Should I try and repair the relationship with MIL or let it die?
My MIL is 89 with limited vision and mobility. For the last 4 years, since my husband's (her only child) death, I have been her primary caregiver. She has been difficult to say the least her glass has always been half empty. In October, she went into assisted living and is not adjusting to it. She recently was sick with a terrible cough. One day I took her cough medicine that one of her friends suggested. I called repeatedly volunteering to take her to the Dr. Two days later when her phone quit working, I drove there to help fix it. I passed the AL head nurse going to her room and when I suggested to my MIL that I ask her to listen to her chest to check for pneumonia. She started ranting that she didn't need it. When I told her to stop snapping at me she said "when have you ever been nice to me"! I replied - you are absolutely right, I have never been nice to you and left. I hosted Easter about 10 days later and she came with my stepdaughter, acting as if nothing had happened. I did not call or go see her as had been my habit except to drop off some insurance items. After 2 more weeks, she left me a voice mail that she appreciated everything that I had done from the goodness of my heart. After a couple of days, I decided to let it go and call her - she hung up on me twice. So what do I do? My husbands death four years ago was sudden and hard for me and my children and stepdaughter to accept. I had retired to help care for my aging parents and MIL. Mom died 2 years after my husband and I still have 92 year old father who refuses AL and I deal with him also on daily basis. This isn't the first run in that I've had with the really old people- in August I had a heart stress test after arguments with both of them on separate occasions. I took the brunt of helping MIL move 20+ years of stuff in 3 weeks which she made sooo difficult. I really was ready to try and salvage something of a relationship and help someone who really needs it, but I don't have the desire to keep playing her game. She makes me feel guilty because I can see and drive and cook and use my phone to text my kids, her grandchildren. I have included her in everything for 40 years but when is enough, enough? Frankly, I have felt happier in the last 4 weeks without her passive/aggressive behavior but really hate to let everything end this way. My children are not aware of this but I need to make them aware since her 89 th birthday is coming up and I normally host it and Mothers Day also shortly after that. Thoughts?