How do I handle sadness and depression in caring for my mom?

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I was wondering if any other caregivers are experiencing feelings of sadness in seeing their parents age. My mom lives with me but it is hard to see her at this stage. I want to be the best daughter that I can be but don't know how to when these feelings are around. It is hard for me to even look at her as I miss the Mom I had when she was younger. I have just begun to feel this way a few months ago. Do any of you suffer from depression about this and how do you handle the inevitable.
Thank you so much

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You are not alone. No matter what age we are as adult children...there is a desire to have our parents as we wished they could be...especially if we are caring for them and day by day see them fading.

I recently made a scrapbook(didn't take a lot of time to do) and put pictures of my parents from their childhood on in it. It was so good for me to do that. It helped me come the full circle with them....especially when they saw the scrapbook! They love talking about their childhood...memories of their parents too. :-)
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I have taken care of my father now for seven years and was experiencing much of what you are especially anticipatory grief. I finally decided I had to take care of myself as well and hired a sitter once a week so my husband and I could get away for the day. We now have hospice which is wonderful. We are leaving for MD tomorrow and will return Wed. It was difficult for me to realize how depressed I was, so when I reluctantly started taking lexapro 5 mg, a low dose, I was amazed at how quickly I improved. A lot of it has to do with our seratonin levels. I have just resolved myself that God is in control and will take dad home to be with mom when God chooses that time. I have so many good memories and pictures to hold on to when that time comes. Having felt these feelings and confronting them has helped me to change my attitude for the better. I am a much happier person now being able to let go. God bless you.
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Yes there is always sadness, that is your parent, sometimes you may even feel guilt. Just this week on Monday my own mom who is a beautiful assisting living of which takes care of the reseident with love and care and lets them die with respect and to send mom to a local hosptial, she was very skin color wass not normal and she complain about chest pains and stomach. Well when I got to the hosptial not all hospital know how to take care of the eldery with Alzheimers. My mom back in 200 sign full legal papers of myself being her legal care giver, legal rep, power of attorney and did a full legal heath epoxy and of course a will. Well her body is starting to shut down, due to the illness and other problem. First they thought it was her heart, but with all the paper work I have and the full eco sono gram of the heart and ekg that was done it showed a small mumor of the heart. Mom had TB plus scarlet fever and was sent away for treatment many years ago, this is what may have caused the problem she also other heath issue. Well I was right and the head surgial person of the hospital spoke to me and told me she did not have any major heart problem to be hook up to all types of machines. Also her blood count was low, they wanted me to give them permission for full blood transfusions and also tubes down her throat and up her ass. My heath epoxy states no to all she she gets to the state her life is has it is now. yes I feel very guilty but I must agree to my own mom's wished. Her mind is gone and many organs have been distroyed but the diabtetes. My heart goes out to you. I want my mom to go with love , care and support and digity of life. Last night once again they wanted to give herr blood after I had a bid meeting with the ceo of the hospital. While the ceo was with me she even notice things wrong. They would not even give food to mom for four days. The docotrs refused becasue he still wanted to cut her open to see what was wrong. Hold in and god blessing go out to you. I have to leave the web site now to go to the hospital, have a nice day and bless you. patricia61
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Thank you for voicing your feelings. And thank you for letting us know we are not alone in these feelings. I've been going through similar situation with my mom feel and so sad all the time. It is good to know there are others out there who validate this sadness we feel. It's very hard to get over seeing our moms this way. My mom is in a nursing home now. I still go to her house once a week to check the property, pick up mail, etc. and it is very sad being in her home surrounded by her things, knowing she will not be able to come home again and live there. She forgets a lot of things now and sometimes says things that tell me she will be "lost" to me -- I wonder where my mother went and miss her. Take care of yourself, know you are not alone.
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Yes, it is hard to see them age and to miss them as they were when they were younger. We cannot change ourselves back. I hug my mom every day and she gets annoyed but does not understand the pain that I feel in my heart when I see how she is aging and I am difficulty accepting that.
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HeidiD,
Thanks, I will give her that hug. Our daughter came home from the West this weekend. We had not seen her in 9 months. Mom was thrilled as we kept it a secret until our daughter walked in the door. It was really wonderful to see mom so happy. Have a good night and good dreams.
Linda
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Wonderful words of wisdom! I helped my parents and kept them in their home for 8 years until a crisis made it impossible. Had to move them into a Nursing Home with wonderful care, mostly due to continual monitoring. Mom passed away and 9 months later so did Dad, they had to be together. Watching them age was so hard, I loved every second I spent helping them. Stressful yes! They alway said I spend too much time with them and I said that when they are gone, then worry about me. Truer words were never spoken, it has been almost 2 years and I still miss them all the time. But I have the memories of all the time we spent together. Sad to say but medication made it a bit easier on me and allowed me to grieve. Now I am able to accept the loss. Hug her and love her although she is not the same. Hug her for me!
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I miss my mom. The woman sitting the the chair watching TV all day is not the woman who raised me. She is just a shadow of herself, and it is sad. She depends upon me for everything. I am not really sure when the roles reversed, but they did. Same thing happened with my dad. Before he died, I told my husband that I thought of him as already gone. He was not the man I loved so much. I loved the old man who sat in the same dining room chair everyday, but he was not the memory that I held dear.

It happens to us all, I guess, if we are lucky. It is the natural process, but I still mourn what I had and the parents who raised me. Try not to dwell on what is gone and rather, cherish what you have today.
Linda
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I know how you feel. It is always hard to see our parents aging. I am sure you are doing a good job taking care of your mother. We just have to put these feelings aside us and be strong for our parents. That's all we can really do.

Best,
Jackie
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