jldson Asked June 2011

Do adult children have any more rights than their elderly parent's siblings, regarding their parent's care?

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My husband is in his 50's and both his parents have Alzheimer and dementia. A family meeting was set up with the kids and his moms brothers and sisters. It started off to be where my husband had control of his parents (he is the oldest), but after we left the meeting and went back to our home time 4 hours away. The siblings of his mom got together again and her youngest brother took over the parents made up legal papers that we did not know about and got my husbands daughter to be the caregiver without any knowledge to us. So the question is as my husband being the oldest sibling does he not have the rights over his parents then the mothers siblings? And if so, what can we do about it?

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freqflyer Aug 2016
BeckyB072155, it might be better if your question was placed as a new question. This original thread is from 2011 and some readers will by-pass older threads as situations do change over the years.
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I hope you can help my friend! He has sisters who do not keep him informed about his parents medical conditions. They put his mom in a facility, which they told him about, but then transferred her to a different facility which he was not informed and in the mean time they are trying to sell parents house, which they have been in the house for the past 50yrs, and put his dad in a mobile home somewhere! He had not been told, informed, or even hinted that anything like this was happening. All he wants is to let his dad live in his home, that worked and paid for, that placed where he raised his family and was happy with his loving wife. What can he do about his situation,if this is any help, he always, to my knowledge,has had and gets his mail at his parents. He just found out bout the situation and need help,info, anything about what rights he has! Thank you for your time and patience for reading my problem, my roommate is very close to me, I will try and do whatever it takes to help him!👫⚖⌛️♿️🏡⛈🌪🌊
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grizzly60 Mar 2016
I have a brother that lives and takes care of my mother recently she fell in the tub and got a skin tear on her hand i was caring for her at that moment anyway he wint let me speak or see her is this legal if he is the proxy
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The important question is did you have power of attorney? It is already documented that they have Alzheimer's, but is it documented that they are at a point where they are no longer capable of making choices for themselves?

If you have POA you can go back over ride & revoke all the crap they just pulled.
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jeannegibbs Feb 2014
Does your brother have power of attorney, annadoll? Medical proxy rights? Is he the legal guardian?

Why is he trying to prevent you from visiting or calling? Have their been incidents that have upset Dad?

A little more background information would help.
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annadoll Feb 2014
My Dad is 90 years old and is still living in his home, my younger brother is with him but here is the problem -- my brother is telling me I and my other members of the family are not welcomed to go and see him, also my brother called me and stated he is changing his phone number and we I am not allowed to come out to see my Dad. Anything you can tell me will be helpful, and will be waiting your response.
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Iwentanon Dec 2013
I do not know why it is considered taboo for adults to not share their wills and trusts, it gives children and those involved an idea of what is going on or what to expect.

With my father who thinks it is personal property and at age 82(when my grandmother died, we did not even know where her will was) has decided not to tell anyone, (I know I am the default caregiver as I am the only sibling living close) so nobody knows.

In the case of the 86 year old, I am the default caregiver for 7 years, because I lived with her son and lived in the building. In their case, the oldest Sib changed the trust, so that if anyone disagrees with the trust or will they will forfeit their share.

Isn't fair since youngest Sib remodeled kitchens and bathrooms, cut grass for thirty years, flooded basements, Dr. appointments, etc. and took care of both parents father had RA and died of prostate cancer, the last being the mother an 86 year old with dementia/Alzheimer's.
Of course HE(oldest Sib) DIDN'T LET IT BE KNOWN, that he got his mother to initial the clause and therefore changed the will pre-emptively with no notice or POA, at the time and of course when the time came, did nothing for the care or diagnosis care of his mother(our 86 ear old).

There is no lawyer willing to help us, of course money would help, and you wonder why there isn't something on the law books to prevent this...after all Greed is hardly something new, he also was slow on getting a diagnosis, too...
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verbie Dec 2013
Dear Eddieboyangel....I am not sure if this applies to you, but if a trust was created after a certain year and you feel you were to inherit from that trust, you have to be notified by an attorney that changes were made. My husband passed in 1993 and a trust was done. However, my inlaws passed years later (not sure what year) and a letter had to be sent out to all those who were named in the trust (which I disagree with) to see a copy of the actual trust. And while I don't agree with telling anyone your business regarding your will and/or trust, in your circumstances where you feel there is some monkey business going on, it would be to your benefit to contact a lawyer. Good Luck to you!
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Both my brother and I live within 15 minutes from each other. He is 10 years younger than I am. I heard he may try for guardianship. My dad will definiately favor him if interviewed. He has been handling finances for past 5 years though I have some suspicisons that some "fudgy" things have been done to them He has hidden all legal and financial documents from me so I cannot verify any of his tranactions or what he has had my dad sign. My dad is in dementia but my brother has been clever to not yet have had him declared incompetent. He recenty hired a lawyer and I think amendments were made to his trust. But those documents are missing from my dad's home too. I saw them and the next day they were gone. I don't know if I stand a chance with guardianship beening that he is the favored son and has been handling finances for so long. He has convinced doctors, neighbors, and relatives that I am the one that is imagining all of his wrong doings. I have been ostracized as the "crazy" one while he is triumphantly called
the "gallant" one though all these years he has done nothing for his parents. By the way I have two educational degrees 25 years in a professional job and he has a HS diploma. But, he does have a strong, dominant, bullying smoothtalking personality. He does sell cars.
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Jldson, in Texas, where the guardianship for my ILs was arranged, the judge wanted siblings and children over the age of 18 to sign off on the guardianship. They may have a voice in whatever proceedings you arrange for in the future. Proximity is important. While its nice when everyone sits down and agrees, it's much better when a judge does the appointing if a family can't make a decision on their own.
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