I haven't had hardly any help from my brother who lives here in town since my husband and I moved in with my mother three years ago. He never calls and offers to help with mother or to come stay with her to give us a break. He has stayed with her when I've asked him so my husband could go to MD Anderson. I will tell him once in awhile problems we have with mother and problems with living with her. But, his reaction is that she is 83 years old and we don't know what we'll be like when we are 83 years old. Well, tonight, I told him a problem that is about to happen with mother and I still got the same reaction. The problem coming up is... my husband received a birthday card with money in it to "take his sweety" out to supper." Of course, that's me.... and that the person giving the card would come over and stay with mother while we went out to eat. I didn't ask mother if my husband and I could do this or not because mother doesn't have plans for Saturday night. She doesn't do anything without me. She can't see well, can't drive, and has a lot of health problems. Well, the person who gave my husband this birthday card and money came over to our house to eat tonight and we discussed going out to eat Saturday night and they would come over to stay with mother. Mother immediately said that might not happen because she might not feel like doing this. And, she said that we were always bossing her around and she might not want to do that. So, now, mother will be upset if we go out to eat and she doesn't want us to. I guess she feels she isn't in control of what is happening. I just hate to know we'll have a confrontation about it. Well, I told this to my brother and he started this thing about we don't know how we'll be when we are 83 years old, etc. I told him that my husband and I can't just stay with mother 24/7, that it will run us crazy and it has already run us crazy!! He didn't seem to get that we need a break here sometimes. My brother and I aren't confrontational people, so we didn't really deal with this problem, just sort of dropped it. Now, my husband and I know that mother is about to be upset and we'll have to listen to her put-downs of us again. Mother says really mean things when she gets mad at us. I don't know if I have a guestion or not, it's just that I don't want to tell my brother anything else because he just doesn't "get it." He needs to come live with her for a month, then he'd get it.