Can my sibling sue me for elder abandonment?

New Topic... bitter sister chronically causing trouble with our family. She Cant keep job, cant keep mouth shut, like a tornado leaves only damage and ill thoughts behind. Constant harassment, false accusations on us siblings, two wks ago called Adult Protective Srvcs on me, who upon their spontaneous visit, found everything, and my father, "in greater care than she normally see's." She's bitter cuz she took care of my father when stepmom died, and we found her stopping his bank account mailings and going online(my father doesnt do computers) and she was having him sign many and often large chks that were made out to her or people remodeling her home, for fictitious surgeries etc, along with controlling and finger wagging at my father, and keeping me from coming by to chk on his health....so when she took a small trip back to her home, I prevented her from staying when she returned, had her pack up to go back to Tulsa. So she esp has it out for me. She continues to create problems for all but one family member, an alcoholic that she tries to use like a pawn. Last Thursday, found out she and he, were in town, from out of state, when neighbors called that they were trying to get into my home, (which is bascially vacant, as I have to take care of my father w Alzheimer's in his home. Nontheless, she is a constant thorn. Can I get restraining order to keep her away from me, my father, his and my homes? Can I press charges for harassment, slander, punitive damages...anything? She is a constant physical, time and emotional drain on us, and while her actions mentally and physically drain us...she takes Adderal by day to energize her to carry out her tornado like attacks...

You can't be forced to take care of Mom. Sounds like older sis is trying to preserve money for herself. She has no grounds to sue, but you and your twin may have grounds to have her removed as POA. If Mom is competent it is her problem to find place to live, if she is not competnet, then the sis with POA is responsible for finding her safe place to live. This does not incude forcing her into your home. Perhaps social services in your area could mediate.

There are different types of POAs. A durable power of attorney usually is effective the moment it is signed and notarized. This is because, say, mom has a stroke the next day, the agent can then use the power of attorney. A springing poa, however, only goes into effect when the principal is incompetent. That has to be decided by two physicians or even in some cases a judge. You don't want this type of poa. Unfortunately, a springing is what my mother has and my brother is the only person on it. So......I do believe it will be his duty to take care of her.....just my opinion.

I didnt think the POA went into effect until your mother was incompetent. If she is not incompetent then the POA does not apply. Even if it did apply I doubt that your sister could enforce her rule that mom stays with you. She has more of a chance of being charged with elder abuse than you since she has accepted her responsibility by agreeing to the POA. Legally she is part of a contract that requires her --- not you--- to provide and take care of your mother.

What about a day program for your mom.It is sort of like an all day senior center where she can receive her meals and engage in different activities.Sometimes they go on trips.

There ia much more here than what we are being told. The intra-sibling nastiness suggests long, deeply-rooted issues. And mom indeed seems to be enjoying the role of "family Machiavelli". If one of you goes to an elder law lawyer, then others may choose to do so and you'll be mired in unfriendly, unhappy, unproductive litigation.
You might all consider intra-family mediation to work out all the elements of this rather messy scenario. Mediation can be cheaper and faster than litigation and may provide a total settlement of all issues and not just some.

Michael

A POA doen't revoke the the persons rights to act for themselves unless they're in NH care or have been declared un-able to make clear decisions for themselves...right?

So as Luvmydad say's your mom can change it or revoke it. With the help of an Elder Law Attorney my Parents chose to changed theirs from joint POA between me and my Sister to just me. The service was free. But I would caution anyone to be careful who they make POA and to whom they accept POA for.
I wouldnt do it again, I just rather be irresponsible than to carry all of this responsibility for people I hold so dear in my heart, but who else is to do it with the right intentions?

I just received POA for my dad last week. If your mom is mentally competent she can change the POA to you.

I would suggest that you hold a family meeting with either a geriatric care manager or an eldercare mediator...and have it recorded. My guess is that your family won't agree to this but it wouldn't hurt to suggest.
No, you cannot be arrested or sued as you made sure that your Mom was in a safe place (just as your sister did when she left your mom with you).
I'm curious as to whether the physicians placed your Mom on anti-depressant meds - they might help. Her actions show that SOMETHING is going on.
She may also qualify for free or reduced cost meals on wheels if she is home bound.
Best wishes and do not be in fear of your sister. A POA really doesn't give her much power. She's over-utilizing the title.

Shelley Webb RN

This sounds like a horror story. I feel so bad for you. I don't think at all you can be sued for this. How can family do something so hurtful. I know it's hard, but try not to worry. This is not something I think you can be sued for or arrested for. Good luck to you....

You are not alone! Arm yourself with information so that your Sister can no longer intimidate you. Theres so much to this equation, as you stated Depression Era. Our Elders lived in a completly different world than we do.
My Parents were never without each other for 65 years until Dad had this major Stroke which required care that Mom couldn't provide. She stayed in their home for 9 mos hoping against the odds that Dad would have a home to come back to but that didn't happen. Mom moved in with Dad and they are together again but at some point, one will have to be without the other and I'm afraid that Mom will be thouroughly lost with out Dad.

But back to the idea of Meals on Wheels, the cost is very low! Or between you 3 maybe meals can be prepared for the week? It really does sound like your Mom will benefit from in home care at her home.

Do a search for Elder Care in your area, I think you'll find a lot of helpful information there too.
Best wishes to you, do what's best to help your Mom and don't let anyone threaten you.

Anybody can sue anybody else over just about anything, if they can find a lawyer who'll take the case. That doesn't mean they won't get laughed out of court, but they can try. Doesn't sound like your sister is the kind to spend money on attorney fees for such a frivolous lost cause. I wouldn't worry about being sued.

My sister moved in with me to be a caregiver. She was very active when her older girls were here for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Since then she is bed all day except to pick up her 9-year-old. I never see her until then. We have been in quite a few quarrels, ending up in things that should have not been said. Her 9-year-old was sent out to spy on things and would not move from her couch. She even scooted the footstools when I walked by. My sister has not paid one cent to live here, she is on Link and gets $500 Social Security. We try to be civil but it is very stressful. I want her to leave. Although I saved her from being homeless, no other member would take her, even her own twin. The 9-year-old weighs 186 and is eating us out of house and home. She is very stubborn yet we are friends. I am 62 and my sister is 53. She is due to have back surgery April 1. Due to prior evictions she cannot find a place to live. Please help me. I am in a wheelchair part-time.

Thanks for all the helping and supportive answers !!! It's nice to know that I am not alone.

If she wants to stay in her home, she may be willing to do the things that helps keep her there. That may be the ace that you hold. I do think it important that your mother be given as much control as possible over what she wants. If she is unable to decide, your sister's POA is important. However, your sister does not have the power to move your mother in with you against your wishes. There are other options.

Agree on all accounts. My sister is considering herself attorney-in-fact and wants some of the grandchildren to return items that were given to them by mom. However, you have to understand my mom is playing all of us against each other. She is very bitter and undecisive in some of her dealings. Yes, give 1 minute and then wants it back the next. I think this has something to do more with her time of growing up (depression era on) than her not being of sound mind. She had never spent the night alone until dad passed. When they married they even lived with my grandparents for awhile and she has never been alone and does not know how to. I think this is our biggest hurdle to overcome.

Normally POA only comes into play if your mother is not competent to make decisions. If your mother says yes to meals on wheels and yes to some house cleaning and hygiene help, her word should carry. There may be some legalities that I don't know, but it is usually how POAs work. If your mother has not been ruled to be incompetent, she should be able to spend her money as she chooses. It's her money.

I agree with home care. I think she would do the same as she is at our homes. She watches TV and can get her lunch. I even mentioned meals on wheels, etc. but my sister who is POA does not want to spend the money. Go figure.

Added on -- or if she is doing fine at her house, maybe some home care would do the trick.

Unless you had a contract with the family, I don't see how your sister would have any standing to sue. Now if you had left your mother in a park somewhere, it would be a criminal matter. That didn't happen. If no one is able to care for your mother, perhaps it would be best to look into either independent or assisted living in a senior community.

Yes, I know she has lost her will. However, we have encourged her to get out, go back to church, do her hobbies, to no avail. Yes, we all have been to the doctor's with her multiple times. My oldest sibling that wants to sue me for elder abandonment has POA....

Sounds like your mother has lost ler "will" to live since your father passed. She has no "meaning" to her life she may feel no reason to live. Just my first thoughts. Have you been to her doctor with her? Who has POA over her? Have you checked out AL facilities, do you think she is board?
Just a few thoughts.
Blessings,
Bridget

I can't imagine that she could. If your mom is of sound mind and taking care of herself, she should be fine on her own. Don't let your sister bluff you. If you are afraid, ask an elder law attorney. Your mom is no more your responsibility than your siblings.
Take care of yourself,
Carol