Our mother just lost her husband (our dad) of 50 years 2 months ago. She has moderate-bordering-on-severe dementia and Dad had been in very poor health through the summer. We convinced them to move from their paid-for, 2-story house (with basement) to an independent living apartment in a senior resident complex, but my dad died the day the lease started. We went ahead and moved Mom into the apartment, and our sister from Alaska stayed with her during and after the funeral for a week. When she returned to Alaska, we hired 24/7 caregivers to be with Mom to help her get acclimated to the new building. The intention was to scale back care to 4 hours a day. But it became clear her dementia was much worse than we thought. She can't be left alone; needs cueing for everything. My sister who lives here in town with us agrees with me (and Mom's doctor and elder-care manager we hired) that a memory-care facility is the best place for Mom. Alaska sister, however, insists that Mom needs to be with FAMILY only and that Mom should live in Alaska with her, her husband and son in their 2-story house on a steep hill (with a backyard that plunges straight down a cliff!). We are very much against Mom living in Alaska. Mom wants to visit Alaska but does not want to live there and has stated this multiple times. Alaska sister and husband are vehemently opposed to outsiders involved in Mom's care. We've invited them to return to our city and live in our parents house with Mom and then after Mom passes, the home would be their's to live in or sell, but they will not come back. I guess I'm looking for one person to tell me Mom living in Alaska is a good idea. By the way, it's frigid, icy, blizzardy and DARK in Alaska for at least 4 months a year. Then in the summer it's light for 21 hours a day! I've tried to reason with my sister and her husband in Alaska to no avail. The memory care facility we want to move my Mom into is within 2 miles of our houses and is top-flight. By selling Mom's house, we can probably afford 4-5 years of care there and then ultimately I'll return to work to pay the rest if that's necessary. Oh, final notation: I am in the process of asking the courts for legal guardianship of Mom. Not sure if Alaska sister will contest this. They are not in a financial position to hire lawyers and return to our city to contest at the hearing, which is late this month. I would appreciate anyone's thoughts on this: Is home-care at all costs (and in Alaska) better than a memory-care facility for an 81-year-old dementia patient?