the end of her rope and need help? Have you ever offered? Think this through VERY carefully before you involve outside intervention or authorities. If the answers to my questions equal abuse then make the call. If not, ask your sister how you can help. You are your mothers' child as well as any other siblings and bear as much responsiblity as your sister. Also - when you speak to your sister do you demand answers with "I have the right to ..." or do you say 'Hey Sis, are you OK?'. Is your sister at the end of her rope and need help? Have you ever offered?
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move her out with another relitive i have had a simular situation i enede taking my mom in to live with me my nephew was taking her money and verbally abusing her he left alone for 7 days she fell while he wa away on a flight of stairs my neighbers reported my enphew for neglect he got away with alot stuff. i had my mom for 2 yrs i lost her last Decmber 10 almost a year uin my famly i have socaled cousins thaqt back yup this brat to the t. i dont even weant to be bothered to talk to some of my relitives. either move her in with you a trusted relitives or get her to a assisted living facility befor it gets worce and the abuse exculates Please. I lost my brother 2006 my mom didnt want to leave her house than i wish i had gotten out of there alot sooner. you cant trust your own relitives some of my are real back staabers negitive people who thought very little of my mom this hurts me to talk about it really does. my mom died at 92 yrs old. she lead a beautiful long it ashame how some peopl have to put her down beacuse she couldnt hear and was up in years. i let it gpo for her to stay with my nephew i was wrong to trust him with her. take care of your self
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It is difficult to take care of a family member and this is why it is not a good idea. Taking care of a sick loved one can take a toll on the whole family. Abuse is also very common in this type of situation There are agencies that your mom may be able to use. They send trained individuals into your home who do the care. Some offer 24 hour care. Agency on the Aging is one and Life Ways is another. There are also agencies that will come in your home and care for her so that you can take a break for a few hours. There are many sources out there that can give you and your sister a little break or who can take over and do total care for your mom.
She deserves the best care. Here is a number you can call for help and information-1800-335-7881.Vunerable help line-1-800-996-6228-Elder abuse-1-800-996-6228.
I hope that this information will help you and your sister.
Cynthia Thompson
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Oops its late, that was made to wait to use her own bathroom.
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Something smells a little fishy in Denmark. Your mother's home is trashed & she is being made to use her own bathroon ? That is unacceptable. Your Older sister is out of line & if she is doing that in front of people, what do you think she doing to your mother behind closed door? I would definately call & let it be known that you are ready to help in whatever way you can. Your mother deserves respect, peace & a safe place with people who can love & help her. And don't stop visiting your mother in the mean time, make your presence known & without a phone call or a reason that you are stopping by.
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There is no excuse stealing money, and there is no excuse for abuse, but sometimes there are reasons that people lose it and lash out. You don't state what kind of help you are giving your mother. How long has your sister been taking care of your mother? If your sister is in this all alone, she herself may be at the end of her rope. My sister and I work together so that neither of us go crazy, our mother is a real piece of work.
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I agree with LindaGS as well. If you have the capability to take your mom then do so. But you may have a fight if your sister is using her money as she will not relinquish your mother that easily cause the money may mean more to her and quite honestly that is what it sounds like by your post. Your mother's welfare is most important and I know I would move heaven and earth to take care of my mom if someone was hurting or neglecting her. At the end of my mom's life and my own I know my heart did the right thing and there will be no guilt only good memories of trying to help my family first.
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You have a role. Take care of your mom. Move her into your home. Move her to better circumstances.

Clean out and sell your mothers home and excess belongings. Use the cash to pay for her care.

After you have done all that; then it can be the governments role to intervene in your family dynamic, but their is much you need to do to care for your mother first.
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kagusta, you have a valid question, but it really doesn't offer much info as to the medical condition of your Mother. Does she have Alz/Dem or any memory impairment? If you have witnessed any abuse an assesment of the situation should be launched for the well being of your Mother. Do you actively participate in the care of your Mom or just visit? In what manner does your sister verbally abuse? When asking questions regarding sibiling mannerisms in care it is important to keep in mind that every parent/child relationship is different yet interwoven. What one regards as verbal abuse those involved in the interaction would only consider to be communication on a personal level. Are your Mother's needs met? Hugs to you and your Family.
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Definitely call you local Department of Aging Protective services and they will do an anonymous visit and find out what is happening. Tell them you think there is elder abuse and financial explotation going on. You don't have to give you name if you don't want to and your sister will not know who turned her in unless you tell her. I turned my sister in for financial explotation and my sister was investigated and had to turn over all my mother's money and show where she spent it all. She had it hidden in 5 different accounts so no one could get it. Please don't wait. If you have suspicions your gut is usually right!
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